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I think I'm giving up

It's my birthday tonight and as always I feel blue during that time of the year.
Just until recently my life was pretty great, I had a great job, a nice apartment and a basically a new life in a city I've always wanted to live. However, it all broke into pieces once my mental problems started acting up.

I have bipolar disorder since I was 18 and I've always believed I knew how to manage it well, yet this last manic(then depressive episode) was so tough that I am not even sure if I recovered fully from it. Because of that I lost my job, had to move back to my parents house and right now I am facing a great amount of fear and doubt when it comes to what I'm gonna do next. Like, I am applying for jobs but whenever they call me for an interview I bail because deep down I think that even if I get the job that would be short-winded and I'll go through all of it again.

Besides, I've always wanted to move abroad but having this damn illness is just so messed up, it makes everything hard and nearly impossible.

I don't think I have strength to do it all over and over and over again. I just want some stability and routine.

Well, that's it. I don't expect you to give me a magical solution to my problem nor to fix it, but I just want to let it out.
Next time you get called to an interview, go for it!

Maybe this time, you'll cope with whatever turns your illness takes and make it through.
You know; "it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep going".
You got hit pretty bad, don't let that knock you out. There's fight left in you.
Gay by nature. Proud by choice.
Are you going to therapy for your bpd? If not, this will help you recover fully from your last round of episodes, and very well -could- help you learn even more effective tools to deal with them in the future. That could lead you to finding the freedom you seek.
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
Thanks guys.

Yes, I am taking meds and also have a therapist.
I'm really getting worried because it never lasted this long and by now things should be back to normal.
Bottom line. You were happy before so you know you can be happy again.

You gotta get back to basics man.

Do you have a hobby. If so take advantage of your unemployment and lavish time on it.

Try getting a new haircut, working out a little or maybe get some new clothes. Nothing fancy just invest some time in your appearance.

Basically you need to raise your mood.
In life just like in poker it's not the hand you're delt it's the way that you play it.
It'd be easy to think that because you have to make so many new starts, that it gets easier. But if anything it gets harder - I know I've not got bpd, but I've had to make a few new starts to say the least. However, people around me have always been supportive and have kept me going with encouragment. I hope you get this support too but please always feel free to share your feelings here and to get support from the members here.

With the interview thing it sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail - you're going to have to take the plunge (easier said than done I know). Once you have work, whether it's 5 months or 5 years, it's still a chance to meet new people and experience new things. It's the staying at home thinking things over that makes things worse.

I sincerely wish you the best in recovering from this latest attack and like I say please share your feelings here whenever you need to vent, get some support or chat to someone. Keep going Smile
Thanks man :-)

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