I am happily married for many years. Overall, I have a healthy sex life. I have no issue with the fact my husband masterbates occasionally as I also do it myself from time to time. My concern is not so much the use of porn but the type of porn. They seem to only ever watch muscle porn, and for me it is jaring. I don't have a muscled body and I find overly muscled men a little bit of a turn off. The discovery of it often leads me to feel uncomfortable about my appearance and wonder if they'd prefer a more muscular man. If it were any other kink I feel like I'd be able to reciprocate or reenact it, but muscle is something very different in that sense. I am trying to get them to share this side of them, but each time I try to mention the topic it leads to him feeling attacked or shamed. I feel like it is just a side to him that I cannot understand which baffles me. I try to be very open about my sexual side to my spouse. Whilst I do not shout out about the times I may have jacked off, I also will not deny or try to hide it afterwards. With them it is always so secretive. 

Now I understand kinks and porn can be very different to realities, so I wonder if anyone can enlighten me. Is there a way for me to come to terms with the kink and not feel threatened. I do not want to be controlling and furthermore not over analyse the situation.

Masturbation is healthy if engaged with some understanding of the multiple health benefits. Here's a video to start things off.
This guy is entertaining, funny and very informative on youtube Eurochannel.

Next, a very strong tool for improving your relationship and even clearing up some (or much) of the insecurity and pain you describe will be working on better communication. A person's fetish "obsessing" for titillation and masturbation may be quite powerful and yet coexist with choices made in reality. So the fact that I love to fantasize about bottoming for bears in my own private time is not a matter of contention with my boyfriend's understanding and acceptance of my being a total top in our relationship. I've never bottomed and don't plan to, but it is a real turn on in fantasy for me. The reason this is not an issue is because we've communicated openly about it enough to actually respect and appreciate each other's eccentricities and even privacy. This communication has also led us to explore and experiment with each other for a better sex life.

I sense all sorts of room for growth and happiness in your situation. I hope you'll find your way together!

(03-22-2022, 03:01 AM)ChadCoxRox Wrote: Masturbation is healthy if engaged with some understanding of the multiple health benefits. Here's a video to start things off.
This guy is entertaining, funny and very informative on youtube Eurochannel.

Next, a very strong tool for improving your relationship and even clearing up some (or much) of the insecurity and pain you describe will be working on better communication. A person's fetish "obsessing" for titillation and masturbation may be quite powerful and yet coexist with choices made in reality. So the fact that I love to fantasize about bottoming for bears in my own private time is not a matter of contention with my boyfriend's understanding and acceptance of my being a total top in our relationship. I've never bottomed and don't plan to, but it is a real turn on in fantasy for me. The reason this is not an issue is because we've communicated openly about it enough to actually respect and appreciate each other's eccentricities and even privacy. This communication has also led us to explore and experiment with each other for a better sex life.

I sense all sorts of room for growth and happiness in your situation. I hope you'll find your way together!

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. It does help to hear from a non subjective viewpoint. For me I struggle to understand sometimes, generally speaking I like to recreate or act upon scenarios I watch in porn be that uniforms, use of toys or even role play, all within the realms of what my spouse consents to of course. I find it hard to grasp the concept of having a fantasy you have no desire to fulfil, but I acknowledge it is very much a thing. I am trying to open the topic up with my husband and asked to watch some of the things he enjoys together one time. Which has yet to happen. Nevertheless, I will keep trying my best to grasp it all and may try to breach the topic differently in the future.

In another thread you said you were a single gay guy who was jealous of seeing other couples being happy. What's your game?

(03-23-2022, 04:37 AM)calgor Wrote: In another thread you said you were a single gay guy who was jealous of seeing other couples being happy. What's your game?

I'm new to this forum and created an account specifically for this question. I am not sure what other discussion you're regarding. I posted this anonymously to avoid revealing to much about myself or my spouse. My guess is you are referring to another user who's also posted anonymously, they'll be multiple people under the same alias, it's an option when you reply or post something on the site. I.e post anonymously or include signature.

(03-23-2022, 01:12 PM)Anonymous Wrote:

(03-23-2022, 04:37 AM)calgor Wrote: In another thread you said you were a single gay guy who was jealous of seeing other couples being happy. What's your game?

I'm new to this forum and created an account specifically for this question. I am not sure what other discussion you're regarding. I posted this anonymously to avoid revealing to much about myself or my spouse. My guess is you are referring to another user who's also posted anonymously, they'll be multiple people under the same alias, it's an option when you reply or post something on the site. I.e post anonymously or include signature.

Seems odd that the other anonymous who posted in the "is it wrong to be jealous" thread has the identical posting stats which were copied from his profile and presented here. Unless someone is aware of some weird glitch in the software that assigns everyone who posts anonymously the same posting stats.
Posts: 1,699
Threads: 579
Likes Received: 5 in 2 posts
Likes Given: 0
Joined: Jun 2012

Seems odd that the other anonymous who posted in the "is it wrong to be jealous" thread has the identical posting stats which were copied from his profile and presented here. Unless someone is aware of some weird glitch in the software that assigns everyone who posts anonymously the same posting stats.
Posts: 1,699
Threads: 579
Likes Received: 5 in 2 posts
Likes Given: 0
Joined: Jun 2012

I mean I'm not sure what to respond other than this is my only post I submitted of this forum. It would be redundant to post a relationship question if i was single. It's very specific to my personal experiences as a married gay man. To be honest I'm frustrated at having to justify myself when I honestly just want answers to my problem. Perhaps you can try responding or posting anonymously to see what happens in regards to how it profiles. My assumption is it's all the same stats. I'm will correlate from the inception of the coding for posting anonymous. 

On on another note, if you have something to contribute to the question at hand I'd also appreciate the feedback.

@calgor @PettyPet The "Anonymous" regardless of who makes the post will all use the same stats. The stats you see will be the same whether I or someone else makes an anonymous post.

(03-21-2022, 08:21 PM)Anonymous Wrote: I am happily married for many years. Overall, I have a healthy sex life. I have no issue with the fact my husband masterbates occasionally as I also do it myself from time to time. My concern is not so much the use of porn but the type of porn. They seem to only ever watch muscle porn, and for me it is jaring. I don't have a muscled body and I find overly muscled men a little bit of a turn off. The discovery of it often leads me to feel uncomfortable about my appearance and wonder if they'd prefer a more muscular man. If it were any other kink I feel like I'd be able to reciprocate or reenact it, but muscle is something very different in that sense. I am trying to get them to share this side of them, but each time I try to mention the topic it leads to him feeling attacked or shamed. I feel like it is just a side to him that I cannot understand which baffles me. I try to be very open about my sexual side to my spouse. Whilst I do not shout out about the times I may have jacked off, I also will not deny or try to hide it afterwards. With them it is always so secretive. 

Now I understand kinks and porn can be very different to realities, so I wonder if anyone can enlighten me. Is there a way for me to come to terms with the kink and not feel threatened. I do not want to be controlling and furthermore not over analyse the situation.

How do these conversations start that make him feel attacked? Then again he might be apprehensive about sharing that too, kind of like getting caught jerking off when you're a teenager perhaps...

(03-23-2022, 08:53 PM)PettyPet Wrote: Seems odd that the other anonymous who posted in the "is it wrong to be jealous" thread has the identical posting stats which were copied from his profile and presented here. Unless someone is aware of some weird glitch in the software that assigns everyone who posts anonymously the same posting stats.
Posts: 1,699
Threads: 579
Likes Received: 5 in 2 posts
Likes Given: 0
Joined: Jun 2012

I mean I'm not sure what to respond other than this is my only post I submitted of this forum. It would be redundant to post a relationship question if i was single. It's very specific to my personal experiences as a married gay man. To be honest I'm frustrated at having to justify myself when I honestly just want answers to my problem. Perhaps you can try responding or posting anonymously to see what happens in regards to how it profiles. My assumption is it's all the same stats. I'm will correlate from the inception of the coding for posting anonymous. 

On on another note, if you have something to contribute to the question at hand I'd also appreciate the feedback.

You have my apology. Based on what @InbetweenDreams said this is indeed a quirk of the software I was unaware of.