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Nerves...Tired...Sad -- Pity party
Just so much and so little going on. I'm going to start substitute teaching at my daughter's school (she's in special needs program at the local middle school), which used to be my high school. So I'm nervous because I haven't done that before, and there's a lot of tension there about bullying and gangs right now. This is a milk and cookies, very conservative community, and my openness about not being Christian (pagan/agnostic) is enough to make me a tad nervous (but not too bad). They're not going to find out I'm gay, for sure.

But in the meantime, I'm sad and tired and nervous. I've never held down a job longer than ten months, if that, due to ADD and due to major back problems. But now my kids depend on me, and I'm afraid of screwing up, not being able to be a good mom, and not able to follow through on book editing and writing, now that I'm in with a digital publisher. Yeah, I get support from my ex, but I am near drowning.

Not to mention I'm freaking lonely. My family basically sucks, and not many people here are gay friendly, which means it's hard to know who it's okay to talk to. Let alone dating. That freaks me out, too! I Only ever dated my ex. Yay. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I am but have no opportunity.

Meh. I don't know why I'm posting other than I don't have many people to talk to. I am always second guessing myself, and it sucks. And I can't afford a sitter so I can go out and meet new people. Ugh. I just want it to get better, but it has to get worse first. Suck suck suck.

Okay. Self-pity moment over. Go about your day. Thanks.
Time is doled out in seconds, minutes, hours and days.

So you do not have to handle everything at once, because not everything is happening all at once (yes it feels that way, but it isn't).

Try to relax and remember that you don't have to do everything right this moment and you don't need to deal with everything right now. Deal with the stuff as each thing comes up.

You will be ok in the end.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

[Image: 57929.jpg?v=1]
Hang in there, it will get better, teaching will be easier once you've done it a few times.

I know it's hard being in one of those small, too uptight towns and coming out, or not as the case may be. Even there though, you might find someone, it isn't hopeless. Smile
Relax........look at this as an exciting new adventure for you........a new chapter in your life. Don't try to be that perfect non existent parent -- just do your best and that is good enough. If you screw up, then you screw up..........don't worry - just try again. You can do it.
Take care and all the best.....
Aww Gossamer Bighug

I'm sure you'll do fine teaching. Just take things one step at a time. Not the same, I know, but we're we're always around if you want to talk.
Thanks. I've been overwhelmed, and sometimes that comes up and tries to pull me under. Today is my son's 5th birthday, and I'm bummed that I can't do it up like in the past. At least, I can try to give him a decent party. I will always have Halloween decorations, and that's what he likes for his b'day being two weeks before. ;-)

I'm just sick of being exhausted all the time. The more tired I am, the sicker I am w/this autoimmune crap, but I need to get stuff done. It's a cycle that won't let me go. I'm trying to be clever w/it, though. Maybe something good will happen. Smile
Dont let anything bring ya down and dont get upset about different aspects of life because at the end of the day ur a good mum and ya need to remember that... I will tell ya something if i had children id not bother wanting a partner because i got the love and attention i need from my own children.. In life we can easily think negative when infact we should realise our full potential and maybe try to find a way to improvise on tasks. I am sorry to hear that your area is very conservative... Some people just need a little more time to accept than others and to be honest your find a way in life to meet a new partner... Have you thought about trying dating sites to see whats around??? I know things can be a little worrying from time to time and scary but in reality it can also be very curious and rewarding ya never know Smile

big hugz

Aunty Zeon xx

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