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How do I show how I feel?
#1
My boyfriend has brought it to my attention that I don't show him how I feel and he's right. Emotionally I treat him like he's my own personal fuck toy, and that's awful. So I want to change this about myself but I don't know how. I'm not saying I have no emotion, I'm saying that showing that emotion is difficult for me. So much so that I genuinely don't know how. So if someone could give me some tips aside from the obvious "Just tell him how you feel" unhelpful bullshit. I don't know if this is some sort of mental condition or if I'm just a colossal twat. Either way I need help.
#2
Sounds like he may be wanting something romantic or a reassurance that he means something more than a method of sexual gratification. Do some thoughtful things, like getting him flowers, surprise gifts, bringing him lunch at work if possible, go shopping with him, do homework with him. Maybe watch a movie he wants but perhaps you don't --- and actually watch it with him and pay attention without being too touchy, then talk about it with him. Tell him how the characters connected with you, that kind of thing, etc.

Tell him and ask him how you're feeling, about your day, tell him details you might not trust to most people. Ask him such in return.

Using reflective listening might help if you're bad at relating feelings naturally (I was taught it).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reflective_listening

Spend some time together doing things you like that aren't sexually related on occasion.

More than anything you need to trust him. Showing him how you feel is scary, you're exposing yourself in a way you aren't used to. But he needs and wants that as part of the relationship.

It might be difficult -- but on the other hand, it also shows how deeply he cares for your relationship.
#3
Personalized gifts (as opposed to the "compulsory card" or gift picked up as an obligation which is more throwing money at it rather than sincere) can be good. That is, don't think utility (at least not primarily) but rather "what does this say about the person and our relationship?"

Just one example, my partner is fascinated with Ancient Greeks and she said she knew she could spend the rest of her life with me after I read a book by an Ancient Greek (translated of course) and had a deep conversation about it, and later she was deeply touched when I bought her a guide she didn't have on the Ancient Greeks with a short note of love within. This showed I remembered and cared about what she said and valued what we have, as well as caring about what she cares about (for her sake at least), which shows I love who she is as a person.


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