Ambiguos coworker.
Pisces
09-19-2023, 03:34 PM
First of all, I apologize for the Wall of Text, for any grammatical horrors, incorrect verb tenses, repetitions, poor english, etc. etc. but I - really! - need to discuss this with people who -perhaps- had similar situations.
I have a colleague which is my type: older than me (52 years old), bearded, massive because, on his muscles, he has put a bit of fat”¦ and he's also a biker. In the first 2 months of work (December 2021-January 2022) he did nothing but yell at me on work tasks. Then, little by little, he started talking to me - of his own free will because I didn't start a conversation on my own initiative - about what he watched (films, TV series), about life and/or work experiences, his past, daily events. , etc. etc.
At first I didn't like him but, little by little, I started to take an interest in him.
In the following months, when I had to admit that I was homosexual since everyone kept asking, he had no problem accepting me (luckily the others did too, but that's another story). I, therefore, started making some light jokes/double entendres aimed at him. He was always in on the joke.
Months later, under a lot of stress because I had a fixed-term contract and was forced to undergo pressure from superiors, not knowing whether or not it would be renewed in the days to come, I took advantage of the fact that we were at the start of the shift, alone, in the locker room and I told him: “I like you. As a man, I mean." He remained with his mouth half open, he looked to the left and his first words were: "I never thought of cheating on my wife".
A few days later the 2nd contract ended and, at the end of the shift, of his own will, he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me for more than twenty seconds.
I was then called back in November (2022). The day before Christmas, still alone in the changing rooms, I asked him for a """"best wishes""" hug. He gave it to me without any problems. In the following days, still in the same condition, I asked for more hugs and he continued to give them to me. Then, I also added kisses on the cheek which were, in turn, reciprocated.
One day, now 2023 for quite some time, I told him: "sorry if I break your balls with hugs... it's just a way of expressing my affection for you." He: “no, you're not breaking my balls. I'm just sorry to friendzone you.”
There was, after this, a period where I calmed down but he always spoke to me naturally and always tried to start a conversation.
Another best wishes hug before Easter and then, in the following months there was a "return of flame"... and, also, a crescendo because I started to be more and more fond of him: hugs, kisses on the cheek, pat-pat on his belly, positive comments on his physique from a former rugby player and swimball player, other similar things and he has always accepted everything without embarrassment. Alway alone in the changing rooms at the end of the shift, however.
A month ago, while he was tying his shoes, he asked me this question, so I crouched down in front of him: "Have you ever been engaged to anyone?" “No, I tried it lowering my requirements but it didn't work.” “Ah yes, you told me.” I remained in front of him for a few seconds and then, bringing my hands closer to his belly, I asked him: "can I?". "Yes, certainly!" I massaged it a little and then... I kiss it. "What an idiot." He told me in an amused voice. I stood up, felt his chest, told him that he still had muscles, then walked around behind him and felt his back. I kissed him on his shoulder. He laughed. We finished talking normally and went out.
A few days ago I asked him to go out because I wanted to talk to him, but he replied that he doesn't go out because he likes to stay at home, he only goes out as a couple, he has become a couch potato and watch Netflix, things like that. I insisted that I really needed it and, only after I told him “look, I just want to talk to you. If then, rather than friends, you want us to remain simple colleagues, just tell me clearly." Only thens he agreed to take me out.
Thursday evening, at his request, we met in a Fantasy D&D themed pub (he knows little about it, but I told him that I love that game!). I confessed to him that -maybe- I feel love for him, knowing full well that he loves his wife very much and is satisfied with his family life. I told him that, for me, the important thing is that he's happy - even without me at his side - and that I would like to remain his friend (with the aforedmentioned benefits). I, also, told him that the physical contact I seek is not only because he attracts me physically and sexually, but also to express my feelings. He replied that he's fine with this and that we can continue this way. He also confessed to me that yes, he has never been with a man, but, in the past, he had a certain "sintony" with a trans (which gave him a blowjob) and he has always looked for something more mental/sentimental than physical. "Sintony” that he, however, also has with me. During our talks we held hands and he kept holding even when we were "caught" by the waiter.
I asked him to meet outside of work at least once a month, during my confession, to have him all to myself but he replied that it's not for him because he doesn't make such plans.
After leaving the pub, in the parking lot, he bended down to take something from his backpack and I, jokingly, told him that he had beautiful buttocks and that I wanted to touch them. “Go ahead,” he replied. I did it, of course. On the other hand, when I asked for a quick kiss on his lips, he just smiled at me and responded with a hug. I understand that kisses on the lips and more intimate things are a no-no because, in my opinion, he might think of cheating on his wife.
We said goodbye and agreed that we would meet in the next few days to show him the gym where I go and that he would like to go (perhaps to be seen naked in the changing rooms?).
So, to recap:
- he has remarked several times that he loves his wife and his family life is perfect as it is;
- he confessed to me that he had had a semi-relationship with a trans in the past (from whom he also received a blowjob) and that, despite never been with a man (his words), there is a certain sintony with me;
- he appreciates my affections, he lets me touch him (except his genitals, but he allowed me to touch his buttocks on Thursday evening) and kiss him - except on the lips -;
- in turn he seeks physical contact with me, from simple pats on the shoulders/back, to holding my hand (especially on Thursday evening, even in front of the waiter), to reciprocating kisses;
- he always tries to talk to me about the things I like: D & D, video games, martial arts;
- maybe I love him. I like him physically and personality, since that he's smart, self-mocking, a little cynical, he always lent me a hand - even at the cost of falling behind in his tasks - showing that he has a good heart and cares about me and, also, he's fun. I have no intention of doing anything that could even make him think of cheating on his wife, I would be fine even being his friend... with something more, but I would also like a little bit of him, for myself, every now and then.
I honestly don't know what to think anymore. Worse than ever, my feelings - which in recent days, after the confession, had stabilized and calmed down - are now having a "rollercoaster" effect on me. It doesn't help that I'm not seeing him almost every day, like before, because my 3rd contract is finished.
Please, I really need advice/opinions/analysis/stories of similar experiences from you!
I have a colleague which is my type: older than me (52 years old), bearded, massive because, on his muscles, he has put a bit of fat”¦ and he's also a biker. In the first 2 months of work (December 2021-January 2022) he did nothing but yell at me on work tasks. Then, little by little, he started talking to me - of his own free will because I didn't start a conversation on my own initiative - about what he watched (films, TV series), about life and/or work experiences, his past, daily events. , etc. etc.
At first I didn't like him but, little by little, I started to take an interest in him.
In the following months, when I had to admit that I was homosexual since everyone kept asking, he had no problem accepting me (luckily the others did too, but that's another story). I, therefore, started making some light jokes/double entendres aimed at him. He was always in on the joke.
Months later, under a lot of stress because I had a fixed-term contract and was forced to undergo pressure from superiors, not knowing whether or not it would be renewed in the days to come, I took advantage of the fact that we were at the start of the shift, alone, in the locker room and I told him: “I like you. As a man, I mean." He remained with his mouth half open, he looked to the left and his first words were: "I never thought of cheating on my wife".
A few days later the 2nd contract ended and, at the end of the shift, of his own will, he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me for more than twenty seconds.
I was then called back in November (2022). The day before Christmas, still alone in the changing rooms, I asked him for a """"best wishes""" hug. He gave it to me without any problems. In the following days, still in the same condition, I asked for more hugs and he continued to give them to me. Then, I also added kisses on the cheek which were, in turn, reciprocated.
One day, now 2023 for quite some time, I told him: "sorry if I break your balls with hugs... it's just a way of expressing my affection for you." He: “no, you're not breaking my balls. I'm just sorry to friendzone you.”
There was, after this, a period where I calmed down but he always spoke to me naturally and always tried to start a conversation.
Another best wishes hug before Easter and then, in the following months there was a "return of flame"... and, also, a crescendo because I started to be more and more fond of him: hugs, kisses on the cheek, pat-pat on his belly, positive comments on his physique from a former rugby player and swimball player, other similar things and he has always accepted everything without embarrassment. Alway alone in the changing rooms at the end of the shift, however.
A month ago, while he was tying his shoes, he asked me this question, so I crouched down in front of him: "Have you ever been engaged to anyone?" “No, I tried it lowering my requirements but it didn't work.” “Ah yes, you told me.” I remained in front of him for a few seconds and then, bringing my hands closer to his belly, I asked him: "can I?". "Yes, certainly!" I massaged it a little and then... I kiss it. "What an idiot." He told me in an amused voice. I stood up, felt his chest, told him that he still had muscles, then walked around behind him and felt his back. I kissed him on his shoulder. He laughed. We finished talking normally and went out.
A few days ago I asked him to go out because I wanted to talk to him, but he replied that he doesn't go out because he likes to stay at home, he only goes out as a couple, he has become a couch potato and watch Netflix, things like that. I insisted that I really needed it and, only after I told him “look, I just want to talk to you. If then, rather than friends, you want us to remain simple colleagues, just tell me clearly." Only thens he agreed to take me out.
Thursday evening, at his request, we met in a Fantasy D&D themed pub (he knows little about it, but I told him that I love that game!). I confessed to him that -maybe- I feel love for him, knowing full well that he loves his wife very much and is satisfied with his family life. I told him that, for me, the important thing is that he's happy - even without me at his side - and that I would like to remain his friend (with the aforedmentioned benefits). I, also, told him that the physical contact I seek is not only because he attracts me physically and sexually, but also to express my feelings. He replied that he's fine with this and that we can continue this way. He also confessed to me that yes, he has never been with a man, but, in the past, he had a certain "sintony" with a trans (which gave him a blowjob) and he has always looked for something more mental/sentimental than physical. "Sintony” that he, however, also has with me. During our talks we held hands and he kept holding even when we were "caught" by the waiter.
I asked him to meet outside of work at least once a month, during my confession, to have him all to myself but he replied that it's not for him because he doesn't make such plans.
After leaving the pub, in the parking lot, he bended down to take something from his backpack and I, jokingly, told him that he had beautiful buttocks and that I wanted to touch them. “Go ahead,” he replied. I did it, of course. On the other hand, when I asked for a quick kiss on his lips, he just smiled at me and responded with a hug. I understand that kisses on the lips and more intimate things are a no-no because, in my opinion, he might think of cheating on his wife.
We said goodbye and agreed that we would meet in the next few days to show him the gym where I go and that he would like to go (perhaps to be seen naked in the changing rooms?).
So, to recap:
- he has remarked several times that he loves his wife and his family life is perfect as it is;
- he confessed to me that he had had a semi-relationship with a trans in the past (from whom he also received a blowjob) and that, despite never been with a man (his words), there is a certain sintony with me;
- he appreciates my affections, he lets me touch him (except his genitals, but he allowed me to touch his buttocks on Thursday evening) and kiss him - except on the lips -;
- in turn he seeks physical contact with me, from simple pats on the shoulders/back, to holding my hand (especially on Thursday evening, even in front of the waiter), to reciprocating kisses;
- he always tries to talk to me about the things I like: D & D, video games, martial arts;
- maybe I love him. I like him physically and personality, since that he's smart, self-mocking, a little cynical, he always lent me a hand - even at the cost of falling behind in his tasks - showing that he has a good heart and cares about me and, also, he's fun. I have no intention of doing anything that could even make him think of cheating on his wife, I would be fine even being his friend... with something more, but I would also like a little bit of him, for myself, every now and then.
I honestly don't know what to think anymore. Worse than ever, my feelings - which in recent days, after the confession, had stabilized and calmed down - are now having a "rollercoaster" effect on me. It doesn't help that I'm not seeing him almost every day, like before, because my 3rd contract is finished.
Please, I really need advice/opinions/analysis/stories of similar experiences from you!
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Aries
