07-17-2015, 06:37 AM
Posing some questions about bisexuality. I know labels in general suck and do not convey the reality of things. But, Iâd still like to know what some of your thoughts are on it.
1. What is your personal definition of being âbiâ? I know this will vary from person to person.
Iâve seen it defined many ways. Some people use the label if theyâve ever had and enjoyed sex with both genders. Some define it as being able to fall in love with both genders. For some, they can live their whole lives straight but if they have even one enjoyable encounter with the same sex, they must be gay. Or, they must be bi.
To me, the true meaning of bisexuality means being able to fall in love with either gender. Not sure if everyone would use the phrase âfall in love withâ, but you get the idea. You could have sex with someone of your own gender and still not be bi (or gay for that matter). In my mind, itâs the identification of finding an emotional and love connection with another person. Iâve said on here before, I donât consider myself truly bi because I donât feel the same emotional connection with women that I am attracted to as I do with men that I am attracted to. Men, I can feel deep emotions for, and fall in love with. Women, I can have sexual encounters with but donât feel much of anything afterwards - but the sex may have been fun and hot.
That said, I seem to see at least a few men on here and elsewhere that appear to engage only in purely sexual relationships. I wonder, do they consider themselves to be gay even if they canât or wonât âfall in love withâ a guy? Or am I wrong in my observation (meaning, maybe they actually ARE emotionally connected, but donât express it). What if they were previously married to a woman (and genuinely fell in love with her at some point) and then go on to have purely sexual relationships with men? Is that common? Could that be in some way partly attributed to the fact that some men (note: I said some) are just not wired to be emotionally connected to someone in that way? (but may have done so previously with a woman because the woman âbrought it outâ in them?)
I know this works both ways- plenty of straight guys only have sex for sexâs sake and never necessarily develop love feelings for women, but, if that ever did happen, itâd be with a woman.
The concept of sexual fluidity has been researched for women and is indeed very real; Iâm not sure if it has for men but I havenât really looked for that research yet. My guess would be that men have just as much capability for sexual fluidity as women do, but donât express it due to cultural restrictions and biases (real or perceived). (@MikeW)
2. If you identify as gay and are in a committed long-term relationship with a man (or ever were in your life) would it bother you if your partner identified as bi? Would that change if you knew that he only liked sex with women, but didnât feel a deep emotional connection with them as he does for you? [Of course letâs assume he didnât want to act on that attraction because he wants to remain faithful to you. If he cheated or wanted to cheat, thatâs a whole other discussion.]
This is a collection of my random thoughts; Iâm not saying I truly subscribe to any of these theories; Iâm just posing the questions and looking for thoughts and opinions.
The expression of emotion is interesting to me. I recently became certified as a MBTI Practitioner (Myers Briggs Type Indicator), where it is clear that certain personality types may definitely feel emotion, but might not necessarily express it verbally or even think it consciously. Of course, people of either gender could be any of the 16 personality types.
One last thought: There needs to be an âL Wordâ for gay guys. Will it ever happen? [and I donât mean a fucking sitcom]. They could just adapt the script from this forum
1. What is your personal definition of being âbiâ? I know this will vary from person to person.
Iâve seen it defined many ways. Some people use the label if theyâve ever had and enjoyed sex with both genders. Some define it as being able to fall in love with both genders. For some, they can live their whole lives straight but if they have even one enjoyable encounter with the same sex, they must be gay. Or, they must be bi.
To me, the true meaning of bisexuality means being able to fall in love with either gender. Not sure if everyone would use the phrase âfall in love withâ, but you get the idea. You could have sex with someone of your own gender and still not be bi (or gay for that matter). In my mind, itâs the identification of finding an emotional and love connection with another person. Iâve said on here before, I donât consider myself truly bi because I donât feel the same emotional connection with women that I am attracted to as I do with men that I am attracted to. Men, I can feel deep emotions for, and fall in love with. Women, I can have sexual encounters with but donât feel much of anything afterwards - but the sex may have been fun and hot.
That said, I seem to see at least a few men on here and elsewhere that appear to engage only in purely sexual relationships. I wonder, do they consider themselves to be gay even if they canât or wonât âfall in love withâ a guy? Or am I wrong in my observation (meaning, maybe they actually ARE emotionally connected, but donât express it). What if they were previously married to a woman (and genuinely fell in love with her at some point) and then go on to have purely sexual relationships with men? Is that common? Could that be in some way partly attributed to the fact that some men (note: I said some) are just not wired to be emotionally connected to someone in that way? (but may have done so previously with a woman because the woman âbrought it outâ in them?)
I know this works both ways- plenty of straight guys only have sex for sexâs sake and never necessarily develop love feelings for women, but, if that ever did happen, itâd be with a woman.
The concept of sexual fluidity has been researched for women and is indeed very real; Iâm not sure if it has for men but I havenât really looked for that research yet. My guess would be that men have just as much capability for sexual fluidity as women do, but donât express it due to cultural restrictions and biases (real or perceived). (@MikeW)
2. If you identify as gay and are in a committed long-term relationship with a man (or ever were in your life) would it bother you if your partner identified as bi? Would that change if you knew that he only liked sex with women, but didnât feel a deep emotional connection with them as he does for you? [Of course letâs assume he didnât want to act on that attraction because he wants to remain faithful to you. If he cheated or wanted to cheat, thatâs a whole other discussion.]
This is a collection of my random thoughts; Iâm not saying I truly subscribe to any of these theories; Iâm just posing the questions and looking for thoughts and opinions.
The expression of emotion is interesting to me. I recently became certified as a MBTI Practitioner (Myers Briggs Type Indicator), where it is clear that certain personality types may definitely feel emotion, but might not necessarily express it verbally or even think it consciously. Of course, people of either gender could be any of the 16 personality types.
One last thought: There needs to be an âL Wordâ for gay guys. Will it ever happen? [and I donât mean a fucking sitcom]. They could just adapt the script from this forum
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