Hi everyone! So here it goes... I've met this guy and he has pretty much all the qualities I look into when it comes to dating. I haven't had a relationship on a pretty long time, just messing here and there but nothing serious. Last night we spent the night together, it did not get sexual (much) well we cuddled and made out pretty much it. The only problem, really the problem is that he lives 4 hours away from where I live. He's only in town for the summer and then he leaves to go back to college and I wouldn't see him again until next summer or between holidays and stuff like that. We both don't know what to do. He has a car but I don't. And well money for gas is an issue so we wouldn't be able to see each other every weekend or anything like that. I'm so confused!! You guys tell me what you think of the situation? Ps, he's leaving in 3 weeks.
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4 hours isn't that much. You can see each other every weekend if you want to, by bus, train, car or possibly even flight. Or ferry?
Long distance relationships just take slightly more work in one department, but less in another. As humans we have needs and if our partner isn't there to satisfy those needs, we get the urge to seek satisfaction elsewhere and .. you know.. we might cheat! So there's that, patience and honesty needs more working. Meanwhile, you won't get sick of each other stepping over each other all the time. Every time you meet up it will be passionate and wonderful. The goodbyes suck though.
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If you both have a way to meet in the middle, that's only a two hour distance.....not too bad. You could make a try at it.
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My past relationship was similar to yours, we are both in uni, different cities, 2 hours away via train. Personally that didnt work out for us because we both felt lonely at times. But there are people out there who are happy with that and you could be one of them  . What we did was pa a visit every 2 weekends to each other, taking turns on the money n stuff. (a lot of my money went to waste there but I did enjoy myself and thought it was worth) :p. How about you get a job? Try and afford the transport that way, take turns in paying visits or take turns in paying for the transport.
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Cuddly touched on the topics that first come to mind for me...
I've been in a long distance relationship with Gideon for over six years now (we live about 2400 miles away from each other). For us, it works. But we are in contact daily, sometimes more than once a day. We set time aside specifically for each other, to stay in contact and spend time with each other, even if it's chatting in IMs and playing internet games.
Honesty and integrity are extremely important in long distance relationships. You each need to be able to trust the other, not just to remain faithful (realistically, you need to look at if both of you can do this), but also because with a long distance relationship honest communication with each other is crucial to building a stronger relationship bond. This means not just being honest about the little stuff, but being open about your feelings, your day, your life, not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff too, your fears and worries, your insecurities, etc. This means -he- has to be able to do this as well, because it needs to be mutual in order to work.
It -can- be done, though. It's a lot of work, but a satisfying and happy long distance relationship is definitely possible.
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Cuddly touched on the topics that first come to mind for me...
I've been in a long distance relationship with Gideon for over six years now (we live about 2400 miles away from each other). For us, it works. But we are in contact daily, sometimes more than once a day. We set time aside specifically for each other, to stay in contact and spend time with each other, even if it's chatting in IMs and playing internet games.
Honesty and integrity are extremely important in long distance relationships. You each need to be able to trust the other, not just to remain faithful (realistically, you need to look at if both of you can do this), but also because with a long distance relationship honest communication with each other is crucial to building a stronger relationship bond. This means not just being honest about the little stuff, but being open about your feelings, your day, your life, not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff too, your fears and worries, your insecurities, etc. This means -he- has to be able to do this as well, because it needs to be mutual in order to work.
It -can- be done, though. It's a lot of work, but a satisfying and happy long distance relationship is definitely possible.
This helped me a lot thank you so much! All I hope for now is for him to not be scare and just want to try it. Let's hope for the best..
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So long as one of you lives alone and can have the other over frequently, I think it can work. I don't think it's uncommon for established couples to move apart from each other for work etc, but still stay together. I think the issue is primarily that if you don't know the person well, it might be a wasted four hour trip. Once you are established and dating, it is no issue and can work.
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I agree with pretty much everything TwisttheLeaf said. I've been in my current relationship for about a year and a half now, and it's very long distance (as in, approx. 4000 miles between us). There's only a chance for us to meet up once a year for now, and we're managing. We IM on facebook every day for a few hours and get by. It's not easy, that's for sure, and not everyone can handle it, but it's certainly doable if you are both willing to put in the time and effort required.
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I agree with what some of the others have said. Four hours is definitely manageable if you're both willing to put in the effort. I have no idea what transit is like where you are, but if its halfway decent you should both be able to manage the trip once of twice a month, or as CellarDweller suggested, you could meet halfway. Two hours is longer than some of my friends commute to school!
As for keeping the thing going. Contact, contact, and more contact. Not in the sense of being strangling or stifling, but in the sense of being there to talk to each other like a couple not in a long distance relationship. He's going to have tough times in college, and you'll likely have your down times as well. If you can be there to provide support over the phone, text, or email, or even a romantic letter (maybe a box of chocs once in a while), you'll be getting the most out of what any relationship aspires to accomplish; mutual support between two loving people.
That's my twopence anyway, and I hope it works out. Good luck!
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#1. How old are you?
#2. How old is this guy?
#3. Did you meet him thru social media or other internet source?
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