Is coming out an ancient tradition that we should consider doing away with?

Does coming out not just put pressure on people that already feel uncomfortable, or unsafe, or unsure?

After all, straight people do not come out, but they are also not in some closet. They are just... are "out".

I do not come out to people anymore. But I do "be out". My crossbody bag is decorated with a rainbow lei and a rainbow lanyard for my keys. Partly as a confidence thing, and partly as a community thing - for anyone who is not safe enough to come out to see they are not alone.




For those of you who came out long ago, do you still come out to new people?

There is no dogmatic answer. The multitude of perspectives reflect the truth that the subject is very much subjective in addition to cultural, historical, and a journey towards things to come.

I love how you worked through this and clearly have enough comfort with the matter. I wish everyone could have that much freedom. I imagine you do not take it for granted and care, or you would not have even brought it up. If your avatar is truly you, then you look as good as you profess.

Now sissy that walk babe!

(02-21-2024, 10:47 PM)ChadCoxRox Wrote: There is no dogmatic answer. The multitude of perspectives reflect the truth that the subject is very much subjective in addition to cultural, historical, and a journey towards things to come.

I love how you worked through this and clearly have enough comfort with the matter. I wish everyone could have that much freedom. I imagine you do not take it for granted and care, or you would not have even brought it up. If your avatar is truly you, then you look as good as you profess.

Now sissy that walk babe!

I wish everyone could have that much freedom. I hope I do not take it for granted. I am still aware that there are times and places I do not feel 100% safe but will continue doing what I do for those who do not have that freedom.

But freedom should also mean freedom to NOT come out, because people should not have to face that pressure if they are not ready to come out.

At the end of summer last year I was in a gay bar, and this young girl came up to me and complimented my style.
She said she does not feel comfortable to come out to her friends as bisexual, even though these are the very friends she was with, IN A GAY BAR.
I empathised. Even in places that are supposed to be safe, some people still struggle.
I said she should come out only when she is ready, and that perhaps we shouldn't even have to come out at all.

And yes my avatar is me, thanks for the compliment.

(02-21-2024, 08:02 PM)Scruff Bunch Wrote: For those of you who came out long ago, do you still come out to new people?

I'm like you in the fact that I be out. But I don't really come out. I don't hide it either though, so if the conversation with someone comes around to relationships I will say I am married to a man or say "my husband..."

It also depends on the person I am talking to. An elderly customer at work the other day noticed my wedding ring, and after she had a minor disagreement about something with her husband said "do you get this with your wife?" whilst chuckling. I didn't bother correcting her, I was likely to never see her again, and it just felt easier not to. I guess the snap decision to not correct her was instilled into me from years of hiding my sexuality.

I generally feel safe in my life to be open. If I am meeting someone new who I know will definitely feature in my life going forward (ie a new work colleague), then like I said before, I won't hide it, but won't make any special announcement either

What annoys me equally about both the gay and hetero community is that everyone assumes everything is 'this or that'....no!
Sometimes people are fluid, and just want, need, a hug.
We tend to corner people, in regards to their sexuality.
Does that make sense?

As such, maybe some are gay, who shouldn't be, and vice versa, maybe some are straight, who shouldn't be.

(02-28-2024, 05:58 AM)A-hug-is-all-I-need Wrote: What annoys me equally about both the gay and hetero community is that everyone assumes everything is 'this or that'....no!

Yes I hate this.
"Are you top or bottom?"
"Neither."

(02-28-2024, 05:58 AM)A-hug-is-all-I-need Wrote: As such, maybe some are gay, who shouldn't be, and vice versa, maybe some are straight, who shouldn't be.

Um, how are you determing "shouldn't"?

I don't feel the need to reveal my sexuality to anyone. I think it is a very personal thing. The only person that needs to know is the person that I'm interested in. Then again, I would like people to know so I can be approached by the right people. I just keep quiet about it because I live in a cultural/religious minority community where homosexuals get persecuted if they are open about it. I'm not afraid of violence, I already faced some of it from people who suspect I'm gay, but I rather just avoid the entire trouble as it is because I have enough problems in my life.