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Might be gay and I'm really scared
#21
Matt441 Wrote:Hi,

I'm new to the forum, I've been struggling with what my sexuality is for about 13 years now. I think it's possible that I could be gay but I'm not completely sure. The possibility of being gay really scares me and i would be very disappointed if it turned out to be the case. Let me be clear I fully support all gay rights it's just that I never wanted that life for me. My plan would be to never act on my feelings and live my life alone, I'm not sure if it's the best idea, but it's the only one I've got. If anyone has any thoughts I'd really appreciate your comments.

Cry

Aside from being unsure if your gay or not, these are the EXACT same ideas and decision I made to myself 12 years ago. I knew I was gay, but was afraid of what It would mean if I let people know. I even decided on the same plan.

Fast forward to Mid 2011. I was in a bad place. I was always depressed, and smoked Cigarettes and weed, and had been experimenting with other substances. This is where you end up if you deny yourself even a chance at Love. Living alone just gets harder and harder if you desire to be loved by another person. Keeping up a Facade to keep people from finding out is worse, because over time, you will realise your relationships to even close friends is tainted by the lie. I'll admit, right before I Came Out, I could easily see myself doing something irreversible to myself in the next few years if I continued in the same fashion.

I'm not saying that you'll follow the same path, or that you might already be on it, but you need to figure out if you want to ruin your chance at happiness or put yourself out there and find someone you can love, and who will love you in return.

In six months, I've come so far. I haven't been this happy in so long, that I can't even remember when I was this happy. I've quit smoking.. except the rare J from time to time and am looking forward to the future for the first time in years.

Your situation might be different. You might have family or friends who would not react well to you if you turned out to be gay. I'd like to say that if they don't accept you then you need to find better friends and all that, but sometimes it isn't that easy. It's scary to let go of what is familiar, but I sincerely think that to never act on your feelings and live your life alone will end in nothing but misery.
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#22
well put byonexus.
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#23
You're insulting a rather large minority with your post. Like any of us wanted this for our lives? Some maybe did, but they're probably masochistic to begin with. No one asked for the stigma, the hostility, the hatred, the religious bigotry, the political bigotry, or the bullying, but some of us learned to not give six flying sh*ts about what everyone thinks. I live for myself, not the droves of gormless swine around me.
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#24
man please... 13 years of self repression?? enough is enough! liberate your self, you don't have to be shouting to the world you're gay or act queerly. Just please be fair with yourself and accept it!

A life of repression and loneliness is no good for anybody! you seem to be a nice person so don't think thatbeing gayis gonna change that... justdo baby steps. This first is ok to talkabour it. But now talk about it with someone thatreally know you, some one that has open mind and see what she or he says(: enjoy life dude!!
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#25
I think you've gotten a lot of really good advice. but I almost see you trying to become comfortable with it. Joining this forum to ask us for advice is a pretty big step in becoming comfortable. don't slow down. if you find out you're gay don't close up. life's too short to be closed and alone. and when i was in a phase like that it really got me depressed. and like any anti-depressant commercial will tell you, depression hurts.

I recommend watching the movie SHELTER. it's a movie about a kid (i say early 20's) who lived pretty closed and life threw him a curve ball. it gave me some confidence in who i am, maybe it'll do the same for you. you can message me if you're having trouble finding it. or if you want to talk about what your going through.

hang in there, sexuality is a part of who you are but its not the only thing that makes you who you are.
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#26
Boy I sure hope you don't choose the path you're deciding to choose. I see you have three choices.

Choice One: Live a fake life, not truly be able to experience love, get married to a woman, with whom you'll be living a lie with for the rest of your life, do you really want that?

Choice Two: Accept yourself for who you are, and you truly belief you are, live a life of happiness (not going to happy easy) and fulfill your greatest desires.

Choice Three: Go down the path you set yourself up for, for that path will mean being lonely for the rest of your life, despair, and probably a lot more psychological issues to follow.
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