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Books about relationship
#1
So I was curious about finding a book(s) about relationships. Nothing dealing with anything troubling like cheating or somesuch issue, just a general book about relationships and ways to increase communication, intimacy, trust, improve sex life, or whatever else you can do to make a relationship better. Mine isn't going horrible but I'm always interested in finding ways to improve it. So I was wondering if anyone liked/was interested in a certain book they'd like to recommend. It can be about any of the topics I mentioned or whatever else.
#2
Cobalt Wrote:So I was curious about finding a book(s) ...
just a general book about

1)relationships

2)communication,

3)intimacy,

4)trust,

5)improve sex life,

or whatever else you can do to make a relationship better.

Maybe you should look into more than one book?
#3
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write books about it.

But seriously, is your bf on the same level when it comes to improving things? How is your communication?
#4
[MENTION=22914]Cobalt[/MENTION], i haven't read any books on relationships, but i would like to recommend one author:

Richard Isay

i've read his book, Becoming Gay, and it was a very insightful read. the title has been misleading for some guys; it doesn't have anything to do with ''turning'' someone gay or somehow ''becoming'' gay when you're not. it is about learning of your own sexual identity and coming to terms with it. not about relationships directly (though 'indirectly' applies), but i personally acquired a new perspective by reading this one. it's written by a psychoanalyst, so the material does have that bias to it, which is not always enjoyable. but it offers some valuable insight into certain minds, especially middle-aged gay men and men dealing with HIV positive status, and helps make some sense of some types of behavior. i dare say it might plug into your own subconscious and make you realize something about yourself, even. this was a surprisingly enlightening read, i didn't expect much when i started it.

the same author has written a book which deals with the subject of gay relationships: Commitment and Healing, Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

two reviews on it have said this:

Eric Marcus Wrote:Richard Isay offers something far better than simple bromides and false hope. In this book, he challenges us with a provocative, illuminating, and ultimately hopeful look at ourselves and explains how those of us who yearn to love and be loved (and who doesn't?) can best find happiness and healing in a committed relationship.

Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D. Wrote:Many gay men (and others, too) are likely to find this book exceptionally interesting and helpful. In a series of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's depth and clarity of insight, Richard Isay lucidly explains why gay men have particular difficulty in establishing and sustaining loving relationships and how they might sensibly improve their chances of doing so.

i haven't read this last book, but based on how i liked his Becoming Gay, the way he writes and relates to his subjects himself, it looks like a promising read at the very least. and as you are interested in the subject i would recommend you to check it out. Isay has a style that is empathic and he has a certain warmth to him when you read him. i really liked that.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
#5
Dammit I just realized I typo'ed the topic title. Relationships is what it was supposed to say. Spellcheck just doesn't work with these types of things...

Anocxu: Yes, I figured it would take more than one book. That's what why I put books Wink

Darius: I would say he's a few levels above me really. He's the one who wants us to share everything and he'll be disappointed when I don't want to talk about things. The problem, if there is one, in the relationship usually is my "fault". Which comes back to communication, your next point. His communication is great, mine is the one lacking. I'll keep too much to myself and not tell him my wants/needs with certain things areas or topics. It all comes down to embarrassment. I fear what he'll think of something I say or how I feel when I really have no evidence to support him behaving poorly or not taking my feelings into consideration. I never really had people respond positively to my true thoughts or feelings before (outside of therapy) so I'm always guarding myself against potential ridicule.

So um...to answer your question: my communication kind of sucks.

Merididannight: Thanks for the suggestions on books. They look interesting and I appreciate the recommendations.
#6
So...
Wouldn't it be easier to just ask your Bf to help you open up more..?

You don't seem to have too much trouble speaking your mind here...

Is there a part of you that is just super awkward and shy when you are around him?
#7
You know, anocxu, there's something to be said about saying a lot within very little words. That's definitely how I would sum up your last post. I think you hit on a bunch of really important points all at once.

I'm definitely shy and somewhat awkward with him. I'm not sure if I'm uncomfortable or just reserved, either way I worry about how I say things or what I say around him. And it's not because he's ridiculed or chastised me in the past, if anything he's always really supportive of what I say or how I feel. The only thing that's ever bothered him is that I try to keep to myself too much or don't let him in when I'm trying to process things/work through something.

I've always been someone who is stubborn or is reluctant to ask for help. I think my wanting books is a form of self help but it's probably not the best course of action. There's always another side to the relationship and I should be turning to him instead of trying to change how things are on my own, even if the issue is me.
#8
Cobalt Wrote:You know, anocxu, there's something to be said about saying a lot within very little words. That's definitely how I would sum up your last post. I think you hit on a bunch of really important points all at once.

I'm definitely shy and somewhat awkward with him. I'm not sure if I'm uncomfortable or just reserved, either way I worry about how I say things or what I say around him. And it's not because he's ridiculed or chastised me in the past, if anything he's always really supportive of what I say or how I feel. The only thing that's ever bothered him is that I try to keep to myself too much or don't let him in when I'm trying to process things/work through something.

I've always been someone who is stubborn or is reluctant to ask for help. I think my wanting books is a form of self help but it's probably not the best course of action. There's always another side to the relationship and I should be turning to him instead of trying to change how things are on my own, even if the issue is me.
Sometimes life throws us another human being that promotes so much positivity.. we push for change ..

I guess if you two were to sit , talk and go 'Soul to Soul' you could uncover so many things about each other..including the reason you show so much reverence to your partner that it's preventing you from letting loose..

I'm honestly thinking he should serve you a light roofie collada and ask you everything he ever wanted to know...

Kidding...
Kinda..
Hehe

:-P
#9
This week I've been more open with him about things in general. I tell him my thoughts before I've really had a chance to second guess things or think them through and all that other good stuff. Now I'm starting to talk to him about sex (desires, wants, needs, etc.) which I guess you could is me "expressing my sexuality" to him. It's kind of weird/uncomfortable/makes me feel silly but I'm trying.
#10
Cobalt Wrote:This week I've been more open with him about things in general. I tell him my thoughts before I've really had a chance to second guess things or think them through and all that other good stuff. Now I'm starting to talk to him about sex (desires, wants, needs, etc.) which I guess you could is me "expressing my sexuality" to him. It's kind of weird/uncomfortable/makes me feel silly but I'm trying.
After all he is your Boyfriend...
He is the one you should be telling..


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