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Is there a way to 'beat' loneliness?
#1
I kind of go through these phases where I am on top of the world and then seem to jump off the cliff (unintentionally) into this dark void of loneliness. I guess its normal to feel this way sometimes, but its sort of why I joined this site originally. I think I feel like I just don't have the people to talk to. Yes, I am engaged to a great guy, but I feel like when I talk to him about this he doesn't know exactly what to do. I feel like making friends and talking to people is his bread and butter, so I think I get jealous of him and that's why whatever he tries just doesnt help to make me feel better.

Does anyone know how I could climb out semi-permanently?
#2
For me, a handful of friends is enough, and even if I don't talk to them but once a month or so, that's fine. I can't say I've ever felt lonely. Sure I've spent much of my life alone, but never felt sad or depressed because I was alone.

Maybe that's because I learned young that in the end, I only have myself to rely on for anything, and that includes company. As I was taught young, all you really need in life is a good bed and a good meal, anything else is a bonus. That includes a partner, friends, and such for me. Sure they are great to have, but I'm not lonely just because I'm alone.

I have my hobbies and animals, things I like to do to keep myself occupied and, for me being alone means I can do things my way in my own time and not have to answer to anyone, or wait on anyone when I'm out doing things. I enjoy it.
#3
bhrc Wrote:I kind of go through these phases where I am on top of the world and then seem to jump off the cliff (unintentionally) into this dark void of loneliness. I guess its normal to feel this way sometimes, but its sort of why I joined this site originally. I think I feel like I just don't have the people to talk to. Yes, I am engaged to a great guy, but I feel like when I talk to him about this he doesn't know exactly what to do. I feel like making friends and talking to people is his bread and butter, so I think I get jealous of him and that's why whatever he tries just doesnt help to make me feel better.

Does anyone know how I could climb out semi-permanently?

My feedback would be to challenge you to think of how your focus on a relationship or someone else is an effective method of diverting attention to your own self. If you suffer from a depression with cyclical episodes, that suffering will endure despite relationships or anything else circumstantial, depending on the nature of the ailment. The balance between biologically and situation-based depression can be very tricky and rob one of so much precious time. I hope you find your way to relief for YOU so any relationships can be assured of well being as well. I hope you won't take offense to my confrontation and gather from it only what might be helpful in my sincere attempt. Remybussi
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#4
I think Blue said some very important things....
Many people have never learned to be alone for a while.... they feel very fast lonely if there is not a bunch of people around or a party at the next door. But if you ask if the have friends, they have... mostly a lot.... then I just can say: Maybe the wrong friends....

I´m alone the most time.... and I really like it. I have my man, my ( really few ) friends... I have my animals... I have some nice neighbours... and I have a phone and a internet Wink thats enough ... sometimes to much. But I´m alone 12 from 14 days....
So..whats to advice.... learn to be alone... just with yourself. Find out your own hobbies, what YOU like... do what you want to do. Stop thinking "I´m lonely"... think "I´m today alone..but not lonely"
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
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#5
bhrc, I think this feeling may be deep rooted in how you lived before, in your youth... there must be a long history there... It could also be that you are prone to depression but have never noticed it was so. What do you reckon? Plus, how recent is your pledge to your boyfriend / partner? Is it so recent that you haven't yet learnt to unhinge from an old mood swing?
#6
princealbertofb Wrote:bhrc, I think this feeling may be deep rooted in how you lived before, in your youth... there must be a long history there... It could also be that you are prone to depression but have never noticed it was so. What do you reckon? Plus, how recent is your pledge to your boyfriend / partner? Is it so recent that you haven't yet learnt to unhinge from an old mood swing?

I guess the thing is is that I've always been a loner of sorts, I've always been on my own for the most part. Only child, no cousins, no kids on the stree I grew up on... So I've just kind of always been envious of others and their apparent ability to make friends easily. I guess in just at the point in my life where I was wanting to change my social destiny, that's all.

Thanks for the comments guys. Im not entirely sure they were exactly helpful, but it means something that people at least want to talk to me.
#7
We're trying, but it doesn't mean we've got the magic potion that'll cure your needs... Bighug, even if chocolate helps...


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