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Being a gay couple with children
#1
I mentioned in a recent post that I'm much more happy these days and my life is finally on the right tracks although I still have some issues to resolve.

One of them is the subject of children.

Before I came out last year I was being asked every few weeks by my dad when I was going to supply grandchildren.

At the point I came out I had resolved in my head that I would never have any. I was gay and the whole pregnancy thing just doesn't work between two guys. (And we've tried! No matter how hard I try, I've still not got Paul pregnant yet)

Seriously, since then I've had feelings that I want kids. I'm trying to sort out in my head whether that is a hang over from past pressure, or a genuine desire.

Obviously, I don't want to go down the adoption or surrogate mother route unless I'm absolutely sure. It would be hellishly unfair on the child(ren) if I got it wrong.

I do get broody sometimes. I look at the pride that parents have in their kids and think what a wonderful thing it is to guide and nurture young lives into the world. On the other hand, sometimes I don't feel that way at all. I don't particularly feel any dislike. Just that I feel I slip into neutral.

Does anyone have any ideas? How do I go about sorting that out in my head?
#2
I say go for it! Then I say don't go for it when you read the next paragraph.

I was considering it with my ex. He told me that he wouldn't be a good father. I beg to differ, he would be a great father. We had this deal planned out... but it would be complicated. He had a sister and I was thinking she would donate her eggs to a surrogate mother and then I donate my sperm and we'll have our child through artificial insemination with the surrogate mother who has his sister's eggs... that's how we were have a kid. I would only have a child under that condition and under that condition only. So yeah, I'd be screwed if my next partner doesn't have a sister or has one but doesn't agree to it. They must share the same genetics. However there's costs and religion. First off, she would have definitely agreed... however she's a Catholic and Catholics do not believe in artificial insemination if I'm not mistaken. So it couldn't happen anyway. Unless somehow and someway, there's a new way of reproduction and I strongly believe they will find another way. I don't know the science behind it, though I'm sure it's feasible and possible.

Yeah.. since there's so much involved with having a child. I say, don't go for it. If you're really really into wanting children, think about it extremely carefully. I guess that's the best advice I can give.
#3
To have no children for me is the one and only thing at being gay what makes me really sad .... and angry ... and sometimes feel very alone. My Partner don´t know ... because I know this feelings would make him sad, too.
A straight friend of mine knows it ... and say´s ""use" mine .. if sometimes i have some.. we need a uncle ..and sometimes in future a 2 grandfather", because his father died" .. but its not the same.
I was in a adoptions-office here ... they said .. that its easier to let children by her own alcoholic father then give them to a gay-couple" .. and I don´t fight.. this is not to fight for.

Problem 2 is that I want a boy .. and if you go to a adopt-office and " I´m gay - I want a boy"... they ask you for other problems and sends you home.

And now comes my Idea : I haven´t any idea !
For me its not nessesary to get a child... but If I try to search .. maybe in the net... like father want´s son ... there come only this "wanna f*** me... now and here"....
hopeless...
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

[Image: pentagramm.gif]

31.10 Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Halloween
21.12 Yule
STOP eating Animals !
#4
I hope it will get better better soon in the future when I am old enough to have kids.

I don't know if I will come out to the world or not but if I will the thing I scare most is that I will not have children. I will definitely try to get one, one way or another, maybe illegal but I don't care.
I like to be masculine and hate to accept my femininity but I always proud that I will take care of my kids just as good as any woman. I can cook for them, I can bring them to shop, I can care about every single little thing in their life, and love them till my last breath. (Probably, because my zodiac is cancer, which is the zodiac that cares about family most ).
So I say, you should go for it. Maybe you are not suitable for the role of a mom but you can be a good dad. Fight for it tho.
#5
colinmackay Wrote:Does anyone have any ideas? How do I go about sorting that out in my head?

Give it time?
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#6
fredv3b Wrote:Give it time?
Absolutely. A child is not just for Christmas, you know and you cannot afford to get it wrong. There are no second chances.

I love being a father. It is the one thing that made life worth living during many otherwise dark and difficult years. It is excruciatingly difficult work and you will never get it all right, but it is just the best thing in the world.

Gotta go! My daughter needs help with a cv and she's just pulled in the drive Confusedmile:
#7
colinmackay Wrote:Seriously, since then I've had feelings that I want kids. I'm trying to sort out in my head whether that is a hang over from past pressure, or a genuine desire.
Obviously, I don't want to go down the adoption or surrogate mother route unless I'm absolutely sure. It would be hellishly unfair on the child(ren) if I got it wrong.
Does anyone have any ideas? How do I go about sorting that out in my head?
If you are normally a responsible person - and I believe you are - just do it. The decision is yes or no. It's as simple as that. You can take 2 seconds to make up your mind or 20 years. In the latter case there is no guarantee that the decision will be any better. So do it.
Being a responsible person, when the day comes and you have the child, you will love it and will do your utmost to be a good parent. Don't forget that it is a life sentence. Even when your child is 50 they will still be coming to you for advice, money, your car or whatever. But I can promise you that you will never regret it.
#8
Why not adoption?

A life with children can be really demanding and I personally think that it is not worth it to give up your freedom just to be proud of your kid. I mean, that's how I see it. Because I can see how my parents don't hve time for themselves AT ALL because of me and my lil sis. Especiallly my lil sis. . And I don't think that it's worth it.

However, if you still ever decide to have kids, I think the best choice would be to adopt a kid that is around 7 or 8.
PENNYWISE LIVES
#9
SlipknotRlZZ Wrote:Why not adoption?

A life with children can be really demanding and I personally think that it is not worth it to give up your freedom just to be proud of your kid. I mean, that's how I see it. Because I can see how my parents don't hve time for themselves AT ALL because of me and my lil sis. Especiallly my lil sis. . And I don't think that it's worth it.

However, if you still ever decide to have kids, I think the best choice would be to adopt a kid that is around 7 or 8.

*g ... I have thought the same as I was in your age .... but I have seen more friends which are very happy with their children then friends which are not. I think its not the time you spend with children ... if I see my mother ...she has had own kids ... stepkids from my father and some kids from -don´t know the name in english- we say youth office .. and she never has had problems with the time .... so we always were a really big family.
For me it seems a bit unfair ... some children or juveniles have parents who don´t care about them, kick them out ..whatever ... and we get absolutely no chance to get a kid.
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

[Image: pentagramm.gif]

31.10 Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Halloween
21.12 Yule
STOP eating Animals !
#10
You know what hasn't been addressed yet and I dunno how this goes? Yeah, a gay couple with children. Here's another reason why I don't think it would work out... what do they call the parents? Like... which one is gonna be called mom or mother, mommy, mamma, etc. or vice versa. If I was raised by two men, I dunno which one I would call dad or father. It would be quite confusing. I have neighbors who are gay and they have a child. They're both women and I think one of them is called mom and the other is called mommy. I'm not entirely sure on that. Then what about when the kids go to school and then they tell about their parents. I just don't know how a gay couple manages to have kids. Of course, they'll be good mothers or fathers... but then it gets really complicated when the kids get older.

What do you think? If I was still with my partner and we had a kid... I would like to be called dad... however, my partner would be called dad. Now here's my idea is that the child would refer to me as dad and then maybe have my first name before dad. Then maybe that's how my partner will be called as well. So do you have any ideas with that?


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