Help My LTR

[ItsJordie]

This is the 1st time I have asked for advice regarding my relationship online. Unfortunately, I don't really have a whole lot of people in my life who I can share such personal details in return for honest, non-biased advice. I hope I receive some decent input here, I sure would appreciate it!

My name is __________ and I am 26 years old and live in the a large city in Kansas. I have been with my partner for 5 years and this November will be our 6th year together. When I met my partner I was attracted to him for many reasons, including his great looks and personality.

I was also attracted to the people he ran around with. They were fun, exciting and exposed me to things I had never experienced before. Prior to meeting my partner, I lived in an extremely small town an hour outside of the big city and lived a very sheltered life. I had never drank a beer, been to a club or bar or did a lot of things most people my age were doing.

And of course the sex was great! I had never been put into so many different positions. Don't get me wrong though, although sex is physically satisfying, I've always viewed it as a very important aspect of any relationship. It allows me to connect with my partner on an entirely different level, making me feel loved and cared for.

A year after we met, we moved in with each other and soon after I obtained a great job (I have an impressive background for my age) and was able to help my partner obtain a position at the same firm, working only feet away from my office. Things were great at 1st, but as we spent more time together, our sex life began to diminish and we became extremely comfortable with one another, which I assume happens in all relationships once the puppy love wears off.

Eventually, I quit my job and opened my own business. My partner eventually quit his job and came to work for the business. The business began to consume our lives. Our days began to consist of waking up, going to work, getting off work and relaxing (in separate areas) for a few hours before bed. We didn't spend quality time together, as we were already together all the time, nor did we have sex (and it wasn't because I didn't try to, my partner was unwilling) or do anything special to make the other feel appreciated.

The business was sold during the Summer of 2013 and in the Winter of 2013 we opened a smaller business that is far less demanding and allows us to have a personal life again. With that said, nothing has changed with our relationship. We still don't spend quality time with each other (we never talk about how we feel about things going on in our lives or just get to know each other), when we're around each other it feels more like I'm with a roommate than my partner, and we have absolutely no sex (and it isn't because he doesn't have a desire as each and every night he takes a shower in the bathroom connected with our bedroom and I can hear him jacking off).

Not having sex makes me feel unloved and unattractive. I don't think we have done it more than 15 times since we have been together. We haven't had any sex this year (2015). I've discussed this aspect of our relationship with my partner several times since we've been together and still, nothing changes. I'm attractive, smart and faithful, yet even when I make an attempt, I'm turned down. The worst part is, since I've discussed the lack of sex with my partner a handful of times, the thought of having sex with him seems awkward as I feel it would only be done to pacify me.

My relationship feels more like a friendship. I've told him I'm unhappy and have even made comments which imply that I am thinking about leaving and he seems unfazed. I think he would be extremely devastated if I ever left, as I would be if he did so, but that is also what is keeping us both from acting. I know he isn't cheating on me, I think we may have ruined the relationship by spending every waking hour together for the majority of it, never being apart for more than a few hours?

Am I wrong or is having sex at least 2 or 3 times a month an reasonable expectation for a couple in their 20s? Should I accept the status of my relationship and try to make it work, even though I've discussed my feelings with partner? Is it unreasonable for me to feel disconnected when my partner doesn't want to set down and ask me about my thoughts and feelings, thus I don't attempt the same? Am I in an incompatible relationship, as he portrayed himself as a top when we initially met and I told him I was a bottom, but could be versatile, he ended up being a bottom too and doesn't seem to like to be versatile?

Should I leave him?

[Lycanthropist]

Should I leave him?

Not to be facetious, but is there anything left to leave? The problem may have been spending so much time together, seemingly without a break, that from what you write he may have gotten bored. Some people can handle being around someone else 24/7, while there are some of us that need the occasional break.

Early on in your post you implied you had sex on a regular basis, but then you say it was a total of 15 times. If the latter is true, that's not a lot considering the time you've been together. You'll have to face the fact that sometimes things don't work out the way we want, and people grow apart. It seems to me that you have reached that point. You're in the friendzone. Roommates.

In my unbiased opinion, yes, you should leave him. You're young and have what is left of your life to live. Go live it. Don't stay in a loveless situation if you're unhappy.

Good luck in your future.

[Darius]

It sounds like he has abandoned you sexually and emotionally. His actions are speaking louder than any words.

You gave him a blow job and he cummed, then told you to go jack off. Are you willing to spend your life like that? Just servicing him on the rare occasion he lets you touch him?
This is not good, man.

What will you do?

[East]

Have you considered bringing in a third guy to jump start your sex lives?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't leave him.

I can, however, tell you that your relationship is pretty much how the average relationship works out. Regardless of sexual orientation.

There are several factors at work. The first and most important one is that love is not a single state of being, it has stages which usually starts off as hot passionate romance then slowly cools down and deepens into a more 'good freinds' sort of thing.

The other factor at work is that stress kills relationships. With all of this stuff you all have been doing, a wedge was driven between you two - a wedge of stress. You both isolated and ended up coming to rely on dealing with 'stuff' on your own. Now you two are at the point where neither can or wants to talk and bridge that gap - but what is most likely the real situation is you both feel the same dispare and long for what you had but neither of you knows how to regain that.

5 years is along time for 20-somethings to be together. The other issue here is that the 20's are a decade of high evolution in what one things and feels about being an Adult on Planet Earth. We all start off in our late teens with fairly childish understandings of what 'adult' means and how the world works. After a decade we find that our perspective on 'reality' has changed so much we have stopped being that child we were and have become someone else.

Thus it is possible that you two have both changed your minds - due to experience, and have different requirements from a relationship and a partner.

The best option at this time is to seek guidance and an impartial third party who has an education and has learned how to steer couples to have real communication. That would be a couples therapist. There are ones who specialize with LGBT.

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=lgb...ta&spell=1 Is a good place to start looking for one.

IF both of you are in the same general area of wanting to work out the relationship, and IF both of you are able and willing to do the work, there is a high chance that you two can learn how to reconnect, learn how to be that couple you two were long ago.

Since I can't read your or his mind, I can't tell you what it is you both are really thinking and feeling. Hard truth is that few humans know what they really are feeling, then there is the added complication of trying to express emotions with words - English is a terrible language, a good example is the word Love. Love, as we all know, has so many permutations and means so many different things. We love Mom - but that is not the same kind of Love we have for our Dog, nor our mate nor our best friend, or the flavor of ice cream that does it for us.

Expressing accurately what love we are feeling, or what frustration we have or anger we have or any other emotion we are experiencing is a huge stumbling block for couples. Seems to me that you both need an interpreter, someone a bit more skilled with the whole human psychology thing to assist you in finding the right words to express what you feel and how you feel it.

[Rareboy]

I think the two of you should likely call it a day.

[TwisttheLeaf]

IMO, it's time for some communication.

My advice is to remove the "Should I leave him" from the end of everything you typed out here.

Print it out, and give it to him, and ask him to talk with you about what's going on.

Keep an open mind, keep an open heart. Listen to what he has to say, and -talk- without being accusatory in the process.