Over in the welcome forum an interesting topic was raised, and I really don't want to drag that way off topic (becuase I seem to have managed that a few times), so I'm posting here.
The issue that was implied was that bi-sexuals are not generally as well accepted as being one way or the other.
I don't understand this at all. Maybe I've not been around long enough (i.e. I only accepted my sexuality in the last year so it is only recently that I have come into contact with this issue) that I don't really fully understand why.
To me, it doesn't seem unnatural that if you can have hetrosexuals and homosexuals that you can also have folks that sit in between as well. I know some people that can't accept this. They say bi-sexuals are really gay but just don't want to fully accept it.
Perhaps others are somehow offended by the idea that bi-sexuals can publically appear to be hetrosexual, but seek gay encounters (gaydar has examples of this - I've noticed that while 90+% of gay profiles I've seen are marked as out, 90+% of bi profiles are marked as not out). The result of this is that bi's don't get singled out as often for homophobic abuse.
Or perhaps there is some other reason I'm not aware of.
Incidentally, last year, before I came out, I considered the possibility that I was bi-sexual because I had been in a long term hetrosexual relationship and did almost get married. I eventually concluded that I wasn't for a number of reasons.
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One simple answer - sexuality is not black and white. It is very complex. If anyone thinks sexuality is as simple as "this or that" then they are mistaken.
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I belive there are as many diffrent sexualities as there are people.
You know what they say, everyones unique, and i doubt the situations any diffrent here.:biggrin:
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
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I think it's the element of that feeling of being unable to ever fully complete what they want in a mate.
That is... in a pure heterosexual or homosexual relationship, you are the gender that your mate is fundamentally attracted to.
In a bisexual relationship, you may be their "ideal" man or woman, but will that be enough if they also feel attraction towards other women or men? Sexuality being such a driving force in life, can a man who is sexually desirous of men and women ever feel completely sexually fulfilled being with *only* a man or *only* a woman? Will he always feel he is lacking some aspect of his sexual expression or need?
Same with a woman. Would a woman ever feel completely fulfilled with only a man if she also finds a sexual attraction towards other women? Can she ever be completely happy with only a woman if she also desires men?
That is probably one of the most fundamental worries that anyone would have in a relationship with a bisexual partner. "Will I ever be enough?" It's a very scary thought, really, whether it is fully justifiable or no. It's still a worry that I imagine would be present in their partner's mind.
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Like Colin I once thought I might be bisexual as part of my journey to becoming comfortable with being gay.
Maybe I'm being too simplistic, but isn't it the person we fall in love with? If we decide to commit to one person isn't it the commitment that's important, not their sex? Straight, gay and bisexual people fall in and out of love, in and out of relationships and are faithful to a partner or not.
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I'd go for that definition too, honey. I don't think it matters what sex the person is, it just requires adapting to whatever sex they are for things to work out, but basically they are just plumbery matters. The other adjustments are so much more to do with personality (which admittedly can be socially and genderwise different, by which I mean that depending on our gender we'll have been brought up to behave in such or such a way, sometimes not heeding those social indications at all).
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Interesting question. I shall restrict my comments to male bisexuality, female sexuality, in general, being a whole different kettle of fish, and not one I understand, at all.
colinmackay Wrote:The issue that was implied was that bi-sexuals are not generally as well accepted as being one way or the other.
I'd say that was, generally speaking, true enough. I think it is due to a mixture of reasons, here are a few theories.
Whilst I believe that Kinsey was correct and sexual orientation is a spectrum i.e. bisexuality does exist, plainly men are not distributed evenly along that spectrum. Bisexuals are a small minority, small minorities are often either ignored or not accepted.
From my, limited, experience it is true that some gay men come out as bisexual at first, before then admitting that they are fully gay. I think part of the lack of acceptance of bisexuals is the belief that a significant number of those who claim to be bisexual, simply aren't.
I've also heard of married men who have sex with other men on the side, who claim they are bisexual, and therefore they are in need of something they do not get within their marriage and so they are justified in finding it outside of their marriage. To which I, and many others, would respond if you can't be faithful, don't get married. (I am not suggesting that I believe that bisexuals can't be faithful)
The fact that many bisexuals are not out I think tends to compound the problem, because they are invisible then mistaken beliefs about them can flourish.
I also wonder if there is a slightly darker reason. Most gay men would have had a teenage crush on a friend / lad they knew at school, many would have had their heartbroken when he got a girlfriend, in a sense he left him for her. I wonder if some of these men, as adults, hold the fear that they could cope with being dumped by their boyfriend for another man, they couldn't if it was for a woman.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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I was in a heterosexual relationship for 11yrs and still am , I dont consider myself Bisexual because although I can have sex with a woman it doesn't turn me on in the same way. I don't "fancy" women , If I see a beautiful naked woman i think she's attractive but thats it , no emotions or rush of blood . However if I see a guy i fancy I get that "whooooar" feeling , every time I masturbate i'm thinking of guys , so I consider myself prodominately gay ( maybe 80% gay 20% hetero? ) . I guess if you were 100% gay it would repulse you to be with a woman . I think sexuality is a sliding scale , to me Bi sits somewhere in between i.e able to fancy men and women .
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I had an argument with my ex over bisexuality. It really wasn't pretty. He claimed to be bi and he originally came out as that years ago. However, I know for a fact that he is clearly gay. The thing that really got to me was that he was 1000% sure he was homosexual for over 3 years. Then he goes back to being bi. Then he tells me a story that he repressed his gay side. Then he went back to being straight. Then he says he repressed his straight side (how do you do that?!) and he decided to be gay and he was doing it for over 3 years. There was no way he was repressing his straight side, it's almost non-existent. Nowadays he just simply says he's straight and that's it. He would give me lip and a real nasty attitude over his sexuality.
It was extremely clear that he is a homosexual. He's predominantly into guys. I know this, because he was totally honest with me on that. Sure he may be into a few girls, but not enough to be bi and he was really being dishonest about being bi. Sadly, I don't know why he was being dishonest with me towards the end of our relationship. I know it is totally rare that a person is 100% gay or 100% straight. I guess I really overreacted when he said he was bisexual. I truly have no problem with bisexuals. I was thinking that I was maybe bisexual, cause I thought I had sexual feelings for the opposite sex. I actually really and truly don't. Sure I had crushes on some girls back in the day, but I was only doing that to fit in. My ex said he had a crush on some porn star girl or something years ago, I clearly think it was a mental thing and thought that was expected of him. Right now, he's going through some real major mental thing.
Yeah, I don't want to be an orientationalist at all. I do know when someone is a certain orientation, especially when it's totally obvious. I kinda have a thing for girls... but totally not enough for me to consider myself bi.
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Yes,
as long as you love the one your with, and respect each other. I get that bi guys do it that way
M
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