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So I've met this wonderful guy that I want to share my life with, we're together for 6 months now. Everything is wonderful, but we do have a little problem in our bed. The first time we had sex he told me that he's not into anal, he hasn't ever done it and doesn't ever want to do it. I like anal very much, I've been both top and bottom and actually it's quite hard for me to imagine a complete, pleasurable sex without anal. I know that there are many gay couples who doesn't do it too, but I believe these are the cases when both partners are not into it.
When we have sex, it's everything - kissing, mutual masturbation, oral, etc, everything except anal. When I sometimes try to carefully initiate it, he doesn't let me and asks me to stop.
We've talked about it and even argued about it, but he categorically refuses to try, he said it's disgusting and dirty thing to do ( might sound weird coming from a gay man, but that's what he said). He even said that if I want anal, I'll probably have to look for a different boyfriend. I won't do it, of course, I love him and I want to be together with him.
Of course, I will not force him to anything. I just don't understand how can you be so strict about something you've never tried?
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I kind of agree that it's a bad thing to condemn anal before trying it, but if that's a decision he's made there's nothing to do but respect it. If his reason was based around some kind of myth it would be one thing, but if he simply finds it to be dirty (which, to be fair, it sort of is) then just accept it.
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I'm with you here. Although some guys are against it I don't understand why?
He says it is disgusting and there may be a story or 2 behind that? I would try to get him to open up about it which u have tried. He has also given u an ultimatum about it so unless he opens up about his reasons, you options are to accept it or not to except it.
Good luck!
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Because everyone has their preferences.
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Perhaps it hurts him, he's afraid of infections, or tears? The risk is very minute, but anal sex can cause a fistula which is very much life threatening. Anal sex is gross, you're dealing with an area of the body primarily involved in excretion. Obviously, sex in itself is objectively gross (obviously this isn't what anyone should be thinking during sex!!!) -- anal sex is grosser for many people, which you must consider does make sense. These are things that may have even happened to your partner in the past, and that he has no plans on repeating. It is perfectly reasonable for someone to fear, be grossed out, or to not prefer anal sex.
Despite this, anal sex is safe and enjoyable when done correctly --- but it's not for everyone and should not be pushed.
Please respect your partner's preferences --- he may come to hate himself, and you, if he finds himself unable to perform, or being forced to do things he does not wish to do.
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Q. He's completely against anal sex, why?
A. he said it's disgusting and dirty thing to do.
Seriously, shit comes out of that hole, shit is disgusting to most people. Humans are creatures that have bowel control and that leads to us shitting away from where we eat/sleep/ etc. As such its more natural for us to have a disgust factor when it comes to fecal matter.
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Like an enema kit and some soap and water can't solve that problem in a matter of minutes...it's no different than a woman's vagina if she doesn't wash herself, or the foreskin of an intact male if he doesn't keep himself clean. It's all a matter of hygiene.
Anal doesn't have to be disgusting at all. And I don't understand the logic ur bf has about it, if it's so disgusting for him to stick it/recieve it anally because it's disgusting, then why does he find oral pleasurable? At least the anus is a sterile environment, our mouths are truly disgusting, beds of bacteria, etc.
Regardless, if anal is a big part of your sex life, and he doesn't want to do it, you're pretty much left with two choices, go without anal for the rest of your life, or find a new boyfriend. It seems that he's made it clear on that point.
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How is a butthole a sterile environment?
I'm not against it.. even though I'm not big on the whole anal thing.. but seriously?
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While true that things can be cleaned up, it's not true that the anus is sterile. The confusion may be due to the fact that urine is generally sterile. Fecal matter, on the other hand, contains an entire ecosystem.
That said, I'm well in the camp that finds anal sex very pleasurable and have a hard time understanding someone being completely averse to ever trying it.
And finally, I think it's unrealistic to think this isn't going to cause some severe relationship stress. For a lot of guys it would be an instant deal breaker.
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Anonymous Wrote:he categorically refuses to try, he said it's disgusting and dirty thing to do ... if I want anal, I'll probably have to look for a different boyfriend. I won't do it, of course, I love him and I want to be together with him.
Of course, I will not force him to anything. I just don't understand how can you be so strict about something you've never tried?
Your last sentence speaks volumes. It's the part that will never go away. Are you going to wake up some morning ten years from now and say "WTF!! Who says he has the right?" - It could happen - because try as you might you'll never understand what you can't understand now. IF he is willing to discuss it and talk it out about why he has this obsession to the point where you can understand it, rather than just accepting it, then maybe you have a chance. He owes at least that much to you. Otherwise it'll be a one way street. Him being strict, you being accommodating. Who knows how long you can continue being a saint?
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