04-11-2015, 05:57 AM
This is the 1st time I have asked for advice regarding my relationship online. Unfortunately, I don't really have a whole lot of people in my life who I can share such personal details in return for honest, non-biased advice. I hope I receive some decent input here, I sure would appreciate it!
My name is __________ and I am 26 years old and live in the a large city in Kansas. I have been with my partner for 5 years and this November will be our 6th year together. When I met my partner I was attracted to him for many reasons, including his great looks and personality.
I was also attracted to the people he ran around with. They were fun, exciting and exposed me to things I had never experienced before. Prior to meeting my partner, I lived in an extremely small town an hour outside of the big city and lived a very sheltered life. I had never drank a beer, been to a club or bar or did a lot of things most people my age were doing.
And of course the sex was great! I had never been put into so many different positions. Don't get me wrong though, although sex is physically satisfying, I've always viewed it as a very important aspect of any relationship. It allows me to connect with my partner on an entirely different level, making me feel loved and cared for.
A year after we met, we moved in with each other and soon after I obtained a great job (I have an impressive background for my age) and was able to help my partner obtain a position at the same firm, working only feet away from my office. Things were great at 1st, but as we spent more time together, our sex life began to diminish and we became extremely comfortable with one another, which I assume happens in all relationships once the puppy love wears off.
Eventually, I quit my job and opened my own business. My partner eventually quit his job and came to work for the business. The business began to consume our lives. Our days began to consist of waking up, going to work, getting off work and relaxing (in separate areas) for a few hours before bed. We didn't spend quality time together, as we were already together all the time, nor did we have sex (and it wasn't because I didn't try to, my partner was unwilling) or do anything special to make the other feel appreciated.
The business was sold during the Summer of 2013 and in the Winter of 2013 we opened a smaller business that is far less demanding and allows us to have a personal life again. With that said, nothing has changed with our relationship. We still don't spend quality time with each other (we never talk about how we feel about things going on in our lives or just get to know each other), when we're around each other it feels more like I'm with a roommate than my partner, and we have absolutely no sex (and it isn't because he doesn't have a desire as each and every night he takes a shower in the bathroom connected with our bedroom and I can hear him jacking off).
Not having sex makes me feel unloved and unattractive. I don't think we have done it more than 15 times since we have been together. We haven't had any sex this year (2015). I've discussed this aspect of our relationship with my partner several times since we've been together and still, nothing changes. I'm attractive, smart and faithful, yet even when I make an attempt, I'm turned down. The worst part is, since I've discussed the lack of sex with my partner a handful of times, the thought of having sex with him seems awkward as I feel it would only be done to pacify me.
My relationship feels more like a friendship. I've told him I'm unhappy and have even made comments which imply that I am thinking about leaving and he seems unfazed. I think he would be extremely devastated if I ever left, as I would be if he did so, but that is also what is keeping us both from acting. I know he isn't cheating on me, I think we may have ruined the relationship by spending every waking hour together for the majority of it, never being apart for more than a few hours?
Am I wrong or is having sex at least 2 or 3 times a month an reasonable expectation for a couple in their 20s? Should I accept the status of my relationship and try to make it work, even though I've discussed my feelings with partner? Is it unreasonable for me to feel disconnected when my partner doesn't want to set down and ask me about my thoughts and feelings, thus I don't attempt the same? Am I in an incompatible relationship, as he portrayed himself as a top when we initially met and I told him I was a bottom, but could be versatile, he ended up being a bottom too and doesn't seem to like to be versatile?
Should I leave him?
My name is __________ and I am 26 years old and live in the a large city in Kansas. I have been with my partner for 5 years and this November will be our 6th year together. When I met my partner I was attracted to him for many reasons, including his great looks and personality.
I was also attracted to the people he ran around with. They were fun, exciting and exposed me to things I had never experienced before. Prior to meeting my partner, I lived in an extremely small town an hour outside of the big city and lived a very sheltered life. I had never drank a beer, been to a club or bar or did a lot of things most people my age were doing.
And of course the sex was great! I had never been put into so many different positions. Don't get me wrong though, although sex is physically satisfying, I've always viewed it as a very important aspect of any relationship. It allows me to connect with my partner on an entirely different level, making me feel loved and cared for.
A year after we met, we moved in with each other and soon after I obtained a great job (I have an impressive background for my age) and was able to help my partner obtain a position at the same firm, working only feet away from my office. Things were great at 1st, but as we spent more time together, our sex life began to diminish and we became extremely comfortable with one another, which I assume happens in all relationships once the puppy love wears off.
Eventually, I quit my job and opened my own business. My partner eventually quit his job and came to work for the business. The business began to consume our lives. Our days began to consist of waking up, going to work, getting off work and relaxing (in separate areas) for a few hours before bed. We didn't spend quality time together, as we were already together all the time, nor did we have sex (and it wasn't because I didn't try to, my partner was unwilling) or do anything special to make the other feel appreciated.
The business was sold during the Summer of 2013 and in the Winter of 2013 we opened a smaller business that is far less demanding and allows us to have a personal life again. With that said, nothing has changed with our relationship. We still don't spend quality time with each other (we never talk about how we feel about things going on in our lives or just get to know each other), when we're around each other it feels more like I'm with a roommate than my partner, and we have absolutely no sex (and it isn't because he doesn't have a desire as each and every night he takes a shower in the bathroom connected with our bedroom and I can hear him jacking off).
Not having sex makes me feel unloved and unattractive. I don't think we have done it more than 15 times since we have been together. We haven't had any sex this year (2015). I've discussed this aspect of our relationship with my partner several times since we've been together and still, nothing changes. I'm attractive, smart and faithful, yet even when I make an attempt, I'm turned down. The worst part is, since I've discussed the lack of sex with my partner a handful of times, the thought of having sex with him seems awkward as I feel it would only be done to pacify me.
My relationship feels more like a friendship. I've told him I'm unhappy and have even made comments which imply that I am thinking about leaving and he seems unfazed. I think he would be extremely devastated if I ever left, as I would be if he did so, but that is also what is keeping us both from acting. I know he isn't cheating on me, I think we may have ruined the relationship by spending every waking hour together for the majority of it, never being apart for more than a few hours?
Am I wrong or is having sex at least 2 or 3 times a month an reasonable expectation for a couple in their 20s? Should I accept the status of my relationship and try to make it work, even though I've discussed my feelings with partner? Is it unreasonable for me to feel disconnected when my partner doesn't want to set down and ask me about my thoughts and feelings, thus I don't attempt the same? Am I in an incompatible relationship, as he portrayed himself as a top when we initially met and I told him I was a bottom, but could be versatile, he ended up being a bottom too and doesn't seem to like to be versatile?
Should I leave him?