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Can't determine myself, am I or not !
#21
Yes I know the word is Homosexual - however too many people look at the word and see homoSEXual and think its only about sex.

Your ability to jack off to a porn several times doesn't make you gay or straight or bi - it only means you are sexual - and nearly all humans are sexual beings.

How we identify ourselves as gay, bi or straight depends on which gender we connect more with on all of those other fronts, emotionally speaking.

Love is a complex thing - its has many flavors and types. For instance you do not love your mom as you would say a husband or a wife.

Thus when I say 'it depends on who you love' I am not saying that that love should include the love of your mother, the love of your sister or brother, but I am focusing on the love of a lover. And all that love includes.

An example of what that love would include:

Gay males fall in two general categories 'tops' and 'bottoms'. While this also is a descriptive term for sexual activities, it is more of an emotional mind set.

A 'top' would be the man who is the protector, the defender, the one who wants to do the holding and wants to be 'the man'.

A 'bottom' would be the one who wants to be held, wants to be protected. What we do in bed sexually often affirms one of these two 'sides' to human nature.

These side emotions, or underlying emotions take place even if a couple are not actively having sex.

It is those other emotions (other than lust, and pleasure) that decides if one is gay, bi, straight.

If one is exclusively feeling all of these other emotions with a specific gender then that gender decides if one is 'gay' or straight. If a person can feel those emotions with either gender, then they are bi.

Let us assume for a moment you are a top. If you have with the sexual desire an intense desire to hold another man, to be 'his protector and his lover and all of that, you are most likely gay.

If on the other hand you are a 'bottom' and you want to be held by a man, loved by a man, and feel his strength because it gives you a sense of security (aside from the pleasurable aspects it may hold) you are most likely gay.

As for being attracted to a narrow band of body types. I think a lot of people are exactly like that. If not then its just you and me.

For instance I like muscle on a man, I like for my partner to be thick. But not overtly muscled like a body builder, more or less well muscled with a layer of padding like a wrestler.

I think that Marc Dalton is cute (A porn star) however I find Jouko Ahola (Worlds Strongest man in 1997) to be hot. Why? Because Jouko Ahola is not well cut and defined, he is 'thick' while Mr. Dalton is too defined, too cut for MY tastes.

These are personal preferences of types having no bearing on my being gay, bi or straight. The fact that I love men, love being with men for sex and more (committed long term relationship, cuddling on the couch in front of TV, sharing every aspect of my life) is what decides I am gay.

Thus you should consider all of these other things, not just sex and your 'type' in the question of if you are gay, bi or straight.

Ultimately you do have a choice in how you identify yourself. YOU pick the label that you want to wear.
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#22
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Gay males fall in two general categories 'tops' and 'bottoms'. While this also is a descriptive term for sexual activities, it is more of an emotional mind set.

A 'top' would be the man who is the protector, the defender, the one who wants to do the holding and wants to be 'the man'.

A 'bottom' would be the one who wants to be held, wants to be protected. What we do in bed sexually often affirms one of these two 'sides' to human nature.

Can i just say i disagree with this?
I find that i fall under both.
And i think most men would to some degree.
Sure, there maybe some men who are "either or". But I feel most men have the need to both be held and feel loved and protected, and to hold close to them the one they wish to also protect and show affection for.

And as for the narrow band of body types thing?
That DEFFINATLY doesn't apply to me(Not to say there aren't a few body types i am not attracted to). But i guess it might to some.....

Appart from that, i can agree with what you're saying.
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
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#23
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Love is a complex thing - its has many flavors and types. For instance you do not love your mom as you would say a husband or a wife.

Thus when I say 'it depends on who you love' I am not saying that that love should include the love of your mother, the love of your sister or brother, but I am focusing on the love of a lover. And all that love includes.

An example of what that love would include:

Gay males fall in two general categories 'tops' and 'bottoms'. While this also is a descriptive term for sexual activities, it is more of an emotional mind set.

A 'top' would be the man who is the protector, the defender, the one who wants to do the holding and wants to be 'the man'.

A 'bottom' would be the one who wants to be held, wants to be protected. What we do in bed sexually often affirms one of these two 'sides' to human nature.

.

actually I have not really thought about my self as part of that sex. yes, once i tried to imagine myself in gay sex but (sorry, don't want to insult anyone) I felt sick nor active nor passive idea was good for me. but still have this great attraction toward beautiful men.

Genersis Wrote:Can i just say i disagree with this?

don't know why but I thought the same. possessed - possess ? thats kind of weird. maybe I'm too romantic person and my word of relationship is second half not the possessed.
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#24
Genersis Wrote:Can i just say i disagree with this?
I find that i fall under both.
And i think most men would to some degree.
Sure, there maybe some men who are "either or". But I feel most men have the need to both be held and feel loved and protected, and to hold close to them the one they wish to also protect and show affection for.

And as for the narrow band of body types thing?
That DEFFINATLY doesn't apply to me(Not to say there aren't a few body types i am not attracted to). But i guess it might to some.....

Appart from that, i can agree with what you're saying.

In two general groups. Was to not to say in just two groups, but 'general groups of a type'.

Narrow body types was directed at um, the OP.
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#25
nakatsusan Wrote:actually I have not really thought about my self as part of that sex. yes, once i tried to imagine myself in gay sex but (sorry, don't want to insult anyone) I felt sick nor active nor passive idea was good for me. but still have this great attraction toward beautiful men.



don't know why but I thought the same. possessed - possess ? thats kind of weird. maybe I'm too romantic person and my word of relationship is second half not the possessed.

You said in your first post:

I can't understand my sexuality. I need some help, if there is some signs or manual to recognize your self better ?

Further you said:

I tried some gay porn and the result is the same I may watch porn with fireman and have no reaction (even might fill uncomfortable) but if there is a character with body I like I may even cum couple of times.

These sorts of questions would lead one to think you were asking us to tell you if you are gay, bi or straight.

I attempted to answer in a way that would leave it open for you to decide for yourself.

The point of my post was to explain that 'gay' is not just a sex act. I tried to use examples that at least one would apply (top or Bottom) which a pretty safe bet that one or the other would apply, I tried to enforce the emotional content over the sex acts attempting to let you see the difference between sex and 'sexual orientation' in a broader range.

So remove sex, remove porn, remove jacking off. How do you feel about the potential of spending your life with a man? How do you feel about spending your life with a woman?

Living with them, sharing your life - what kind of emotional feelings are evoked when you think about one or the other?

There in lies your answer.
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#26
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Narrow body types was directed at um, the OP.
Just saying what i thought on it.Confusedmile:
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
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#27
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Gay males fall in two general categories 'tops' and 'bottoms'. While this also is a descriptive term for sexual activities, it is more of an emotional mind set.

I would have to say that I would disagree with this too. More accurate to say that there is a spectrum between 'pure tops' and 'pure bottoms', but even that would be an over-simplification.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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#28
I personally think the Kinsey Scale has it right but I also think that if labels make you uncomfortable don't bother with them...life is short...just be who you are and that may change and evolve as you go along...

If labels are important to you the only time I take notice of and mentally and vocally insert myself into the process is when someone who has homosexual tendencies or is homosexual and cannot accept it takes it out on people who can and do accept it....which brings me to my final point that I think is relevant...

Treat other people's sexual preferences without judgement and you will most likely find yourself eventually in a position where you will treat yourself with that same kind of understanding and acceptance that you have nurtured and be a much better person because of it. JMOWink
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#29
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:So remove sex, remove porn, remove jacking off. How do you feel about the potential of spending your life with a man? How do you feel about spending your life with a woman?

Living with them, sharing your life - what kind of emotional feelings are evoked when you think about one or the other?

There in lies your answer.

O M G !!! I'm a freak !!!
Did not liked any of them Big Grin thought about spending my life only with one person was disgusting !!! by just thinking about that made me feel like I'm caved. though I want son or daughter, perhaps I really am afraid of not finding real second half because I quite often think about that, I mean real second half, yes I've been in love but never felt that she was the one
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#30
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Yes I know the word is Homosexual - however too many people look at the word and see homoSEXual and think its only about sex....
Indeed, and look at how stupid that makes them look.

Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Gay males fall in two general categories 'tops' and 'bottoms'. While this also is a descriptive term for sexual activities, it is more of an emotional mind set.

A 'top' would be the man who is the protector, the defender, the one who wants to do the holding and wants to be 'the man'.

A 'bottom' would be the one who wants to be held, wants to be protected. What we do in bed sexually often affirms one of these two 'sides' to human nature.

These side emotions, or underlying emotions take place even if a couple are not actively having sex ...
That's pretty controversial. It sounds like imposing a very traditional heterosexual view of the world on us. It is not my experience and it doesn't really make sense. There are times to nurture, but also times to be nurtured. This is not a gay thing, it is a human thing. Reducing gay sexuality to "tops and bottoms" is too reductive.

Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Ultimately you do have a choice in how you identify yourself. YOU pick the label that you want to wear.
Ideally that is the case.
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