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Hi, I just signed up
#21
Now I see them, you must be tired!

princealbertofb Wrote:Well, LongIslandGuy.... thanks for your reply. So who do you think you would be most likely to come out to first? Why do you think coming out would be a problem? Is it something to do with self image? Or something to do with the sort of community you live in? Or is it something to do with religion? Have you had any experience at all (therefore I guess it'll have been kept discreet) or are you still trying to find the courage to get that experience with another boy / man?

I have a couple of friends that I know are okay with gays, and who I also feel comfortable confiding in, they would be first.

I am the main reason why I have not come out yet. I know that most of my friends would be accepting or neutral about me. I have been with guys and liked it, I have had that experience. I just think about what I should be doing with my life too much. (not because of religion, just my own self-imposed standards). I tell myself that I need to meet a girl, somehow get to marriage, reproduce with her and live with her for the rest of my life even if I don't like it. I just have to, there's no other reason. I think that I'm scared of taking control of my own life.

I fall into false denial that I can make that happen. I also tell myself that I can cheat on her with guys on the side. As bad as this sounds, this has been my plan, but I haven't acted on it and I don't think I would be able to. So I just drift on; not coming out and not getting any closer to marrying a woman that I wouldn't ever love.

I also don't want to be labelled as the weird guy over there. I would also like to have kids, and I know that gay couples can have kids, but whenever I think about coming out it seems as if having kids is an option that disappears.

There is another very important reason. I have never gotten far with women sexually, and I am hesitant to rule out that I am not attracted to them. I know that I definitely like men, I definitely, definitely do. Wink But I don't know if I like women in that way. It probably should be just as obvious as my feelings towards men are. But, in this aspect I get stuck in limbo. I think I use this reason to stay in denial. I tell myself that I may all of a sudden become attracted to women.
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#22
The having children option will only disappear if your life takes on another direction... I believe that you could have children if you had the right partner (or even just to bring up on your own, if you have that sort of courage) but I still think you'd be happier being honest with yourself and with any girl that you date. Modern women don't accept being cheated on, unless they are very understanding.
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#23
princealbertofb Wrote:The having children option will only disappear if your life takes on another direction... I believe that you could have children if you had the right partner (or even just to bring up on your own, if you have that sort of courage) but I still think you'd be happier being honest with yourself and with any girl that you date. Modern women don't accept being cheated on, unless they are very understanding.

Yes, honesty would be the best way to go. I would prefer men over women most of the time, probably all of the time. I think I am struggling over the label of either gay or straight.

I know I like men, but I don't know how I feel about women.
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