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I know I am old and changes are to be expected BUT this last one is the weirdest one I can think's like a piece of me got lost or died and I can't get it back. It was maybe a two year process that felt like I was drowning and I had to learn to breathe underwater and I kept trying to fight it but it was no use....

My change...I don't give a fuck about politics anymore. I am...and always will be...far left and progressive (I am not a Democrat) but I no longer care to defend my positions or give a shit if anyone else agrees with me or not.

The entire reason I entered the internet world back in the 90s was a political board where I spent years arguing at length with neo cons...and I did it well for many years except for the Reagan part which was my Achilles heel...I had instant turrets when anyone mentioned the fucker. I think he was Satan...or the closest thing to Satan we will ever experience.

I am not sure if I just don't care anymore?...or if I said everything I ever wanted to say and I have had enough? I hate to think I have given up but basically very few elected officials represent my POV in government anyway and I pretty much have to plug my nose to vote for anyone and the vote is usually a vote AGAINST the other guy rather than FOR the person I am voting for. The exception is Barbara Boxer whom I do like.

Anyone else ever experience drastic changes where a part of you is just...gone?
East, am not sure if it is personal evolution or merely cynicism, but yes I too have parts that are gone.

I believe that it is rooted in our fight / flight bias. The drastic changes prevent most of us from going bonkers. We all know people who have invented their own reality, simply by becoming so focused on one item. They have become detached from the reality that surrounds them.

Sadly, we have huge corporations / organizations / religious entities who exist solely to continue the fight of one ideology. And for whatever reason we support that. There are those that attempt to fix time and space to a particular event that happened decades / centuries ago. To me, such people (and their organizations) are preventing our society from evolving.
East Wrote:Anyone else ever experience drastic changes where a part of you is just...gone?

Yes, I chose to be secular. 50Plus already explained the main reason.
I've noticed:

Sometimes I look around and I notice there aren't ash trays Everywhere... Inside stores, theaters, air planes, even CARS. I notice cars don't have wing windows anymore, or the high beam button on the floor. Kids are rude and walk down the middle of the streets. People don't call each other "Mister" or "Mrs." anymore. People don't dress up, and are often seen in pajama bottoms and slippers in public. Agriculture and lumber isn't the main means of income anymore. Everything now are Big Box stores with nearly NO customer service. We bag our own groceries now. Gas attendants don't check our oil or wash windshields. CASH is rarely used, and almost frowned upon. Funny sit-coms were replaced by reality shows. NEWS used to be unbiased. People used to WANT to work for a living instead of welfare/government handouts. Our borders were more secure. Singers had talent. Roller skating was popular. People weren't addicted to smart phones/cell phones. The nation was thinner when we used REAL sugar instead of corn syrup... PEOPLE were thinner! Fast food was a rare treat. Parents could discipline their kids. Shootings and murder was rare. Pot was illegal. Crazy people were locked up. Commercials only happened at regular intervals, not DURING the show on pop ups. Begging was looked down on. SPAM advertising didn't exist. NSA/government spying didn't exist (to the extent it does now)...

... I guess that's enough for now. Smile
Yes. I.... nothing to do with politics but, I have.

Most notably (other than those created by a physical change in my appearance that facilitated change) was a few years ago.

I.... lost my naivety. I -felt- myself lose it, and mourned it.

Up until I was around 20 or so, I had a persevering faith in people. In the -good- of people. I had an unbroken -faith- in people.

Yes, I was a bit of a pessimist, but I always believed that people rode a moral compass similar to my own. I trusted easily. I believed in others and took them at face value, believing in their sincerity.

Even having experienced a few betrayals by people I'd considered friends, and one larger one from my ex-turned-stalker (the home invasion hadn't happened yet)... I still held tight to that faith.

Until something happened. A group of women had befriended Gideon and I and become (what I believed) good and close friends to both of us. This friendship had developed over a year or so, and I found them to be... wonderful friends. Diverse and sincere. They found their way, each in their unique way, into my heart and I trusted them openly and freely with my confidences, vulnerabilities, fears, and joys.

Then, one night, it was shared with me by an anonymous source some of the things said about me behind closed doors. (Things said -in writing- which could easily be identified as genuine writing styles of those women I thought my friends.) These things negated -everything- they had presented to my face. They weren't just a 'momentary rant' but months of comments, wishes I would disappear so they could hang out with Gideon alone, name calling and gripes, etc.

It was crushing. Agonizing. I felt my naivety tear free and be irreparably damaged. My entire perspective on people in general changed, crumbled like the corrosion of rust taking hold and eating away at it.

Since then, I view people differently. Even people I consider friends... I view them differently. I keep them at a distance, even when I think that -maybe- I shouldn't. Only Gideon and my sister were spared from this shift in perspective.

I think that trust and naivety was beautiful. It's gone. It won't be coming back. But I definitely miss it and mourned its loss.
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Yes.

I.... lost my naivety. I -felt- myself lose it, and mourned it.


I can relate to this...

As a youth, I believed in magic, fairies, elves, trolls, monsters, vampires, Santa Claus, Genies, god, angels, demons, satan, witches, Big Foot, Super Heroes, Aliens, ... I had quite the imagination pretending stuff...

... now... I'm left with the cold hard reality of life.
After therapy I don't seem to be able to get drowned in depression like I used to back before my 20's. Does that count?
Yes, things change and I simply do not worry as much about it any more.
I bid NO Trump!
I mourned the loss of my love for Saturday morning cartoons when I began to sober up at 26 and realized I'd lost that valued commitment years previous. I was totally unaware of the loss up to a particular moment years later (around 26). I was in therapy and when I realized it I was actually angry and it felt "silly" because of the subject, but as I tried to process it and relate it to other more potent concerns that loss became more symbolic and more painful. I think mourning my loss of that love continued for quite a while. With the development of the wonderful DC Comics and Marvel movie developments I came to see that loss as an opportunity to consider developing a new relative interest. So now I look forward to hot folk in hot costumes with hot toys. All better. Xyxwave
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection...
My helping people out in times of need or just being a listener of others problems. I haven't quite lost it yet but it is quickly going away. It scares me because that is the type of caring person I am. I think it may be because there is no reciprocation when I could use it.
Could also be that where I live there is no longer general courtesy towards people and it really pisses me off!
This and everything Borg69 said above!

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