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• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  LateBloomer > 12-19-2011, 07:05 PM

  This is posted in "Gay Dating" but I'd like to hear from everyone (those in straight relationships too).
  
  What is everyone's opinion on the idea of having a "rebound" fling after a serious relationship ends?
  
  Is it just a fun thing to do?
  Or does it provide some psychological/emotional transition?
  Is it NECESSARY in order to move on?
  Has anyone ever gone from one serious relationship to another with no rebound?
  
  Thanks.
  

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  jbd555 > 12-19-2011, 07:19 PM

  I can say that I have, but it was many moons ago. To me it was hard to fill his shoe physically and emotionally. What I did was I started dating again and until the moment I felt it was time for a new relationship, I surrounded myself with my good friends who kept me busy and provided emotional support.
  Breakups are NEVER easy and to me love is like a sunburn. Once burned, the pain is very intense and lasts for a long time. If you decide to rebound even just with a physical fling, emotions always play into it. There is an immediate attraction to the person you rebound with. This is my opinion from my experience. Wish I could say something to help with the heartache. mile:

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  pellaz > 12-19-2011, 07:33 PM

  I divorced my wife in straight relationship. I took many years to be totally for sure this was the correct thing to do. I know I or my wife would not have been able to just go an do it with out a lot of anger. In some ways I am glad to have taken it slow and listened to my emotions along the way and have good friends to push pull me along.
  
  After breaking up with a boy i usually whore around, find anything that has a dick till I start thinking for my self again.
  
  Conversely; I have become close friends with men that i admire but are in an unstable relationship, hang in there as a friend till they break up. Usually puts you first in line.

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  LateBloomer > 12-19-2011, 07:34 PM

  jbd555 Wrote:I can say that I have, but it was many moons ago. To me it was hard to fill his shoe physically and emotionally. What I did was I started dating again and until the moment I felt it was time for a new relationship, I surrounded myself with my good friends who kept me busy and provided emotional support.
  Breakups are NEVER easy and to me love is like a sunburn. Once burned, the pain is very intense and lasts for a long time. If you decide to rebound even just with a physical fling, emotions always play into it. There is an immediate attraction to the person you rebound with. This is my opinion from my experience. Wish I could say something to help with the heartache. mile:

  
  Thanks for sharing your experience, but I'm not the one looking FOR a rebound. I'm afraid I might BE the rebound--and I don't want to play that part.
  
  Maybe I should have made that clear in my original post.

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  LateBloomer > 12-19-2011, 07:37 PM

  pellaz Wrote:I divorced my wife in straight relationship. I took many years to be totally for sure this was the correct thing to do. I know I or my wife would not have been able to just go an do it with out a lot of anger. In some ways I am glad to have taken it slow and listened to my emotions along the way and have good friends to push pull me along.
  
  After breaking up with a boy i usually whore around, find anything that has a dick till I start thinking for my self again.
  
  Conversely; I have become close friends with men that i admire but are in an unstable relationship, hang in there as a friend till they break up. Usually puts you first in line.

  
  I agree friendship is invaluable. Thanks.

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  zeon > 12-19-2011, 10:11 PM

  Hello,
  When i was 18 i gave up my life in Brighton and moved to a small town known as Nairn in Northern Scotland to be with a 17 year old guy who i met online and fell in love with immediately... He was so sweet and nice until one day he broke my heart into pieces and pushed me to a dark corner which lead me to go off the rails.... I then had 18 months of depression and met a guy on a site who i got on well with met up and formed a relationship that lasted 3 months and one day i woke up and thought... l cannot continue to live like this and broke his heart over dinner.... After many tears and whatnot we kind of drifted apart and I then met my current boyfriend who i have been with for 6 years and 3 months on and off usually causdded by a bicker! lol... l have found that i havent forgiven myself for how hurtful i was but if everything happens for a reason maybe he had to be the re bound for me to get over my ex in scotland...
  
  l would advise never hurt those with love if its not proper love
  
  kinde3st regards
  
  zeon x

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  LateBloomer > 12-19-2011, 10:30 PM

  zeon Wrote:Hello,
  When i was 18 i gave up my life in Brighton and moved to a small town known as Nairn in Northern Scotland to be with a 17 year old guy who i met online and fell in love with immediately... He was so sweet and nice until one day he broke my heart into pieces and pushed me to a dark corner which lead me to go off the rails.... I then had 18 months of depression and met a guy on a site who i got on well with met up and formed a relationship that lasted 3 months and one day i woke up and thought... l cannot continue to live like this and broke his heart over dinner.... After many tears and whatnot we kind of drifted apart and I then met my current boyfriend who i have been with for 6 years and 3 months on and off usually causdded by a bicker! lol... l have found that i havent forgiven myself for how hurtful i was but if everything happens for a reason maybe he had to be the re bound for me to get over my ex in scotland...
  
  l would advise never hurt those with love if its not proper love
  
  kinde3st regards
  
  zeon x

  
  Thanks for your story.
  
  My questions are (if you don't mind):
  
  1) What was it about your "rebound guy" that made you think you couldn't continue like that?
  
  and 2) Do you think you needed to "break someone's heart" after yours got smashed to pieces?
  
  Was it a necessary process or do you think you could have gotten along without having had this person in between your two important relationships?
  
  I hope my questions aren't too personal.
  

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  Bowyn Aerrow > 12-20-2011, 12:41 AM

  I have been the rebound 'date' and its not pretty... As such I wait about a year after a relationship ends before accepting options to date.
  
  There have been longer periods.....
  
  I do not think rebound dating is necessary. In fact it may be counterproductive. I have always used post relationship periods to focus on what I did wrong and try to fix myself. I become a bit selfish and focus on the 'me' part of my life.
  
  Out of all the things I do wrong when it comes to emotional hygiene, this is one of the few things psychologies have told me I instinctively do 'right'. :biggrin:

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  LateBloomer > 12-20-2011, 01:01 AM

  Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I have been the rebound 'date' and its not pretty... As such I wait about a year after a relationship ends before accepting options to date.
  
  There have been longer periods.....
  
  I do not think rebound dating is necessary. In fact it may be counterproductive. I have always used post relationship periods to focus on what I did wrong and try to fix myself. I become a bit selfish and focus on the 'me' part of my life.
  
  Out of all the things I do wrong when it comes to emotional hygiene, this is one of the few things psychologies have told me I instinctively do 'right'. :biggrin:

  
  Thanks.
  The part in bold hits pretty close to home.

• Having a "rebound" after serious relationship ends

  Rainbowmum > 12-20-2011, 05:55 AM

  I think that rebound dating is a totally selfish act, where someone innocent pays for the mistakes of someone else.
  It's cruel to raise and mislead the hopes of another person.
  
  I would say sort your self out first.
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