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Painful anal sex
#1
Hi guys! Ok, so i am with my bf for 1 month now and we havent had anal sex. Hes top and I haven't tried it before. I've been fingered and i've attempted using dildos. But its so painful. The pain is not a stretching kinda pain, but more of like a very sensitve feeling. The kinda feeling (brace yourself for the gross part), you get when you ate extremely spicy food or when you are having a bad tummy ache. I dont know if there are other guys who feel like this. But more lube doesnt quite help in this case. Also, for me i am fine not having sex but for him penetration is important.

I have a couple of questions that im hoping you guys could help me with:

Is there a chance that i am not meant to enjoy being penetrated?

Can your partner with a big penis damage you anal tissues or generally harm you?

Also, how does it feel like when being penetrated? Is it a good feeling? Isnt it better to fuck than to get fucked cos even though the prostate gland can be better stimulated from the rear, wouldnt the front be the one that makes you attain the ultimate orgasm?
#2
conechvn Wrote:I feel the same way with you. Literately, "a pain in the ass".

3. It depends not only on yourself but also on your partner. When I am with a bottom, I like to dominate and a top. But if a top can dominate me totally, it 's my pleasure to serve him.

When you say dominate what do you mean??
#3
There are people they can´t enjoy anal-sex .... and there is no way to "learn" it.
But there are so many ways to have a wonderful sex-life... I can´t understand why it must be anal-sex when someone have pain.... sorry but I do not strike again and again with a hammer on my thumb just because I met someone once who liked it Confusedmile:
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#4
ridin_solo88 Wrote:Is there a chance that i am not meant to enjoy being penetrated?

Can your partner with a big penis damage you anal tissues or generally harm you?

Also, how does it feel like when being penetrated? Is it a good feeling? Isnt it better to fuck than to get fucked cos even though the prostate gland can be better stimulated from the rear, wouldnt the front be the one that makes you attain the ultimate orgasm?

1/ Well technically nobody is designed for this, but we seem to get around that

2/ Any size can potentially cause damage, the key things are use of lube to ensure things are slipping and sliding and not pulling and tearing, and to make sure your partner whatever his size doesnt just slam away without consideration for how its feeling!

3/ I cant say from experience as I only top, however the mechanics/physiology of anal sex are such that the anus is lined with nerves which, can experience a lot of pleasure - coupled with that you have the prostate gland in a handy position to be stimulated which can cause great pleasure, and can also lead to amazing orgasms.

Take things slowly with you bf, use lube - plenty of lube, and experiment with position. A favoured position for 'newbies' is where you are on top and therefore have control of speed of entry and thrust.
Confusedmile:
#5
ridin_solo88 Wrote:Is there a chance that i am not meant to enjoy being penetrated?

Can your partner with a big penis damage you anal tissues or generally harm you?

Also, how does it feel like when being penetrated? Is it a good feeling? Isnt it better to fuck than to get fucked cos even though the prostate gland can be better stimulated from the rear, wouldnt the front be the one that makes you attain the ultimate orgasm?
1. What I know exactly you'll enjoy anal sex when you are drunk. I'm not giving you an advice to get drunk whenever you're gonna be fucked but just try once.
3. It's great! But you should really be inflamed. If you do really want your partner penetrates you then anal sex will be ouaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!)
#6
Ok, I'm going to be a bit inquisitive here and ask how big is he? My advice would be lots of lube, and to take it very very slow. Try working the head in very slow. This may take a good 5 minutes or so. A little at a time, then once you get the head in, just hold it there, relax completely, and don't move an inch until you feel comfortable. Continue to take it slow until you can handle it. That's what I do. Slow is the key word. If you rush into it, you're not going to have a good time unless you like pain.
#7
fenris Wrote:There are people they can´t enjoy anal-sex .... and there is no way to "learn" it.
But there are so many ways to have a wonderful sex-life... I can´t understand why it must be anal-sex when someone have pain.... sorry but I do not strike again and again with a hammer on my thumb just because I met someone once who liked it Confusedmile:

Love that bit, Fenris, so true...
#8
ridin_solo88 Wrote:Hi guys! Ok, so i am with my bf for 1 month now and we havent had anal sex. Hes top and I haven't tried it before. I've been fingered and i've attempted using dildos. But its so painful. The pain is not a stretching kinda pain, but more of like a very sensitve feeling. The kinda feeling (brace yourself for the gross part), you get when you ate extremely spicy food or when you are having a bad tummy ache. I dont know if there are other guys who feel like this. But more lube doesnt quite help in this case. Also, for me i am fine not having sex but for him penetration is important.

I have a couple of questions that im hoping you guys could help me with:

Is there a chance that i am not meant to enjoy being penetrated?

Can your partner with a big penis damage you anal tissues or generally harm you?

Also, how does it feel like when being penetrated? Is it a good feeling? Isnt it better to fuck than to get fucked cos even though the prostate gland can be better stimulated from the rear, wouldnt the front be the one that makes you attain the ultimate orgasm?

Having gut trouble, rumbling guts etc, might be a normal reaction. I think there is a name for it like Gay bowel syndrome... which is probably a reaction to the amount of abnormal movement going on down there and not just down but up as well. Our muscles are supposed to push the faeces down, little by little, and it might be that they don't like being interfered with like that. People react differently. There is also the fact that a lot of air could be pushed back up into the rectum and bowels, thus making you feel a bit bloated? There is one more thing that might aggravate you and that might be being allergic to condom latex. This is something that happens and you should check whether the burning sensation isn't coming from that. Latex is unfortunately one of the allergisers, like peanuts and bananas, so it you are sensitive to that, it won't help. There are other kinds of condoms available that are made of some kind of plastic which are ok to use if allergic to latex. Check them out online or at your drugstore / pharmacy.
#9
Thnx so much for all the useful info guys...Someone told me that the inner muscles need strengthening by fingering and progreesing onto a dildo first. Its surprising how little info there are on these issues; only porn pops up! I know that to him intercourse is important. To me it is not necessary at all. I wonder how things will turn out if we dont end up having sex at all.

conechvn Wrote:It 's a very strong feeling that very difficult to describe. Like he totally owns you, he is in control and you feel safe to let him take the lead and put all of your trust on him. If you want to not have a painful anal sex, you must trust your partner's lead, totally comfortable with him and tell yourself that he knows what he is doing. That way you can be relax and open for him to go inside.

Wow i think im more of a top then...but i guess i believe in both partners being versatile...

DRW Wrote:Ok, I'm going to be a bit inquisitive here and ask how big is he?

Well hes really thick and ard 20 cm or so. But for me i think a normal sized penis would be really painful as well.
#10
Hi Ridin_solo,

oooh, this old chestnut again... I think most of the angles have been covered here, I'm a little late replying.

Is there a chance that i am not meant to enjoy being penetrated? It's not so much a case of destiny as preference through trying. If you keep trying and it's really not working for you and causing you pain, I would agree. But just to repeat other members on this forum, there are a lot of factors - (lol okay, here goes) I have a dildo that is made from latex, and when I used to use it I got that same pain/feeling that was much different to sex. It could be a reaction to the material in your condoms, also spermicide coatings in condoms apparently can irritate you back there.

Can your partner with a big penis damage you anal tissues or generally harm you? there is slightly more potential there if he's really big, but almost anyone can hurt you by going in too soon, being too rough; they're less manageable obviously.

And now the good stuff - Personally I think being penetrated and worked well is orgasmic :tongue: not literally, but I came close to cumming hands-free the other day after a really good session. When I first started out it hurt because I just wasn't used to it, but the fact that I wanted it so bad and fantasised about it was a major piece of the jigsaw. If you're not sure about it and just fooling around, I can see how you might be unsure about it. Relaxation, desire, and a caring partner will help with all of these.

Isnt it better to fuck than to get fucked? I don't know ^^ I love 'em both depending on my mood. There's nothign quite like being pinned down and having some rough submissive sex with someone who knows what you like and what your boundaries are, but then I'm weird and always enjoyed being dominated ith a small D... Fucking is harder work, and there's more pressure on you to perform. It does however let you ride the selfish line if you want and really just get yourself off; throwing around young twinky guys is fun too, these are all really questions of preference. I'm versatile.

hope these helped a little. Most of the forum members have given pretty sound advice here, and I'd be looking at changing your rubbers and possibly toys to NON-LATEX if possible.

And also- sure, you have every right not to like it Smile it's not essential and there's a whole lot else you can do to keep your partner happy.


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