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Ohh what can I do, I am in love with you
#1
Hello everyone, I'm new here, but glad I have joyned you all and we can discuss about anything that bothers us in this cruel world.
I have my own little love story that I want to share and am willling to listen to your opinions and also advices please.

I'm not american, I live in a small little country in Eastern Europe, in summer 2011 I decided to aply for an american summer program for students, called Work&Travel, but before I got my visa I met this guy online who lives in Miami. From our first video chat that night, I felt a deep connection to him, like there was something strange for a south FL guy to be so amazing, from a romantic point of view. On the day I got my visa, I almost kissed the ground and looked up in the sky thanking God, that I am going to US and meet a person who could be me life partner. My job contract had to be between begin of june and mid of august, somewhere in NY state, but I couldn't wait for it to end faster. Every night after work I used to call him and it always was the perfect way to end my day. One day I got sick and used it as an excuse to quit, though there are strict rules about that, I took the risk and flew to FL. Emotions were so strong, finally after so much chatting and phone talking I would see him phisicly. We went to his place and after we had lunch, we got more comfy and the feeling of touching his soft lips was the most amazing I ever had, I wanted it to last forever, but it did only 3 hours lol still that was a record I broke in kissing anyone. My life turned into paradise, suddenly I got all I ever dreamed of, in most part that was to have somone, who will love me so deep, that I would see it in his eyes and tears of happines and his actions of course. In Miami no one would hire me, cuz of my soon to expire visa, so he had to support me for the time being, I tried to copmensate with all I could, cleaning, cooking (though I suck at that), trying to get relatives in NJ help me financially, but no luck with that. We tryed to get me legalized, but it was 10 times harder than I imagined. Slowly my paradise was becoming very stressful, my visa was almost expired and I wanted to stay ilegaly in the staes, cuz I didnt wanna loose him, but he was afraid I would get deported and than we will never see eachother again. So on my last day, we were on a roadtrip and in the car we played our favorite song of W.Houston , holding hands we promised to eachother "I Will Alwasy Love You". The morning he was taking me to the airport, he suddenly started crying, it was so unexpected, I never had anyone cry for me before, emotions were so strong I couldnt hold my tears either, holding him and looking in his eyes I promised I will come back, that was the saddest day in my life, it was also his Birthday and it was the worst gift I could'v ever given to him.

Our Relationship became long distance, at first it was ok, but than it became a nightmare, you start getting suspecious of cheating and what not, but the missing part was the hardest, I couldnt make any visa, because of financial and other reasons, I had to wait until next summer, or hopefully win a green card in the lottery. He had a few break downs in fall and spring, both times he wanted to break up, again a lot of tears poored on our monitors as we watched, but couldnt touch. In May he said again he wants to break up cuz he cant do it anymore, I saw how much pain it caused him so I had to agree just to make him feel better, hoping he will change his mind again. But that never happened, pretty soon he found a new bf from another state and motivated that he is atleast in the US so they can see eachother by desire.

Now they are 3 months toghether, also kinda long distance, while me and him are kinda still friends. I cannoct discribe how painful it is to witness all this, the man of my dreams who I always believed will never leave me is treating me like this, on one hand I agree that we couldn;t go on like this, but on the other, why get into a really serious relationship after so many given promises and all broken down... But what drives me real crazy, is that even after all this betrayel, I still love him as the last day I saw him, I still think of him every single second and I still am strugling to go back to Miami and hope to start all over again. He has moved on, while I am keeping my promises, pretending to be blind and not see the reality of the situation. But once we talked on skype after he met that guy, he said we should just do our shit and after I get back there, maybe we will have another chance and those words are my only hope.

I still have no idea when exactly I will be getting another visa, most probably next summer, or maybe even sooner. There are a couple possbile endings in my case, either byt the time I get there he will break up and will love to start a new chapter, either he will be soo into that guy and will reject me, which will be maybe the hardest thing for me to ever accept. Hope always dies last for me, so I hope I will have the king of ending like in "The Notebook" movie.

Thank you for reading and being patient Smile
#2
First, now you know what it takes to become a US citizen, so, if you really want that, work on what you need to do on that front. Be sure you want that, whether he takes you back or not. If you do get that and, there won't be that obstacle to your relationship, but make sure you could be okay here, even without him, if you decide to go that route.
#3
Bighug

I am so sorry for your emotional turmoil,I understand how hard it is to maintain a long distance relationship.
It is very difficult emotionally ,and can really be gut wrenching.

That being said, it seems to me that the love of your life is only interested in a relationship that is convenient for him as your own words stated.

Think things over , before you throw caution to the winds of romance.
Could you ever look at him and not remember the pain you are feeling now?

Good luck with it all.
We are all here for you.
#4
I know how painful it is. Take care!
#5
Thank you so much for your responses. Yes I am sure I can live on my own in the US and won't have any problems with that, after being there 2 summers in a row, it is the easiest place to be at for me, out of all the countries I'v been to.
Exactly how Rainbowmum noted, I dont know how can I look at him the same way after all the pain he caused, if we do get back toghether, but I just always believed everyone make mistakes and everyone deserves another chance.


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