Out to some, not to others
01-08-2011, 04:30 PM
Hi there,
I'm 38 years old and only came out to some close friends last year.
I moved in to my own place just over a year ago, and it wasn't until last summer that I even met another gay person, apart from on holidays. I was invited to a house party by a neighbour who unbeknownst to me suspected that I was gay. I met some great people there, gay and straight, who have since become my closest friends. I didn't tell them I was gay at first, as I didn't yet know them, but after a couple of months I decided that it was something I had to do. I even took time off work to do it, as I knew that I was going to be a nervous wreck. I met two of my new closest friends for coffee, one a gay guy and the other a straight girl, and after chatting for a while I said that I had something to say and said without hesitating "I'm GAY". I was so nervous I started to fill up. They both hugged me and said that they had suspected it, and were waiting until I felt comfortable enough to tell them. That week I told the other friends I had made at the house party and all of them supported me so much it felt like a weight had been lifted and I now feel like a different person.
Now for the difficult part. I haven't yet told any family members, older friends, or work colleagues. I'd like to think that they will all still accept me for who I am, but as I've known them for so long, especially family, I'm worried that they will fall out with me for not telling them sooner. A part of me thinks that they may suspect it anyway, and so will be fine with it, but another part of me thinks that if they suspected it and nobody has brought it up before then maybe that's because they're not fine with it. And there's also the possibility that nobody else does suspect it, and it will be a huge shock to them all.
I feel like I'm rambling now, but hopefully some of you will understand how I feel. Here's hoping that I can find the courage to come completely out this year. It's taken a long time to get this far, but I feel it's time to be honest with others as well as myself.
I'm 38 years old and only came out to some close friends last year.
I moved in to my own place just over a year ago, and it wasn't until last summer that I even met another gay person, apart from on holidays. I was invited to a house party by a neighbour who unbeknownst to me suspected that I was gay. I met some great people there, gay and straight, who have since become my closest friends. I didn't tell them I was gay at first, as I didn't yet know them, but after a couple of months I decided that it was something I had to do. I even took time off work to do it, as I knew that I was going to be a nervous wreck. I met two of my new closest friends for coffee, one a gay guy and the other a straight girl, and after chatting for a while I said that I had something to say and said without hesitating "I'm GAY". I was so nervous I started to fill up. They both hugged me and said that they had suspected it, and were waiting until I felt comfortable enough to tell them. That week I told the other friends I had made at the house party and all of them supported me so much it felt like a weight had been lifted and I now feel like a different person.
Now for the difficult part. I haven't yet told any family members, older friends, or work colleagues. I'd like to think that they will all still accept me for who I am, but as I've known them for so long, especially family, I'm worried that they will fall out with me for not telling them sooner. A part of me thinks that they may suspect it anyway, and so will be fine with it, but another part of me thinks that if they suspected it and nobody has brought it up before then maybe that's because they're not fine with it. And there's also the possibility that nobody else does suspect it, and it will be a huge shock to them all.
I feel like I'm rambling now, but hopefully some of you will understand how I feel. Here's hoping that I can find the courage to come completely out this year. It's taken a long time to get this far, but I feel it's time to be honest with others as well as myself.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Many of us on here will fully understand your situation. I was approaching forty when I finally came out to myself. It was quite difficult to know what to do from then on. However, after a LOT of changes in my situation I have had a wonderful partner for several years, no problem living decloaked and life is mostly pretty good. 
