Discovered porn pics from my boyfriend and his ex

[Baslero]

Well, the title says it all...
Using my boyfriends computer I discovered pics of him and his ex having sex. It would have been just a funny anecdote hadn't it been for the fact that he was bottoming..., we've been together for one year now and I couldn't have him bottom for me, I've just gave up asking and begging for it..., T
hat was quite disturbing and upsetting, and I feel very frustrated and rejected..., and of course I can't help comparing me with his ex..., as a amatter of fact I'm quite obsessed about it...

[IanSaysHi]

I think the best option is honesty. Tell him what you've discovered and find out more about the situation. Were they photos of just one time? Maybe they took the photos as they were trying a role/reversal that time? Maybe he didn't enjoy it with his ex so doesn't want to try it again? Also maybe don't go down the begging/interrogation/upset questioning route. There's a reason the other guy is an ex. Be calm and maybe put it to him in a more positive way ("I'd really like to try doing the same with you"). Don't beg/whinge because in my experience if a guy is going to top they need to be a bit more... Confident/assertive. It's sexy. Well, my personal taste anyway.

[Darius]

Before we can give you our honest opinions, we will need to see the pics.

So....did you jack off to the pics?

[Jason111]

Hahaha I just love Darius

[LJay]

I think Ian may have a good point. Maybe your boyfriend decided when he started going with you that it would be a good time to stop bottoming because he doesn't like it. You need to talk to him. Keeping stuff like this under the table makes for a lot of tension.

[TwisttheLeaf]

As others have said, you -need- to talk to him about it. And not in an accusatory, "I'm a victim" tone of "you won't do this for me but you did it for him", either.

That tone? It will mean the discussion goes to shit fast.

At the same time? NOT talking to him about it while you sit and obsess and feel resentful? That's going to cause your relationship some issues. So you really do -need- to talk to him about it.

[knickerbuck]

never mind his ex .. just remember all the good times you had with your bf and forgive him; if you still want him in your life, it's the only way to make him stay.

[Baslero]

Thank you guys for your comments..., they were really helpful...
From the beginning of our relationship, roles in the couple were clearly defined, he was in need of help and I was the helping one. That situation was supposedly temporary until he recovered from his back surgery. Now, one year after, his health has imported but those roles have settled definitely. I keep cooking, driving, shopping and cleaning. Call me simple or even primitively, but I could be perfectly coping with that if our sex life was satisfactory, but here again the temporary seems to be getting definitive. Painkillers and antidepressants killed his libido too. It was very hard for me, I was madly in love and strongly attracted to him, being beside him without being able to touch him was a real torture. But I accepted it hoping for the better days ahead us...he even told me about the phantasies (phantasmes in French ) of bottoming for me. But recovery in his health didn't improved his libido, so I started to take it personally. I seemed to be the one failing. So I started to feel depressive and sad, or suffering "crisis " as he call them. He tried to reassure me telling me he loved me and finds me attractive and sexy, and tha he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...and that those "crisis" are endangering our relationship. But nice words are easy to say, but I need facts..., and I don't see any..., and he doesn't talks about his "phantasmes" of bottoming for me. I found he has 2 dildos ( one of them is really huge...) and pics of him bottoming with his ex... That was really shocking for me. Obviously those phantasies have been there for a while, but I'm not included on them anymore...
2 days ago I stayed awaken the whole night and decided I had to talk to him. Finally. After work, tired of an sleepless night, I drove to his place ready to face this important conversation..., just to find he was having a nap after an exhausting day at work. When he woke up he was starving, so what did I do? I cooked dinner..., this mornings drove him to work and after cleaned his place..., you'd call me stupid..., I call it commitment...I just want him to feel ok.... But I want to be OK myself too...
So how should I face that conversation? I don want to victimise because I'm an adult after all, and perfectly responsible of my acts..., nobody forced me to cook, or to clean..., but I want him to realise I have my needs too..., and I want to have a healthy sexual life within our couple, but I don't want to look like a desperate pervert.... , I want it to be a constructive conversation but I'm really afraid...
Ps, another detail about me, I'm not a " fundamentalist top". I tried one of his dildos ( the small one) . I can't say I enjoyed it but I managed to feel comfortable with it inside , and I only bled a bit, so That gave me the courage to offer him my cherry ( if you don't count the dildo, of course), and this time things were different because my bf is huge, but anyway it was symbolic..., which brings a question to my mind..., for you bottom guys..., do you feel sexy and masculine a guy how has been cleaning and cooking for you? I mean, do you feel like bottoming for a guy who has been cleaning and cooking for you? Sorry if the question makes you feel uncomfortable..., I guess I'm still thinking what did I do wrong...��