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How to deal with compulsive liars? Family Member
#1
Hey guys,

Yesterday's incident pushed me over the edge and every bit of information was spat at my BROTHER for being a liar for majority of his life. What happened?

For Christmas I purchased him a pair of Ray-Ban Aviator sunglasses that was $400(AUD), the same as mine which I got 2 years ago. He always tells me he wants a pair and I told him to get it (but he's very lazy, so he never ended up getting it himself). Mine has green lenses and his one has a mirror lens but same model.

Approx 7 days ago, he left his sunnies at a friends house (which he told me), also that time my sunnies were sitting on the coffee table inside our home. 2 days ago, I went outside and it was very sunny and I went back and decided to grab my sunnies, it was missing. I checked everywhere for them and I know I haven't touched them at all.

So I thought I'll ask my brother when he's home the next day. The next day arrives, my brother comes home and I ask where the sunnies were and if he has taken them: he said no and he recalls it was on the table. I agreed but all of a sudden it's missing. I called my mum (cause sometimes she comes over and cleans a bit), she also recalled it was on the table. I asked him again, he got defensive and said he didn't take them and we had a massive fight about it.

Where I am getting at with this story, is that, this is not the first time he has taken my things without permission and he has lied about not taking it. He always lies about not taking it and we always fight about it.

For example;
1 - He has taken my reading glasses more than 6 times to work without my permission and I search around the home to find it, then all of a sudden either he comes home with it or it ends up in HIS ROOM!
2 - I purchase food, have left-overs and next day it's gone. He blames me that I ate it all when he's the one that ate it
3 - On a few occasions I had to hide chocolate in my room so he wouldn't eat it (he's a big guy, so he eats his food and my food). One day, half my chocolates were gone in my room. I confronted him, he lied saying I ate it all and that night when he went out, I looked at his room bin to see all the wrappers
4 - We have 2 bathrooms, he constantly "borrows" my shampoo and toothpaste when he runs out. On multiple occasions, my products are in his shower and I take it back. I confront him about taking my stuff and to tell me he's needs it. He lied and said "it's in your bathroom now" and I had to say: "that's because I HAD TO TAKE IT FROM YOUR BATHROOM!!!!"..... but he still lies and says he never takes it....

I can continue on but this is getting too long. He's very good at lying, I mean very good and he's been doing it for so long that even if I am right he will argue until he turns blue to be right.

My mum and I tried to have an intervention 1 year ago about his lying and in that intervention, he denied he lies a lot. Also, he had a girlfriend for approx 2 years, in that 2 years, she approached me arppox 4 times regarding if he's lying about certain situations and she wanted to know....

The sunnies just pushed me over the edge this time cause all this bottled up anger, deception, lies, petty fights just all came bursting out last night.

I just don't know what to do, I even went to a psychologist 2 times last year on how to deal with him lying but it only helped a bit......
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#2
I think you have to start making plans on getting your own space / place.

The fact that you ended up in therapy because of your brother's mischievous ways is a clear sign that a major change has to happen.

Make it happen. .?
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#3
Sorry all I can think of is 400 bucks for sunglasses?

I have the same issue with my bro.
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#4
Cut him out of your life.....

I have a brother like that..he is in San Quentin (Prison) usually....been there most of his life....I haven't spoken to him in 30+ years and I expect I will die before I ever have anything to do with him again.

I even have to cut out the women and their kids who write to meet him and have a kid or two before he dumps them and steal their car and cash....they want to connect with me....uh...no thanks...

I know I probably sound harsh.....but chances are really good that he is not going to change...'

...and your angst will be full tilt boogie until you make a decision...and since you have no power to change him....

..the options become fewer...and obvious...
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#5
Beat the crap out of him every time until he tells the truth. Use a stick, or a knife, and threaten him. You don't always have to be peaceful to solve problems like this one. But if you're too sensitive or too scared, just take your stuff and move somewhere else, have your own space like others said. Good luck.
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#6
His lying isn't the problem... that you'd pay $400. For sunglasses, twice, and still live at home at your age is your biggest concerns.
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#7
He lies because you let him get away with it. In the short term, get some locks. In the near term, get your own place. Just because he is your brother is no reason to put up with this. It appears money is no issue for you to have your own place, since you spent AU$800 on 2 pair of sunnies recently. If money is the issue on moving out, it's time to grow up financially.
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#8
A. All of the above

B. In addition, when he lies or snatches your things, confront him directly just like you would a little kid.
You can give him one chance to fess up. After that tell him that you know he is lying and that that is not acceptable. Tell if the behavior continues he must move out.
I bid NO Trump!
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#9
Work on getting yourself out of where you are and into your own place. Until then, keep your things well locked. It's pretty simple.
[Image: 05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp]
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