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Out to some, not to others
#1
Hi there,
I'm 38 years old and only came out to some close friends last year.
I moved in to my own place just over a year ago, and it wasn't until last summer that I even met another gay person, apart from on holidays. I was invited to a house party by a neighbour who unbeknownst to me suspected that I was gay. I met some great people there, gay and straight, who have since become my closest friends. I didn't tell them I was gay at first, as I didn't yet know them, but after a couple of months I decided that it was something I had to do. I even took time off work to do it, as I knew that I was going to be a nervous wreck. I met two of my new closest friends for coffee, one a gay guy and the other a straight girl, and after chatting for a while I said that I had something to say and said without hesitating "I'm GAY". I was so nervous I started to fill up. They both hugged me and said that they had suspected it, and were waiting until I felt comfortable enough to tell them. That week I told the other friends I had made at the house party and all of them supported me so much it felt like a weight had been lifted and I now feel like a different person.
Now for the difficult part. I haven't yet told any family members, older friends, or work colleagues. I'd like to think that they will all still accept me for who I am, but as I've known them for so long, especially family, I'm worried that they will fall out with me for not telling them sooner. A part of me thinks that they may suspect it anyway, and so will be fine with it, but another part of me thinks that if they suspected it and nobody has brought it up before then maybe that's because they're not fine with it. And there's also the possibility that nobody else does suspect it, and it will be a huge shock to them all.
I feel like I'm rambling now, but hopefully some of you will understand how I feel. Here's hoping that I can find the courage to come completely out this year. It's taken a long time to get this far, but I feel it's time to be honest with others as well as myself.
#2
Congratulations Smile Many of us on here will fully understand your situation. I was approaching forty when I finally came out to myself. It was quite difficult to know what to do from then on. However, after a LOT of changes in my situation I have had a wonderful partner for several years, no problem living decloaked and life is mostly pretty good. Wink

Best wishes to you and good luck on your journey.
#3
Good job! I'm happy for you! I love that ''weight off your shoulders'' feeling that you're talking about.

I'm in the same boat as you (even with thinking that people suspect me and whatnot). Also, the only person who knows in my family is my brother. I doubt they'd be angry with you for waiting to tell them, it's a tough thing to deal with so don't think that and I'm sure they'd understand that as well.

Good luck!
#4
You have plenty of time so don't feel like you have to rush it. Also be careful with co-workers as they can create problems for you if they don't "have your back."

with your family you may want to start with a sibling that you are closest to. Then they can be your advocate with the rest of the family.


Keep us posted as to how it goes!
#5
Well Jared all i can say is good job so far you always have the Gs community of friends to help you out .
you will find the more you come out the lighter you will feel. I would hold off on work for now as why would they need to know anyway,unless you have a crush on someone there? wink wink.
just move forward and good luck to you
#6
Thanks for the support guys. Even though I'm 38, I feel like I'm in my 20's again as everything is so new to me. My life has changed so much for the better since I met my new friends and came out to them. I can relax when I am around them, as I know they love and respect the real me and I don't have to worry that I know something that they don't.
I'll keep you posted as I progress on my journey. I can't see myself telling my work colleagues any time soon, as it might make it difficult to work with them, and it really is none of their business. They don't talk about their private lives, so why should I. My family are probably going to be the next to tell, but as I have no siblings to confide in first, it's going to be tough. I don't want to lose them, but I hope that they wouldn't want to lose me either.
Thanks again for your support.
Jared
#7
Nice to hear things are going well for you Jared. I'm 27, still haven't come out to anyone yet but you give me hope.
#8
Great for you! When I came out it was a scary thing, thinking I was going to lose friends (I did some, but not all) and I thought family would shun me, they didn't. My brother asked me "what took so long, we've known for years." I was married at the time, when I told my wife she said she's known for years, I asked her why she stayed she thought I'd change. Uh, not happening. She has found a new man in her life, and I have dated a few, but no LTR. The thing is, I am so happy, I feel like I finally get to live MY life! I get to be who I am! Good luck with the rest of your journey, it's worth it.


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