Trigger warning: Fetish, kink,men's underwear, lust, loneliness







Hi I'm in my late 40's, im autistic and I'm gay make, I have some discomfort with feeling like a man.
I feel disconnected from myself, I find it really difficult to cope with strong lust , always fantasising  about men's underwear and it's something I've had for as long as I can remember.  I've never had a partner. It's not something that people want to share or people don't want to listen to how I feel. It's so.lonely having a sexual kink and being single and pretty lonely.
The way I cope is by reading gay fiction which I really like.
Thanks for listening.

(01-12-2024, 10:43 PM)LongRown92 Wrote: Trigger warning: Fetish, kink,men's underwear, lust, loneliness







Hi I'm in my late 40's, im autistic and I'm gay make, I have some discomfort with feeling like a man.
I feel disconnected from myself, I find it really difficult to cope with strong lust , always fantasising  about men's underwear and it's something I've had for as long as I can remember.  I've never had a partner. It's not something that people want to share or people don't want to listen to how I feel. It's so.lonely having a sexual kink and being single and pretty lonely.
The way I cope is by reading gay fiction which I really like.
Thanks for listening.

Hi

Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely. Rather than trying to deal with everything all at once I would break it down into small portions and deal with each thing separately, one at a time. From what you say I would see each thing as
1) you’ve never had a partner
2) people don’t want to share or people don't want to listen to how you feel
3) you feel lonely
4) you have a sexual kink

Firstly I don’t see your kink as an issue at all. It’s not harming anyone or illegal and many people have kinks or fetishes. You only have to go on something like Grindr to see this. So maybe try techniques to stop thinking of it as a bad thing.

In terms of never having had a partner, you again are not alone. Are you actively seeking one? If so, make sure you keep actively searching on dating websites and apps. It’s not easy and you may have to make compromises to find a suitable partner - but that’s what a relationship is all about. Don’t think of your kink as a barrier either. This is something you should mention or bring up as the relationship progresses and see how your partner responds and how you can incorporate it together. Like I said before - kinks are common and your eventual partner may have their own they will also want to share with you.

In terms of feeling lonely, this can be resolved by tackling the estrangement you feel from other people. I am not sure how big your friend / family / support network is, but I would set widening this as your first major goal. You only have to take small steps - find a new hobby, take up an evening class etc or anything that can introduce you to new people. Through this you can hopefully make new friends. I make all this sound easy and you do have to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but the payoff is worth it. If meeting new people or engaging with others feels scary then maybe couple this journey with some counselling / therapy to help you overcome your fears - this will give you someone to talk to, let out any repressed emotions and help you build up techniques to manage interactions. Also, obviously separate your kink from friendships / getting to know people - they don’t need to know.

You can also state on dating apps that you are interested in making new friends and seek people that way. Avoid Grindr for stuff like this.

I hope this is of some help! It won’t be an overnight journey but just take small steps.