I am not good at flirting.

[Rumble88]

Hi guys. Been a while since i posted something. Okay here's the thing. I am going to LGBT meetings for few weeks and i don't want to be alone anymore. And by alone i mean i want somebody to.. hold on to. In the meetings i am really friendly but thats the problem i guess. I smile to everybody, make them laugh and join the conversations and they smile back at me. There are some cute guys and i catch them looking at me sometimes and they immediately look at somewhere else. I know it means nothing but.. i don't know. I am not flirty at all. I don't know what to do. Maybe i can get their phone numbers. But i can't ask them out. And im kinda sure none of them would ask me either. Any advice?

[Counselor]

If it was me, I would get to know the group first. Learn about them, see who I click with, and make friends.

[Beau]

Having wasted many years of wondering "What if?" I say pick one you like and ask him out. You already know he's gay. Try something friendly like asking him if he wants to get lunch later or go see a movie. I remember my hormones were raging at your age, but just remember that dates don't have to equal sex. The sex will come later. Focus the date on talking and finding compatibility. Even if you have nothing to say just being together you will learn a lot.

Also don't feel bad if the first guy you ask says no. I bet he's just as nervous as you are. (Why is dating so hard?) Think of asking a guy out as practice. He says no, you will feel rejected. That's normal. Just take a few days to cool and ask the next guy out. Remember, the first time is the hardest. It WILL get easier.

On a side note, I wish my high school had LGBT meetings. I wouldn't have been under so much pressure to stay in the closet had I known there were others like me. I swear it was high school that warped me. Now I've got to make up for lost time.

[Pix]

Share yourself. By that I mean comment on something present, an experience you're sharing, and then say how it reminds you of something in your own life, like your hospital job or a hobby. Do not be mean (that is saying something bad about someone else) or unethical (for example, giving out private info from a hospital) as that will drive the good people away who will not trust you with sharing themselves once they see you're contemptuous of others and/or free with private info. If they stay quiet and you've run out of things to say you can ask them where they're from UNLESS they look uncomfortable (like continually looking away and just making polite noises at best) in which case decide what you're going to do next and casually say you're off to do it and leave it to them to approach you in the future.

Do not bother someone who is reading or otherwise trying to tune the world out.

Be nice, help people. But do NOT think that because you helped them or gave them something that they therefore owe you (and at the same time if they fail to see it as a gift and decide to take advantage of you then cut them out of your life). That is, show yourself worth knowing. Many respond well to it. But don't overdo it as some people can take offense if you actually treat them like a child. Just keep it casual and friendly.

[Counselor]

Hey Pix, what are "polite noises"? I'm pretty sure I know what the opposites are, but would you give an example?

Edit: do you mean like someone just hums an agreement, raises their eyebrows, nods a little, and sips their punch while looking worried?

[SolemnBoy]

Haha, I'm pretty sure I'll never flirt in my life: too awkward.

As for you, I think it would be a better idea to get to know everyone first. If you just start flirting with a guy because he's cute and you barely know him, I doubt it'll lead to anything good. I understand that you want a boyfriend but you should wait until you actually feel something for another person and not just find one to escape loneliness. I'm sure the other person wouldn't feel too good if he discovered he was chosen as an anti-loneliness hugging tool

[Pix]

Hey Pix, what are "polite noises"? I'm pretty sure I know what the opposites are, but would you give an example?

Edit: do you mean like someone just hums an agreement, raises their eyebrows, nods a little, and sips their punch while looking worried?

Those could work, but mainly I mean like one word answers that are just meant to keep things from getting too awkward but at the same time don't show much interest. Basically the same kind of stuff when a relative you barely know starts talking and asking a lot of questions and you want to be polite but at the same time you can't wait for it to be over (or at least don't trust enough to truly open up and share) or even think you'll probably never see again anyway.

[jimbopdxus]

I don't know, but I find the sexiest guys are the ones that are not flirting. They become friends and then the benefits show up. Those are the ones that last for decades.

[Rumble88]

Somebody posted something about being ''too good'' to be in a relationship and now im starting to feel like that too! i mean in my school everybody tells me im too good and i am really friendly and they tell me ''i am like a cartoon character''. i am laughing at every silly joke they make, smile everytime to comfort them and make them feel good. But who the hell wants to date with a cartoon character for gods sake. i don't want to be friendzoned!

[MisterTinkles]

Hi guys. Been a while since i posted something. Okay here's the thing. I am going to LGBT meetings for few weeks and i don't want to be alone anymore. And by alone i mean i want somebody to.. hold on to. In the meetings i am really friendly but thats the problem i guess. I smile to everybody, make them laugh and join the conversations and they smile back at me. There are some cute guys and i catch them looking at me sometimes and they immediately look at somewhere else. I know it means nothing but.. i don't know. I am not flirty at all. I don't know what to do. Maybe i can get their phone numbers. But i can't ask them out. And im kinda sure none of them would ask me either. Any advice?

Unfortunately this is one area I have no personal advice on (believe it or not)...but I DO know what you are talking about. I too, am no flirt. But its weird, I find myself kind of flirting with people I know who would never be interested in a million years, but for anyone interested in me...I also tend to look the other way when they look at me.

But as Ive stated in other posts, when I find someone looking at me, I find it unbelievable.
First thought in my mind is, what stain do I have on my shirt NOW?! Or, whats wrong with my hair?!

Ive even been out with friends before and one of them will grab me and say "that guy over there is looking at you", and I will turn, and the person in question will be facing the other direction. So, its not something I will ever tend to believe....that someone is consciencely looking at ME, and not something behind me, on me, or stuck to me, or something stupid I did or said. I've always held to the fact, that if someone DOES think of me in "that" way, they are entirely free to come over and say "hi" or something. If not, its just all conincedences.