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What the hell is happening???? Advice Please
#1
I don't even know where to start. I am 29 years old and still in the closet to everyone besides my best friend I told three months ago. I have had a couple of "freinds" that I would see every so often for the past two years but never for sex. Around the middle of last summer I met someone (we'll call him Chad) on a Hookup site (first mistake) and we seemed to really connect. He was coming out of a two year realtionship due to his BF leaving him for the second time. ( we'll call him Brad ) He lives three hours away and we talked for about two weeks then decided to meet ( I live in an area where there are only a couple of gay people that are out. I am sure there are more but are two scared because of the environment ). So anyway I left after work on a Friday and we met half way at his family camp. To make a long story short we really hit it off and this continued for every weekend for three months. I really liked this guy and being accepted by his friends and family for being gay was great for me to. This was my first real relationship and it felt amazing. I never felt anything like it toward anyone. He was also the first guy I had ever slept with. Then one weekend he told me he was hard up for money and needed to start working weekends which I completely understood.
I only saw him once after that for the next two months for breakfast one day on my way through for work. He always kept telling me he loved me and couldn't wait unitl I moved closer ( that was my plan ). He told me he was not seeing anyone and just wanted me and couldn't wait for me to be living near there. Something just wasn't adding up though for me. He would text me a question and I would answer but not hear back from him until the next day. Sometimes I would not hear from him all weekend but when he was working I heard from him alot. When I would question this he would say he goes to bed early or he left his phone in his truck or he didn't have service or the battery was dead. When I would ask if there was someone else he would tell me he loved me and end up making me feel bad for questioning him and I would end up aplogizing to him. This went on for two and a half months up unitl last Tuesday. I was at work and I got a text. It said, "Hey Joe, this is Brad, Chad's boyfriend." " Has Chad told you we have been back together for two months?, I suspected he hasnt and looked at his phone and saw you guys were still talking and that is why I am going to the source." I almost hit the floor, I felt like throwing up. I went to the bathroom so I could text him back and explained to him that I had no idea and how sorry I was. Come to find out he had been living with him and playing us both. I felt like the biggest idiot. Looking back now I am pretty sure I knew deep down but didn''t want to believe it but instead believed him. I was completely crushed.
His Boyfriend ended up calling me later that evening. He wanted to get all the facts before he confronted Chad. Again I apologized to him and we ended up talking and we just kept uncovering more and more of the deseatful things he did to both of us. He confronted Chad that night and he continued to text me. He ended up leaving Chad for lying and cheating on him that whole time and moving back to his parents house over the weekend. He said this is the second time Chad has done that to him and he was done. So now its been over a week. Brad and I have been talking alot and even talk more than an hour on the phone every night and we talk a couple of times during the day. We have texted pictures back and forth. He is gorgous and seems so amazing. It's like I have know him all my life. I have never felt like this about anyone and he says he feels the same way. He has asked me to meet him this weekend and I have already told him I would. He seems like a genuine, honest guy with a huge heart. Am I crazy? Do I have issues with falling for people to quickly? I just really want to be happy and he has made me feel great so far. I will never know unless I meet him so I think it's worth the risk. It feels so right I am scared to pass it up but at the same time scared to get hurt.
Being in the closet I have nobody to discuss this with so thats why I am reaching out to my GS friends. If I am a complete idiot would you please tell me. I need advice!! What do I do????
#2
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you :frown: Honestly, I'm not surprised by the way you feel. One thing is for certain, your not an idiot. While I'm not sure what's the best advice for your situation, the two of you could just start off as friends. Get to know each other a bit more and see if there's more to the relationship. Hope things work out
#3
Hi CB,
Try to stay just friends with this guy, I am pretty sure it would be a very bad idea to be this mans rebound date.
Trust me on this, what you have here , is a N.G.Z (No go zone.)

You are very vulnerable at the moment, you both are, neither one of you should be thinking anything else than friendship.
Guard your heart and overcome the hurt and betrayal.
Please do not confuse common ground with love .

Take care .
#4
I do not want to upset you too much but I feel since you asked I have to give you an honest answer with many years of experience to back me up.

I am just going to say it...you are being played....again. You are in the middle of a very common game people play. I watched this scenario play out so many times over the years...they might be in a competition....I dont' really understand what they get out of it, I think his partner is going to try to seduce you...avoid it if you can.
#5
Rainbowmum Wrote:Hi CB,
Try to stay just friends with this guy, I am pretty sure it would be a very bad idea to be this mans rebound date.
Trust me on this, what you have here , is a N.G.Z (No go zone.)

You are very vulnerable at the moment, you both are, neither one of you should be thinking anything else than friendship.
Guard your heart and overcome the hurt and betrayal.
Please do not confuse common ground with love .

Take care .

Thank you very much, I am going to try and not let me gaurd down but I think I have already let it down further than I should have. Thanks for your respose
#6
East Wrote:I do not want to upset you too much but I feel since you asked I have to give you an honest answer with many years of experience to back me up.

I am just going to say it...you are being played....again. You are in the middle of a very common game people play. I watched this scenario play out so many times over the years...they might be in a competition....I dont' really understand what they get out of it, I think his partner is going to try to seduce you...avoid it if you can.

Thanks, I am an honest guy and expect honest answers. Thank you. I just want to find someone to give what I have to offer if anyone will ever accept it. I hope I won't be a magnet for relationships like this my whole life.
#7
countyboy Wrote:Thanks, I am an honest guy and expect honest answers. Thank you. I just want to find someone to give what I have to offer if anyone will ever accept it. I hope I won't be a magnet for relationships like this my whole life.

Well...honestly again IMO...you are a great catch and I think geography is your only enemy as far as developing a relationship. I really don't think you will have any problem once you meet a variety of men. The magnet you have is naivety at this point and that is what is attracting these guys....basically they are externalizing their problems and you are a tool and they are taking advantage of your naivety.

Forget about feeling rushed...you will find a man quite easily that is worthy of your attention and affection soon enough if you are open to it and if you expand your geographic boundaries...,maybe move somewhere else?
#8
youre treading on dangerous waters, common ground in betrayal, and inanimate feelings. dont take another step forward. you both are wide open at the moment and what you think you know is nothing but human infatuation after hurt. sympathy and love are very dangerous elemnts of human nature and when they mix, false images are made. you have to really try him! from scratch. if you think you like him, erase the common ground and see what YOU REALLY HAVE in COMMON, that does not include pain and suffering.
[Image: sdfg_by_cocoaeyes-d6waj25.png]
#9
I am looking at this maybe in a different light. Maybe this Brad guy is playing you too. So yes maybe become friends first and see where that leads. If some of the same patterins develop or something doesn't add up at a later date then you wont get hurt. I have also been played and when I was vunerable! I was taken advantage of on several occassions.

Go on a date or two first before hoping into bed and getting all the emotions involved! We men seem to just hop in the bed first!
#10
I would say stay friends for a while. You both need it. You may not be being played, he may be as hurt as you are. If someone cheats once, they'll do it again though usually. If you stay friends and then see him go back, then you know he has codependency issues and wouldn't want to be in that anyway.

Is there a city close by where you don't need to worry about the closet ? It seems to me you need some gay friends that you can talk to.


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