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My bf is mad at me for I stopped by to their house unannounced?
#1
[SIZE="2"][COLOR="Black"]Okay so here is the story. On thanksgiving, I sent him messages then he replied. Then he stopped replying. I asked him if I could come over to their house to hang out with him. He never replied. Then I called him, he wasn't answering my calls. I decided to go to their house. Outside, I tried calling him again but he never answered even though I was hearing his ring tone outside. He was even singing as he was ignoring it. Then I went up to his door and showed up.

He said, why you stopping by here without saying anything. And the argument starts. I admit that I was wrong but then at least I tried to text and call him before me showing up. I know I should've told him through text that I was coming over. I know it was rude, but at least I know I tried to talk to him. I apologized a lot of times and I said I wouldn't do it again, but then he didn't want to forgive me. I do not know what to do now. I need some help please. Thanks.[/COLOR]
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#2
Spontaneity, is a beautiful thing, and also is precisely what makes 'Pretty Woman' a gaddamn GREAT film. You know where he shows up in the limo and climbs her stairs (although he is afraid of heights) and presents her with roses and an entirely new future. Now, I gave you this sappy start to say,without surprises would life be fun, and interesting... something to hope for.

Presently, your post is unanswered because you have left out pertinent information that will advise you fully. We cannot operate on biased information (well, I can). I have some questions:

What kind of ground rules have you two set in this relationship?
Have you agreed to be a discrete/invisible lover?
Why are you not at his Thanksgiving dinner table?
In the essence of my entire line of questioning is, what kind of relationship is this?

But, back to your initial question, which brought you here with this ambiguous post. If it was me that was texting ANYONE, I shared myself with and, they ignored me entirely, and they are in perfect health/form, when I see them again, I would not utter a single word--not then (when I see him) or ever after. If you do not understand what I am saying, here is a more simple statement; I would dump his ass like the garbage he is. One should not tolerate being treated like a tool--only used when needed. It is degrading to you and your self-esteem. But, disregard this (in your instance), for this should only be executed in a situation where, ALL the variables, are known and one did not invite anyone to shit on them.

Get back to us with all the variables, and we'll see if we can assist/advise you better.
#3
Well, since he was continuously ignoring your texts and calls, then maybe he just chose that particular something to be the reason for him to break up with you. :// But then...think about what else may have caused him to make this decision. And try to give him some time and...then apologize again. But I don't think that you should raise your hopes too much. ;[ ;[
PENNYWISE LIVES
#4
My 2 cents.

You have apologized. Now take a break from your boyfriend. Let your boyfriend cools his head off and if he still loves you, he will get back to you.

Don't push him by trying to text or call him everyday - trying to talk apologize etc. It will only annoy him with you more.
#5
If he didn't reply to your messages and calls maybe there was a good reason? Whatever, he did not reply and you were concerned enough to make the journey in person. If he thought enough about you he would have found some way to explain and put your fears to rest before you showed up on his doorstep.
#6
We could be dealing with a really closeted case and maybe the intrusion that was not planned felt too close for comfort to the boyfriend, especially if you haven't been to his house before and his parents and siblings don't know you or even anything about you. That's my guess, but Aaycles says it right, we need more information on the kind of rules you've set together, if any. People don't respond well to house call surprises anymore. I know I don't, except that, for my boyfriend, it ought not to be a problem. That's why I'm not sure what your boyfriend was trying to tell you or not tell you by not answering. It could be that he's a selfish bastard, or it could mean that he didn't want you to come round that day, which doesn't sound very nice, but there could be a good reason for it. I think he needs to explain but I wouldn't push him too hard for it. He may realise later that he made a mistake in judgement about not answering your calls when you were entitled, as his boyfriend, to an explanation or a message of "please don't come around today."
#7
I'd have to agree that there isn't really enough information to get where your bf is coming from. Yet, I still feel his treatment of you is a bit out of line and rude.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
#8
Aaycle Wrote:Spontaneity, is a beautiful thing, and also is precisely what makes 'Pretty Woman' a gaddamn GREAT film. You know where he shows up in the limo and climbs her stairs (although he is afraid of heights) and presents her with roses and an entirely new future. Now, I gave you this sappy start to say,without surprises would life be fun, and interesting... something to hope for.

Presently, your post is unanswered because you have left out pertinent information that will advise you fully. We cannot operate on biased information (well, I can). I have some questions:

What kind of ground rules have you two set in this relationship?
Have you agreed to be a discrete/invisible lover?
Why are you not at his Thanksgiving dinner table?
In the essence of my entire line of questioning is, what kind of relationship is this?

But, back to your initial question, which brought you here with this ambiguous post. If it was me that was texting ANYONE, I shared myself with and, they ignored me entirely, and they are in perfect health/form, when I see them again, I would not utter a single word--not then (when I see him) or ever after. If you do not understand what I am saying, here is a more simple statement; I would dump his ass like the garbage he is. One should not tolerate being treated like a tool--only used when needed. It is degrading to you and your self-esteem. But, disregard this (in your instance), for this should only be executed in a situation where, ALL the variables, are known and one did not invite anyone to shit on them.

Get back to us with all the variables, and we'll see if we can assist/advise you better.

Okay. I will tell you our story. I'll try not to be biased and play the victim here. God knows I want to settle our differences and start anew again. Anyway, we've been together for just 2 months. Like any other new couple, everything was fine at first. But he's the busy guy. He got different things he does everyday, seven days a week. I try to be really understanding even though we could only hang out once in every two weeks. I sometimes complained or according to him, "drama" because every time we swap messages, he would only response very little and very uninterested. And he is the type of person who doesn't want to see me unless I ask him first.

This is a discreet relationship. He doesn't want anyone know about him and us. I think it is because he is a professional? I am not sure. He lives with his roommate. Yet his roommate barely goes home, and whenever he's out then we could hang out (and that is if he tells me he's out or not, that's why I usually ask him). Anyway, whenever I leave his house, I would normally want to kiss him goodbye, but as long as the door opens (even if everyone's sleeping or the outside is dark), he doesn't want to kiss me. He's that very dl.

I'm the submissive guy. I'm the caring person. I honestly can tell you that I want some affection & attention. It makes me sad whenever he texts me like I'm just a stranger. No sweetness, no caring thoughts, nothing. Maybe I'm asking too much or something. I got that. Or maybe you guys tell me that its just 2 months or something. But I don't know if I'm right but how could we build a true relationship if he treats me like a friend? I do not know. Correct me if I'm wrong. I want some honest answers.

I have flaws. I ask him if he could text me whenever he gets home. That would at least be his only text throughout the day. I know deep inside, maybe its wrong to ask him that, but for me, that will tell me if he at least cares or thinks about me. And whenever I ask something like that, he would tell me that I'm causing drama. Maybe he is right. What do you think?

Remember, we only see each other once in every two weeks to think that he is only half-a-mile away from me. And oh, his family and relatives are in the mainland. We are here in Hawaii. Anyway, I'm not asking him to hang out everyday because I know that's impossible. I just want him to at least give me some time. I believe when he asks me to be his boyfriend, I assume that he can work out his schedules. We only went out to watch movie one time. We never went malling together.

Sometimes it scares me to talk because I feel like if I say something, he gets it in a different way. Maybe its how I use words, but deep inside, I don't mean anything to harm or start some issue. I am the type of guy who doesn't want problems. I mean see here I am trying to ask for help to resolve this issue.

So, yeah, last Thanksgiving. I wasn't at his Thanksgiving table because I was with family in the morning/afternoon. Before that, in the morning, he texted and greeted me Happy Thanksgiving. I replied and said, "Happy Thanksgiving and I'm thankful to have you in my life." His response was, "That's too soon to say yeah?"... and I was like Huh? I was like "I'm just appreciating you. It's Thanksgiving, you know?" And he replied, "Ok." What the??

When I was with my family, I texted him asking how his day so far was. He replied. We swapped messages and he stopped. When I got home, I texted him if his roommate was there and if I could come over. He didn't answer. So, I decided to go to this house. I parked my car. I called him again. No answer. I went off my car and stood by their house downstairs (he lives in an upstairs apartment). I called him, no answer. I could hear the ring tone downstairs and he was singing. So I tip-toed going upstairs by his door and he saw me. Then you know the story. Again, I admit I was wrong to come over unannounced.

Then I saw him he logged off his email and turned off his computer monitor.

He said, that creeped him out. That I shouldn't have done that. True. I apologized. He barely talked to me. Silence in the air. You know the feeling like as if he caught me cheating on him? Which I know I didn't? Then he mentioned about 4 long text messages he thinks I sent him last week about me saying..."Do you understand???" as if I bursted into anger. Honest to God, I DO NOT KNOW OR RECALL what he was saying. I asked him MILLIONS OF TIMES if he could just tell me what it was but he wanted me to remember what it was. Up until know, I still do not know. I have this friend, much like a sister. I usually tell her what's up about us. If something like that happened, for sure, I'd told her about it. And she said nothing.

To ease the tension, I asked him if he wanted my massage. I usually give him massage because he likes it. So I gave him massage. Catered him, giving him some blanket and pillow. After that, he went to sleep so I left. Next day, Friday. I told my friend about it and she said, try text him this message. I didn't know what to do, so I followed her.

This was the text message: "I been thinking about what you said about them 4 long text messages. let me tell u its no way it was me. im not that type of person who sends long message unless if i have to coz that person is too busy to talk to me. do me a favor get that info right. i no like people gettin upset with me for somethin i didnt do. i wasnt sneaking up on u last nite even if it looks like i was. i apologize if u got offended and if it was rude. but if u cud let me explain to u that i was textin&callin u and i could hear the ringtone downstairs but u was just singin&ignorin it and i dont get that explain that to me? u said u no like drama right? thats gud i respect that so lets cut the chase and tell me what is this we're doin? i remember u tell me that ur not up for games. so what am i to u? and what do u think this is?

I kind of deleted his response. But I remember he was saying that it's seems like he's making this up and he thinks he's not. And he still can't move on about me going there unannounced which I've already said sorry a lot of times. He cussed. He said why I blamed him. My reply: I don't understand y u cant tell me whats making u upset ryt now because like i said i dont recall sending u anything. the least u cud do is to make it easier for the both of us & just tell me what is it thats makin u so upset. i neva blamed on any1 nor even told u that ur makin this up. but if u cud please help me out & tell me whats exactly there is to know. thank u & have a blessed day.

His response, yeah in all caps: HEY, U DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT COMING TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE UNANNOUNCED, STANDING OUTSIDE WATCHING YOU IS CREEPY & RUDE?

My reply, yeah in lower case: I wasn't even standing outside watching you. I was downstairs tried to call u but u didnt answer so i went up to ur door. and ok i got that part and i said i was sorry for it. i was talking about the text message & not the door part.

He never replied ever since. I'm sorry if this is too long already. I believe that I've answered your questions. I know I did something wrong. Please be true to your answers. Please tell me what I need to work on, what are his mistakes, what should I do, what should we do, if there's still future for us, or this won't work out anymore. Of course, I still want to make this work. I still want to make up. If there's still a way, I would love to do that. Thanks everyone for response. Looking forward for some help. =)
#9
Ok that clears the picture a bit... He's really dl, and if you're going to date such a guy you'll either have to respect that need for privacy or have to change for a boyfriend who can be bothered to love you back as you need and deserve... I'm afraid it seems to me like you need to forget about the whole thing if you want to patch up or ... drop him.

I don't think he's handling this very nicely. I don't think it's too much to ask someone to text you to tell you he's got home ok. That's what lovers do. He seems very selfish to me.

Is he the one trying to cheat on you? And was he afraid of being caught out??? Have you envisaged that? Maybe he had other plans that day that didn't include you, and for a reason ??? He knew you'd be busy all day with family and Thanksgiving. Mind you, I'm not saying he is cheating on you, but his accusations for such a little thing make me think he was up to no good... sorry to think that. But then again, that will only create more drama, so maybe it's best to clam up on it, just keep your eye open.
#10
SlipknotRlZZ Wrote:Well, since he was continuously ignoring your texts and calls, then maybe he just chose that particular something to be the reason for him to break up with you. :// But then...think about what else may have caused him to make this decision. And try to give him some time and...then apologize again. But I don't think that you should raise your hopes too much. ;[ ;[

You think so. I posted our story.


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