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Psychology of Sexuality

I've recently begun a class called Psychology of Sexual Orientation, great class by the way. The other day we had a discussion about two point of views for the origination of sexuality: The essentialist view, who believes orientation is innate and the social constructivism, who believe it is learned or a choice.

Anyway, we were asked to turn to our neighbor and tell which side we felt was more valid. When I talked to the guy next to me, he told me that he was homosexual by choice. He used to date women but when he was 16, he fell head over heels in love with a guy and thought "hmm maybe I am gay" and have since then identified as homosexual. I told him that I could relate as far as liking girls in my earlier life but for the last 10 years, I have consistently been attracted to guys.

My question for you are:
Can you really decide to be gay or have homosexual attractions? Can you make yourself like one or the other?

I think of myself and how I was attracted to girls. I even masturbated to them late elementary school. Then one day I wondered if I would like thinking of a guy and totally thought of guys throughout middle, high school, and adulthood. Now I rarely think of girls, I would say three times in the last 5 years just to compare the feeling I get nor do I get that WOW! I get when I see guys.
I think it's different for each of us. I can never remember thinking of girls sexually, but *deep breath here* I am also the product of a mother that held me down for a father to rape, then preached their version of Christianity at me the rest of the time. From age 7 to 16, when I finally had the guts and physical strength to fight back and put the brakes on that game.

So though I think of being gay as inborn and natural to me, I know that realistically it could be the result of abuse.
Blue Wrote:*deep breath here*

Holy Toledo. Bighug
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
That was a long time ago but, yeah I have to be pretty comfortable before I bring it up even that much. So here is okay, and there isn't much other way I could answer the topic honestly.
Double007 Wrote:When I talked to the guy next to me, he told me that he was homosexual by choice. He used to date women but when he was 16, he fell head over heels in love with a guy and thought "hmm maybe I am gay" and have since then identified as homosexual.

That doesn't sound like a choice, that sounds like awareness of an innate quality. His only choice was not to live a lie as opposed to what gender he was going to fall in love with.

And given all the crap and pain most people are gonna get in society for their orientation, including feelings of self-loathing, rejection by family, and the like I really doubt he'd be so cavalier as to say "I think I'll be gay." (And even if he was that cavalier, devil may care then I doubt he'd find many others also willing to make a similar decision so that he'd be pretty lonely.)

Double007 Wrote:Can you really decide to be gay or have homosexual attractions? Can you make yourself like one or the other?


I knew one very open minded straight guy who tried really hard to be bisexual but try as he might it just wouldn't work for him. He could have sex, he could even orgasm, but the love and attraction he got with women was just never present with a guy, and after a few guys (a couple that stalked him after) he gave up trying.

Of course that's just one guys experience, but what I've noticed about love is that it's not rational and it's not something we can choose. We can make a conscious rejection of someone we're attracted to but we can't not be attracted in the first place. Likewise, many (gay and straight) have tried to love someone they weren't attracted to and it didn't work. So I'm fairly certain that while you can make a conscious choice to reject someone you're attracted to (or even love...sometimes) or to marry someone you don't love and aren't attracted to, who you're attracted to isn't a choice.

For more on that (sorry if I'm being trivial now)...

And a Disney song put to K/S slash:

That sucks! Sorry to hear that you were abused. I agree with you Blue. We all have had different paths in life. I could side with an innate desire and just say I was too young to understand my feelings and since homosexuality was more frowned upon back then, but part of me also thinks that maybe I conditioned myself to like guys. However, I do remember in sixth grade having a peculiar feeling about a male classmate one day when we were standing at the creek near my house. I don't remember it being sexual. It wasn't even a "you're cool thing, I just felt really into him. it only happened once with him. I had plenty of other guys throughout the years that I liked, especially as an adult. I would think that people might feel awkward thinking of the same sex after a while if they really didn't have attractions or interest in them.
I'm sorry for you Blue. I find some girls attractive. But i never masturbated to them. As long as i know my self, im gay. No one abused me, i don't know anyone gay except me. I'm not effected by anyone. If i could change the way i feel i would. I really tried but it doesn't work. My only regret about being gay is i'm never gonna have a baby. I can adopt one, but i don't think having two fathers is something he/she can deal with. I couldn't Big Grin. I don't think being gay is wrong. But i think its natural selection. We're unnecessary parts of human kind. It's.. sad.
I hardly think we are unnecessary. Reproduction is not the only reason to be here. Is a gelding useless just because he can't breed? No he is still useful for everything else a horse is useful for, just not breeding.

And even among humans, whats't the big difference between us and straight guys that have vasectomies, except that we can be sperm donors if we chose (at a sperm bank).
I pray to God, i hope i can get out of here and find what im looking for. And about that, i think we're kinda better then most straights. Looking someone's child is better than leaving your own child. And actually i don't think i need a child who carries my blood to actually love him/her. If i can have a child, in any way im gonna try to be the best parent.
I can honestly say that I have never been attracted to the opposite sex. Sure I have "faked it" for a long time due to scociety's view of homosexuality, hell there are women that I think are very "pleasing to the eye" but none that I just want to hop into bed with! But even when my ex and I had sex, there was always the thought of another guy in my head. I can't even get hard without thinking about a guy.

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