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fear of being completely out
#1
I am partially out, all of my friends know. But I just can't be out and open just yet. I want to but I fear aggravating people around me. My job requires me to be reserved, macho. And so on.

How do you live out?
#2
Personally im not shouting that Im gay but If someone asks I wont deny it.
#3
Sweetie , you are putting way to much pressure on yourself.
There is no rush , give yourself a break , you are not responsible for others reactions.
#4
hank Wrote:I am partially out, all of my friends know. But I just can't be out and open just yet. I want to but I fear aggravating people around me. My job requires me to be reserved, macho. And so on.

How do you live out?

If you are out to the people that matter, then that is all that matters. Other than that it is no one elses business if you don't want it to be their business.

You are a lot more than partially out Hank, not everyone needs to know about your private life.
#5
Watermark Wrote:Personally im not shouting that Im gay but If someone asks I wont deny it.

This is my same approach.
#6
dfiant Wrote:If you are out to the people that matter, then that is all that matters. Other than that it is no one elses business if you don't want it to be their business.

You are a lot more than partially out Hank, not everyone needs to know about your private life.

My parents and my brother, I have told them, but they kind of talked me out of it. they seem to have made the assault they have on gay men more vocal around me.
#7
I've never told anyone I am gay (except 30 years ago when I first "came out" at the local bars, etc.). I was "closeted" to my family, work and many close friends for the next 20 years. In the last 10 I've not "come out" specifically to anyone and I'm still in the closet for the vast majority of work. This is because my personal life has not come up as an issue in my work enough that my sexual preference has been in any way a topic of discussion (for the most part). As for family and friends, I've only "come out" by their witness and never by my confession. I've just never felt the need or obligation to confess, admit or inform. I do consider myself blessed to have had no related drama.

It has been funny or interesting that family/friends have made efforts to passively let me know they "don't care" or support my privacy by being very affectionate and accommodating of my bf. It has helped me to realize that others are more apprehensive or "careful" about the matter than I have been and so any of the anxiety I had 30 years ago has never been an issue again since.

Mum and Dfiant said it best so I can't add much to the feedback, but I do hope you'll just naturally let go over time of any worry or concern as you go along. REMEMBER, the journey IS the destination! Yllove
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#8
Yo will note that my profile says out to friends and family. That's because those are the people I actually say "I'm gay" to. The rest can guess. I'm not hiding it, not advertising it either. AS for being masculine acting and looking, being gay or bi does not exclude those things.

Macho? As far as I'm concerned straight, gay, bi or, otherwise anyone that has it needs to loose that macho crap.
#9
really its dont care in the closet or out so every situation should be different:

it takes a moderate amount of bandwidth to maintain the lie.
-there will be days you fail and close associates will watch and remember. ya they shouldn't i know but they do.
-because there is a level of distraction you might fail un expected; for example show frustration quicker.

Its a no brainier if your 25+ and not married, never talk about girls. Close associates they already have an opinion about you. You can let this go but its nice to have people judge you for your accomplishments not rumor and innuendo.

A partner will want to share your life, and this generally puts both of you out.
#10
hank Wrote:My parents and my brother, I have told them, but they kind of talked me out of it. they seem to have made the assault they have on gay men more vocal around me.

Hank, you have told them and that is your job done <--- That is indicative of the person YOU are.

Your brother and your mother reacted in a bad way to your honesty <---That is indicative of the people THEY are.

I don't want to hear anymore of this self doubt on your behalf because the people around you see things differently or act differently. These people do not make you look better or worse, these people take NOTHING away from you.

You are your own man and it is how you stand on your own two feet and the way that you defiantly be YOURSELF regardless of what the people around you think that will give you the strength, the courage and the conviction to be the best person you can be and THAT is the only thing that is going to give you the confidence you need in your life, because the people around you that matter, care about YOU, not what the people around YOU think and say about YOU Wink


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