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Differences in guys: Who's supposed to make the first step?
#1
Are there any unwritten rules or wise philosophies?

Who's supposed to make the first step for a flirt when there are obvious differences...

the younger or the older?
The older one who's into the younger one might be holding back, because he doesn't want to be creepy. Is the younger guy who's into the older one supposed to make the first step then?

the average guy or the model guy?
The average guy mostly thinks that the model guy is "out of his league" and thinks he has no chance. Is the model guy who's into the average guy supposed to make the first step then?

the richer or the poorer?
The poorer might feel inferior, or worse, like a whore. Is the richer guy who's into the poorer one supposed to make the first step then?

Feel free to add other examples to the list, I'm really curious about what you think!
#2
Interesting questions for an insomniac like myself.

Quote:The younger or the older....

In my experience, it's the older guy that approaches. That's not to say they instigate, only that they appoach. I did a lot of instigating when I was single, but in the end, I left it up to them to come to me whenever it was someone older.

Quote:The average guy or the "model" guy...

Same as above? I dunno where I fit on that spectrum. I instigate, they approach. I figure by instigating, that I've shown my interest and the ball is then in their court. If, on the other hand THEY instigated, I would approach if I was interested.

Quote:The richer or the poorer...

This was never a factor for me unless I was looking to get paid for something.

Addition: Dominant or submissive...

I DO see people in this aspect, always have even before getting into D/s with Gideon. Some people have dominant personalities, others are more submissive and/or shy. If I notice (or sense in some way) that the person I was interested in is more dominant than I am, I will instigate but required them to approach. On the other hand, if I sensed the person of interest was shy or less dominant than myself, I had no problem putting forth the extra effort to make sure they knew I was interested.

Sorry for typos. I might be an insomniac, but I refuse to get off the bed and go to the laptop.
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
#3
I can never figure it out. [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] 's response makes the most sense. The thing you need to keep in mind, you might feel like a 4 on a scale from 1-10 but someone might see you as a 9, I'm serious. Someone, and I would certainly hope, shouldn't worry about whether you're rich or poor. Young or old to see wouldn't matter, I think the key here is do what feels right. However, probably one's tendencies to be more dominant would be the one to make the approach I would think.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#4
axle2152 Wrote:I can never figure it out. [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] 's response makes the most sense. The thing you need to keep in mind, you might feel like a 4 on a scale from 1-10 but someone might see you as a 9, I'm serious.

I agree with you there, people have different preferences which make them see attractiveness as different things. Some people always seem to think they're not that good looking, I'm kinda one of them - on the rare occassion someone compliments me and calls me handsome I can't help but feel suspiscious, like they're taking pity on me, when I know I should just thank them, take the compliment and run! Smile

No matter how attractive your 'model' guy is if he feels the same way about himself and if the 'average' guy is confident in his looks then the 'average' guy will probably have to initiate contact.
#5
It's usually me. In my interactions, by far most of the time I make the first move. I have no problem with it, and I actually like it.

I think the unwritten rule, regardless of age or anything, is that the one who figures it out first that he's interested will end up making the first move. And if you want someone bad enough there is no other option open to you other than to make a move. This always seemed the logic of it to me. I'm not conscious of the age or looks factoring into it at all.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
#6
Justaguy Wrote:I agree with you there, people have different preferences which make them see attractiveness as different things. Some people always seem to think they're not that good looking, I'm kinda one of them - on the rare occassion someone compliments me and calls me handsome I can't help but feel suspiscious, like they're taking pity on me, when I know I should just thank them, take the compliment and run! Smile

No matter how attractive your 'model' guy is if he feels the same way about himself and if the 'average' guy is confident in his looks then the 'average' guy will probably have to initiate contact.

I have have found that many guys are very insecure about their looks and it seems that guys who are very much attractive are equally or more so insecure. So it is a gray area, it's hard to say who will or who should make the first move, whether it be a first kiss. I guess there's really no single right or wrong answer here. Which is kind of why I feel that it should just feel right and it's really a matter of what you justify as being right whether it is the dominant guy, the cuter guy (mind you beauty is subjective no matter what you think you look like), the rich guy or the poor guy. If you feel alright about it go for it, I don't think there are any rules unless there is something customary about holding hands lol
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#7
The person who can overcome their fear of rejection is generally the first person to "make a move."

It's easy to fake self-confidence on social apps. When I was still on them, I usually opened with "Hey, how's it going?" and waited to see where it went.

IRL - there were a couple of guys I hit on, but it took all my courage and a fair amount of alcohol to loosen up enough to approach them. Usually, bought them a drink from across the bar first to break the ice.
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE
#8
Channeling Paul Lynde: "The one with the longer tongue." {Warning: Joke and not to be taken seriously.}

Aquarius, your question shows that you have a very good understanding of conventional etiquette. In this case, owever, the rules have not been written yet. It is also the case that intimate situations such as flirting do not necessarily follow the rules of etiquette because hey are so very personal. Certainly others here have excellent ideas but the answer, in m view, probably comes to be that the two people involved must determine what is appropriate. This is why a date, or a relationship, "works" or not. We often hear this pt in terms such as, "We did/did not have the right chemistry." As Pascal said, "The heart has reasons of which reason knows nothing."
I bid NO Trump!
#9
kindy64 Wrote:The person who can overcome their fear of rejection is generally the first person to "make a move.

I dunno about this one. I've never really had a very strong fear of rejection.

But, maybe that's why I differentiate between "instigating" and "approaching". When I was single, I instigated a lot. Smiles and grins. Looks and glances. A suggestively raised eyebrow. Those sort of things. But a good portion of the time it ended there unless they then took the initiative to approach. (The exception being those that I clearly sensed were shy/submissive, in ehich case I looked for signs of continued interest and would approach.)
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
#10
Main point was more that I don't think there are any general guidelines on who should approach another.

There aren't any conventions in the straight dating world, at least now a days. Way back when, it was assumed the guy would always ask the girl out, but there were always "liberated" women who would defy convention.

If you want to go out with someone, ASK. Better than sitting there wondering if they're going to get the hint that you're flirting with them (guys can be super dense with that.)
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE


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