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Does he know about my crush? (NEED YOUR HELP)
#1
Hello everyone,
I told my crush indirectly that I have feelings for him, but I'm not sure if it was clear enough for him to get it or not, so I need to know what you guys think.
We've met 2 months ago and became good friends, and I felt the need to tell him.
He invited me for dinner one night, and I've tried reaaaally badly to tell him each time but I really couldn't, it would have sounded weird because we were on a friendly conversation and I didn't show any sign of attraction to him before because I'm terribly bad at it. So at a certain point before he leaves, I told him 'I need to tell you something', then I was like "oh it's nothing nevermind". Although he kept insisting on me to tell him, I didn't. He later sent me a text saying "you can tell me here (on Whatsapp) if you feel more at ease", and I told him "I think you've already guessed it", then I told him it's alright maybe another time. He replied by saying "we can always be wrong" & "No pressure"
I know you're thinking it's a complete mess and I'm just complicated, but what it's done now is done. Was it too obvious? Do you think he knows about it now?
#2
I don't think you're complicated. You're just immature.

Hopefully someday you'll realize the only way to find, have and keep what you really want is to be direct and honest about it.

Everything else is just self-and-other deception that ends up doing the opposite of what you think you want.
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#3
MikeW Wrote:I don't think you're complicated. You're just immature.

Hopefully someday you'll realize the only way to find, have and keep what you really want is to be direct and honest about it.

Everything else is just self-and-other deception that ends up doing the opposite of what you think you want.

Hope you realize that some suffers of social anxiety. You may not picture how hard it is for them to be open about their feelings and express themselves to others, but they really struggle with it. So if you call it immaturity, you're entitled.
#4
bodylanguage Wrote:Hope you realize that some suffers of social anxiety. You may not picture how hard it is for them to be open about their feelings and express themselves to others, but they really struggle with it. So if you call it immaturity, you're entitled.
Why would I "realize" it unless you tell me?

This makes my point. If you're not clear in your communications, you can't expect good, let alone empathetic, responses.

Yeah, OK, so you have "social anxiety". Well, why not say that right from the get go rather than asking people what they think and then dropping that bomb shell after the fact?
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#5
MikeW Wrote:Why would I "realize" it unless you tell me?

This makes my point. If you're not clear in your communications, you can't expect good, let alone empathetic, responses.

Yeah, OK, so you have "social anxiety". Well, why not say that right from the get go rather than asking people what they think and then dropping that bomb shell after the fact?

Well I thought it would be enough clear when I said that it was really hard for me to tell him each time, at how bad I am in showing signs of attraction etc... I don't have to state my social anxiety, the idea is clear that I had the will to tell him but I was unable. Could it be due to what else in your opinion ?
Also, if you do get that I'm bad at communicating, why would you reproach me for just saying it now ? Maybe judging too fast wasn't the right thing for you to do. But again, I'm not here to discuss about what I've done, I clearly stated that I know what happened is just bad, and that "what is done is done". I'm simply asking for answers to my question. Thanks for the concern there.
#6
I don't think he knows about your crush. I don't think you're complicated. Being nervous around someone you find attractive is pretty damn normal. If you're more comfortable with an indirect approach with him, just ask him out for dinner. Keep engaging and maybe he will figure you out and how you communicate.

I don't think [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] is entitled in any way.

I don't think you will get a lot of help on here when you sling ad hominems at one of our prized members who is genuinely trying to help. It would be great to own your outburst at him.

Our mind reading abilities are not all that great, but when you give us a good deal of relevant information, there's a greater chance at relevant advice. The quality of the output is related to the quality of the input. I was not apparent to him nor to me in reading your opening post of any degree of social anxiety beyond normal attraction jitters.

People here genuinely want to help; I can assure you of that.
#7
bodylanguage Wrote:So at a certain point before he leaves, I told him 'I need to tell you something', then I was like "oh it's nothing nevermind". Although he kept insisting on me to tell him, I didn't. He later sent me a text saying "you can tell me here (on Whatsapp) if you feel more at ease", and I told him "I think you've already guessed it", then I told him it's alright maybe another time. He replied by saying "we can always be wrong" & "No pressure"


Man up, and tell him in intelligible words. Smile

There's nothing to be afraid of here. Just walk up to him, ask him out, take him to a nice place, and tell him. Be nice. Don't make it like you're head-over-heels for him, just tell him you like him, and that you think he's a great person. Etc.

Another option is not to do it verbally, but through some physical expression.

You're gonna have to get used to the idea that people like other people, and want to be with them, and there's nothing wrong with that whether it's reciprocal or one-sided. The important part is to be able to communicate your interest and appreciation to another person appropriately. Every man does it differently. What works for some doesn't work for others. You'll have to learn what works in your case. That's all there is to it, bare-bones.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
#8
bodylanguage Wrote:Was it too obvious? Do you think he knows about it now?

It's hard to know what's going on inside someone else's head (you'd be surprised by what you can find in those things). But that he took the time to follow up on this awkward exchange with a reassuring text sounds to me like he's receptive to whatever is on your mind. I would suggest you don't squander the opportunity. The ball's in your court, love.
#9
bodylanguage Wrote:Well I thought it would be enough clear when I said that it was really hard for me to tell him each time, at how bad I am in showing signs of attraction etc... I don't have to state my social anxiety, the idea is clear that I had the will to tell him but I was unable. Could it be due to what else in your opinion ?
I already stated what else it could be "in my opinion".

So... you think we should assume that when someone isn't able to say, "Hey, buddy, you know, I really like you a lot and would like to date you and see where it goes... Would you be up for that?" ... that they suffer from "social anxiety"? Rather than just assuming they're too immature to express their genuine interest and feelings?

Nothing wrong with being immature, BTW, we all have been at one time and another and probably still are one way and another.

The question is, are we going to learn to take more responsibility for our feelings and desires and learn to express them appropriately? You may feel terrified to do it but that right there is what you need to work on. It really isn't all that difficult to say (in your own words appropriate to the occasion): "I feel ____________ (fill in the blank), and I would like to _____________(fill in the blank). How do you feel about that?" And then listen to the other guy's reply.

Quote:Also, if you do get that I'm bad at communicating, why would you reproach me for just saying it now ? Maybe judging too fast wasn't the right thing for you to do. But again, I'm not here to discuss about what I've done, I clearly stated that I know what happened is just bad, and that "what is done is done". I'm simply asking for answers to my question. Thanks for the concern there.
Hmmm... a little passive aggressive NIGISOB (now I got you, you son of a bitch) at the end there, huh? I know, I'm good at hitting nerves and stepping on sensitive corns. Yeah, you don't want to talk about your communication skills... but that's precisely what you need to work on.

It's not like you're unique, you know. Most everyone is terrible at communicating... which is one of the reasons so many relationships (especially young gay relationships) FAIL.

Bottom line, a relationship IS communication... and not only in words, either. It's how we ARE with one another. How we relate to one another. How we are is either open and honest, bringing out the best in one another, or it isn't. If it is, we have a good relationship. If it isn't, we don't, and it probably won't last. In fact, it will probably devolve into some sort of self-and-other abuse (that can sometimes drag on for years).

The fundamental trick to having open, honest communication with your partner/BF/husband/FWB/playmate or what-have-you is to be open and honest *with yourself*. If you can do that, it will be much easier to do so with him.

In this instance, accept the fact you have a crush on this guy. You want to date (and probably more). Great!! Nothing wrong with that.

Now, the question is, does he feel the same way? TERROR!!!!! OMFG...What do I do if he doesn't!??!?!?!?!?!

Well, that's just it. That's what you have to find out. Beating around the bush only muddies the water. Worse, you're doing yourself a disservice while being disrespectful of him. By not being open and honest with him, you're depriving him of the opportunity to be open and honest with you. If he isn't interested, no problem. At least now you know. You may feel disappointed but, trust me (from one who knows from years of experience) it is FAR better to have that clear than to go on pining after someone who just isn't into you that way. No one should do that to themselves.

OTOH, If he does feel the same, YAY!!!!, you get to take the next step and see where it goes.

The only other option is he, himself, doesn't know what he wants... but that's a whole other kettle of kit and kaboodle.
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#10
Some people are just shy, or have trouble expressing their feelings when they are around others. Doesn't make it social anxiety. And no, it wasn't clear from any of your posts until you stated it directly that you had SAD.

So, don't be so defensive when you don't state clearly what your issues are, and people don't guess them.

Otherwise, be clear and direct with the object of your feelings. Guys seem to be clueless, and need a direct approach. Hints go over our heads.

And, no, I don't think your crush knows you are crushing on him.
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE


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