So far we have raised 0% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
How to deal with homophobic roommates?
#1
I'll try and keep this short, anyways, I moved into this big house with a lot of people living in it back early Sept. I didn't get to check it out before hand, I just needed a place. So anyways, I moved in, a week or so into it they found out I was gay, don't remember how it came up but it wasn't something I was hiding anyways.

Since then, about two months, they have been giving me crap litterally every single day over it. If I'm texting, on the phone, or on my computer they say I am "fagging out" and when I want to wawtch The A list Dallas which, I don't think is a very good show but I'm addicted to it anywys, lol, they give me A LOT of crap for it, before the show starts they say "NO, we're not watching that gay ass shit!" and while it's on, if I happen to get to turn it on, I hear remarks the entire time about how it's just wrong to be gay, how they don't understand it (which evidently gives them the OK to hate it, because they don't understand it?) and anyways, I hear remarks every single day about me being gay and how it's wrong, nasty, etc. I can't even bring a guy over to my own place, nor do I want to when this is going on all the time! Once and a while they'll even start making remarks about gay bashing me one of these nights.

So how do you recommend I deal with it? Unfortunately I'm stuck here for another month. Should I just try and ignore it like i have been doing? Which hasn't stopped it, if anything it's increased it and truth is I've reached my limit, I don't think I can take even a few more days of it let alone another month! Should I be aggressive about it and yell back? Should I do what they do to me except in reverse, so when they give me crap for talking to a guy or watching a show they consider gay should I do that to them? When they talk about hooking up with a chick, which they ALWAYS talk about, should I tell them how i don't want to listen to that crap, etc.?

What do you recommend because it's at the point where I absolutely HATE being home and once and a while i seriously do get a bit scared when they talk about how they're going to gay bash me and the "good old days" when they should shoot "faggots" with a BB gun during a gay pride parade or when some of them use to go beat up queers on there way home from a bar, steal there stuff and sell it online. That's when I start to get a little scared and no one should have to live in a place where they don't feel safe. It's not cool.
Reply
#2
I would consider legal options. It sounds like you are being threatened and harassed sexually in your home and that must be illegal. I would say if possible, hit them with a restraining order and make them move out with it. I don't know if you can do that. Unfortunately, in California, it is illegal to record people without their knowledge. Perhaps you want to record them with their knowledge if you don't think this will cause them to attack you. You don't want to threaten their safety and what I am suggesting here may be seen as retaliation and escalate a situation you want to deescalate. Perhaps you can find another place and if you have a lease, you can surely break it with this provocation. You don't have to live where you are being threatened.
On the other hand, if they will talk that way when they know they are being recorded, you may be able to get the police to do something about it. They have a lot more lattitude with the patriot act making almost any unkind words a "terroristic threat." But the police there may be just as homophobic as you roommates.
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to deal with people and my own solutions do tend to get me in trouble. But It makes me so angry I feel I had to say something.
In the last instance, if you become suicidal and can't see anything left to live for,I would leave a note explaining all of this and kill them all first. But that is just me...
Reply
#3
maybe you can get them to say something in front of another person?

you have to GET OUT OF THERE,,, sorry.
dont say anything, just one day you and your stuff is gone. no forwarding address, no note, keep the keys, no noting. stop your mail now.
Reply
#4
pellaz Wrote:maybe you can get them to say something in front of another person?

you have to GET OUT OF THERE,,, sorry.
dont say anything, just one day you and your stuff is gone. no forwarding address, no note, keep the keys, no noting. stop your mail now.

This would have been my first choice, but you said you were stuck there, so I didn't see suggesting you GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW. But I think Pelaz has it on the mark. I said my solutions always get me in trouble. On further consideration, probably you would be better on the streets than trying to make where you are work.
Reply
#5
Yeah I was really hoping to get out of here as soon as I could but finacually that will be difficult. At least I've been gone most of the time during the weekdays so that helped but my hours are getting cut at work, which is typical, and my friends are busy with finals next week, so I find myself at home more often and it seems like they are always here, so it sucks. I'm just really glad I'm a light sleeper so if I happen to be asleep (which I rarely am anymore) and someone comes into my room it always wakes me up.

We'll see what can be done, I've explained all this to my parents, they are the only ones who could help me move out now and I could pay them back after the new year but they don't seem to think this is really an issue at all. Or that I am making it up, but I do see my therapist today and she's awesome and if she thinks this is a big problem she can communicate that with my parents as her and my mom evidently have become friends over the years even though my mom doesn't see her, weird, anyways, so we'll see how it goes.

Like last night one of the guys busts in my room while I'm trying to sleep with some chick I've seen over before and like usual they throw a few gay jokes and left. Then another roommate busts in at 3am when I was asleep, waking me up to show the girl he's with his gay roommate. Then just a few minutes ago they were talking about how they were going to bring chicks over this weekend and I said I got this guy I know and we've been wanting to hang out but he lives a couple hours away and would have to stay here and they start talking that gay hate like usual and I said, well if you guys get over night guests I get them too and one of the guys said if any "faggot" tries to stay the night over here he'll gay bash us both and bury us in the backyard. It is possible he's joking but after hearing these remarks more and more often, I still don't feel very good about it.
Reply
#6
yea you need to get out of there ASAP and maybe move to a less homophobic part of California. normally I am a nonviolent person and try to reason with people but bigots are idiots and cannot be reasoned with. actually I'm starting to wonder if its some kind of mental disability and I hate that these people are breathing my air.
Reply
#7
the day you leave, you can always butter the floor, saran wrap the toilet, hard boil all of the eggs. heres some more ideas i found online.

Vaseline On The Door Knob - Put vaseline on the inside doorknob when you leave before your roommate to prevent them from being able to turn the knob after you leave.

Cereal Box Switch - Remove the plastic bags from cereal boxes and switch them around. Your roommate will scratch their head wondering why Frosted Flakes came out of a box of Cheerios.

Hard Boiled Eggs - Boil some eggs and begin eating them. Then ask your roommate if he/she wants one. If they say yes, give them an unboiled egg. Then watch as they crack it open.

TP The Room - Toilet Paper his/her room.


Musical Rug - Take that small electronic chip out of a musical greeting card and place it underneath a rug/carpet, so whenever your roommate walks on it, music will play.

TV Sensor - Use a small piece of black tape to block the cable/tv sensor so when your rooommate decides to watch TV next, he/she can't change the channel or adjust the volume.

Book Pranks - Tear out the last 2 pages of the current book your roommate is reading. Then leave a note in the pages place. Send your victim on a scavenger hunt to find the pages.

Shampoo Bottle - Glue their shampoo bottle shut so they can't open it.

Ping Pong Balls - Put a bunch of ping pong balls in an open box and tilt it at an angle against a closet door or cabinet from the inside, so when your roommate opens the door the ping pong balls will all spill out.

Strange Panties - Whenever you know that your roomate's girlfriend/boyfriend is coming over, put some sexy underwear (of the opposite sex) in their bed.

Food Coloring - Put some food coloring inside their hand soap dispenser. When they try to wash his hands, they will end up messier than before they decided to wash them.

Heavy Box - While moving either in or out of your dorm room, tape an empty box up and write 'HEAVY' on it (or something like '150 lbs') to try and convince your victim its heavy. Then carry it across the room and act as if it weighs a ton. Then ask your roommate to give you a hand. Struggle a bit to hand it over, ask him repeatidly if he has it, if its ok, etc...then just drop it in his hands. He will more than likely try to over compensate, thinking it really was heavy.

Sink Hose - Put a rubberband around the pull out hose in your sink. When your rooommate uses the sink, they will get hosed with water.

Inches - Everyday move your roommates stuff an inch away. In a about 2 weeks, his furniture will be almost out the door and he wouldn't even notice or give much thought.

Cable TV - When your victim gets up from the couch to go to the bathroom or kitchen, get the remote and change the channel to a static only channel. When he/she returns they will think the cable went out.

Salty Toothpaste - Sprinkle some salt on your roommate's toothbrush. When he/shes person goes to brush their teeth, they will get a salty tasted treat.

CD Switch - Insert a CD they would hate into their favorite CD case.

Lottery Ticket Swap - Buy your roommate a lottery ticket today, and tomorrow go out early and buy another ticket with the exact same numbers as the winning ticket from yesterday. When your roommate isn't paying attention swap the newer ticket for the the old one. When your roommate looks in the paper for the winning numbers, he/she won't even realize the date is wrong on the ticket and will believe it is a winning ticket.

Cellophane Toilet Bowl - This one is a classic. Place clear cellophane over the toilet bowl, but under the seat. This works best if your roommate is drunk so they won't notice.

Hide The Dump - Take a dump into a small cup and place it in the most hard-to-find place in the room. They will then tear their room apart looking for the smell.

Shoe Laces - Get your roommate's shoes and glue the laces together.

Deodorant - Scrape off about an inch or so of your roommate's deodorant and replace it with cream cheese. Next time they use it, they will get a cream cheese surprise.

Newspapers - Fill their room with crumpled up newspaper.

Baby Powder On The Ceiling Fan - Pour some baby powder on the top side of a ceiling fan. When your victim turns it on, there will be baby popwder everywhere!

Soap Prank - Coat your rooommate's bar of soap with clear nail polish and let it dry. When they try to use it, they will go nuts trying to get it to lather up.

but seriously, i would leave. its not healthy to live stressed out like that every day.
Reply
#8
Hamsandwizh What is your obligation on rent? Can you get a storage place for your stuff and store it 1-3 months? If so start moving your stuff out now.

If you haven't paid rent, don't. Get a room, go to salvation army, or maybe someone on here in the greater LA area can get you hooked up with a couch.

If you have any place to stay - go there. Its time to move - it was time to move the first time they made a threat.

Police will NOT get involved in domestic violence threats. Even 'hate' messages are not top priority for the police in a roommate situation. And getting the cops involved will spark physical violence probably as soon as the police leave.

Homephobes rarely attack alone, they go around in packs, the more of them there are, the more likely they are to carry through with their threats.

I will send a PM to one guy I know in the general area, see if he knows of any place you can go to temporarily so you have a safe place to sleep, shower, whatever.

You need to get out, and now. This is a dangerous situation, and all it would take is just one of them having a bad day or one too many beers or something for you to become a statistic. Get out - NOW.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

[Image: 57929.jpg?v=1]
[/SIZE]
Reply
#9
Get out of this situation as fast as possible. You can try police or lawyers, but in the end it will only be more headaches. Do you really want a long term scenario with these people?

Kenny Rogers said it best.

"Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run."
Reply
#10
Get out of this situation as fast as possible. You can try police or lawyers, but in the end it will only be more headaches. Do you really want a long term scenario with these people?

Kenny Rogers said it best.
[COLOR="Blue"]
"Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run............the best that we can hope for is to die in our sleep."
[/COLOR]
Reply


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  How Do You Deal With Homophobia? InbetweenDreams 18 903 06-09-2020, 09:36 PM
Last Post: InbetweenDreams
  How do you deal with anxiety? artyboy 62 1,875 10-16-2016, 03:38 AM
Last Post: artyboy
  How to deal with my narcissistic partner of 17 years Shmgent 4 1,086 08-20-2016, 06:41 PM
Last Post: Beaux
  How to deal with compulsive liars? Family Member hasher22 8 728 01-20-2016, 06:20 PM
Last Post: Insertnamehere
  How do you deal with homophobic neighbors? rado84 2 859 07-21-2015, 01:08 AM
Last Post: xfrostx

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)