blackmail

[Anonymous]

I really need input. Today I found out that someone is blackmailing a family member. He is in the closet and his blackmailer (openly gay) is threatening to tell the family. More to the point, elderly conservative parents who aren’t in great health. Isn’t there some unspoken rule about his kind of thing in the gay community? Have you or someone you know ever had to deal with something like this? What did you do? The person doing the blackmailing is quite unstable from everything I have seen and heard. How to deal with someone like this?

I really need help with this.

[marshlander]

Outing someone is usually regarded poorly. There are a very few exceptions. Blackmailing someone over their sexuality though is generally despicable.

Often the best thing to do with blackmail threats is to defuse them by spilling the information first. That's when they lose their power. It's not easy though. Sorry I don't have a better answer for you at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Marshlander. I only found out about it today. I am going to try to remove him from the situation by relocating him, but it will take time to set up a new job etc. The bad guy is someone I only encountered recently and since then have discovered that he is a real sicko. Prone to violence, thinks he is the best thing ever etc. The kind of guy that will probably end up murdered eventually due to behaviour.

[jbrowder24]

I take it to blackmail, this guy has some kind of proof? I.e. photos or something? If it's just his word, it could always be denied. This would generally be advised against as the questions would be planted in the mind and the truth would come out eventually, but you mentioned the main concern being parents not in the best of health so perhaps it would work in this situation, since the guy seems to have a reputation for being a nut anyway. Otherwise, I agree with Marshlander, and even if denying worked as a short-term solution with the parents, your relative would probably need to come out to others after their passing.

And yeah this is definitely not representative of the gay community at all. Many of us went through struggles of coming out and are supportive. I hope you and your family member are able to get the issue resolved.

Oh and I also agree with OprhanPip below

[OrphanPip]

What kind of demands is he making. If the guy is demanding some sort of substantive payment for withholding the information, then it is criminal and you can threaten him with legal action.

Edit: Also, this kind of behavior amounts to harassment and it might be possible to get a restraining order.

[simon]

yes it is looked down on,and very few gay men would out someone.

is he after money? it is illegal and here in the UK people have gone to prison for it,it is taken very seriously,I would have a word with this creep and tell him once to go away,if he doesn't then I wouldn't have any more contact with him as it would be clear he was enjoying the trouble he was causing,it would mean your friend coming out and tbh it would be the best outcome, I would think,not nice to do when family are sick but also not nice to live in the closet with the threat of blackmail over your head.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the input. Not sure what his demands are. My relative recently had his pension fund released which makes me think all the more that the blackmail is financial. From what I’ve seen, the sicko wants to be a kept man. I think that he has gotten a free vacation out of it so far and his rent is being covered.

Jbrowder, yes, I was also wondering about that. What proof he has etc. I will have to get this information from my relative.

OrphanPip, a month ago the guy started harassing me and sending threatening text messages. A few days ago I went to the police and opened a case naming him as the chief suspect. Also reported the harassment to the cell phone company. They handed it over to their legal department and they are now recording all the phone calls in case it continues. They did contact the owner (I believe he is using someone else’s phone) and warned him that his calls and messages are being monitored. The police told me that they will arrest him if he continues to bother me. I told my relative all of this and he is now afraid that the guy will take revenge should the cops get involved. My view of it is that I am not going to allow this guy to turn my life upside down. I barely know him and have done nothing to him (he lives far away). I found out that he creates trouble everywhere he goes. Frankly, he is nothing but trash. I feel I need to show him that I will not be played with. Things have clearly gone too far as it is. What a mess.

[simon]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the input. Not sure what his demands are. My relative recently had his pension fund released which makes me think all the more that the blackmail is financial. From what I’ve seen, the sicko wants to be a kept man. I think that he has gotten a free vacation out of it so far and his rent is being covered.

Jbrowder, yes, I was also wondering about that. What proof he has etc. I will have to get this information from my relative.

OrphanPip, a month ago the guy started harassing me and sending threatening text messages. A few days ago I went to the police and opened a case naming him as the chief suspect. Also reported the harassment to the cell phone company. They handed it over to their legal department and they are now recording all the phone calls in case it continues. They did contact the owner (I believe he is using someone else’s phone) and warned him that his calls and messages are being monitored. The police told me that they will arrest him if he continues to bother me. I told my relative all of this and he is now afraid that the guy will take revenge should the cops get involved. My view of it is that I am not going to allow this guy to turn my life upside down. I barely know him and have done nothing to him (he lives far away). I found out that he creates trouble everywhere he goes. Frankly, he is nothing but trash. I feel I need to show him that I will not be played with. Things have clearly gone too far as it is. What a mess.

nice one,looks like he has met his match :biggrin:

[Anonymous]

Simon, thanks. I agree. Problem is that my hands are tied as far as the coming out part is concerned.

[Anonymous]

nice one,looks like he has met his match :biggrin:

I'd kick his bitchy little bum if I could get him in the ring.:mad: