you seem to think its a requirement to come out. its not.
if you feel any pressure from yourself to tell people, you must tell yourself that its nobody's business but your own.
if, on the other hand, you *want* certain people to know, perhaps you should consider talking to one at a time - especially to those who are important to you but you know will have the maturity to keep it to themselves. it seems by what you describe your family is broadminded and will respect this. its usually those who can't deal with it that go announcing it to the world.
i myself took both my sisters separately to a pub one day, we talked about stuff before we gradually went into the subject and i told them. make sure you both have plenty of time to chat, so you don't feel the pressure.
it gets easier the more people you tell.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
It's a scary thing anyway. The world doesn't end, but it sure feels like it might, and even after I came out, I had phantom closet panic that people "knew", even when I already was aware that they did. I had to be drunk the first time (which I don't recommend), and I couldn't even say "I'm gay" for several months following (the best I could do was text it).
The point I'm making is that while the desire to be honest may be strong, coming out when you are okay with yourself being gay is better than throwing yourself into the fray emotionally unprepared.
•
"It is a scary thing" like Counselor says, so no doubt you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you get a chance to come out. Also like Aeneas says There's no requirement that you have to announce your sexuality to the world, that is, unless you want to.
Having said that, I do feel better with every person that I tell. I choose to tell only the closest of friends because I want to, and I don't feel the need to tell everybody.
I'm not ashamed of my sexuality, it's just that it's my own business.
•
I agree with everyone so far. You are not required to tell anyone, but it can be empowering. There is a level of self-acceptance that can grow and strengthen as you come out with family and friends... and survive.
I'll share my method, which worked well for me. First I would tell a friend that I was in a new relationship which felt great. This always got a positive response. Then I'd say, "And... I have a boyfriend." They were already happy for me, so then they had to wrap their head around the fact that I'm with a guy. I haven't had anyone take back being happy for me.
Good luck with your own process!
•
yeah let them ask you. answer you are gay. and stare at them and wait for a response . if you are ok with it, so will they. this works out fine for me. my moms bf took me to his relatives/friends and stuff and he got used to me doing this thing, and his friends still say hello to me , so i think it's a good method
•
It certainly is alot easier to say other things rather than those two words.
I came out by telling people I was interested in a guy and letting them work out what i meant.
Some of them were a bit slower than others and i confirmed when asked but I found it a bit easier than specifically saying that I was gay.
•
chances are that in a half way reasonable family situation they already know. Your parents critical thinking may have stalled out a bit as their lives have established itself. For gays even in just the last few years things have changed for the better. But you have to ask your self; are your parents in your bed at night and the answer is no, so how is it that they need to know anything if you dont feel its time to tell them?
situations that might bring you to consider talking to them
-if you have have a functional boy friend you might want to bring home to introduce.
-you might want to have some one over for christmas dinner?
-you start actively dating a few men and dont want to hide conversations and the time you spend out side the house.
You might want to be pro active:
-what are the house rules in bringing a date home over night?
-have some material for them, get their attitude up to date, you have been dealing with your sexuality all your life, cant expect them to be up to speed. To that end I would have some information out for them to read or watch on the computer. There might be a lecture at the local LGBT center for parents with a gay child.
-you are not going to change, you like boys. Better you dont get trapped in a straight relationship and you fall back to the Joe, leaving the straight wife and child.
•
This forum's done great things, finally brought the issue forward and I'm taking larger steps to coming out and discovering myself more freely.
