My turning point, almost my death

[Zet]

The sadness never drops, feeling like crying inside, but not even a frown on my face... So cold. Sleepless nights... Can't stand my life! Only difference is days passing.

Just ate some food to cheer my self up, just to bring some pleasure into my fading life, only to know it will bring me down even further later on.

Only thinking on grabbing the kitchen knife and end my misery once and for all, but I'll never have the courage... If only I could afford some kind off assassin to kill me in my sleep.

I don't think its normal for a person to chaise closing shifts at the café just for hoping for a murderous maniac to step inside.

Just so tired of everything, specially crying for help. I just hate to ask for help, just hate attention so much. I wish only to be left alone, but never to be alone. To be independent from others.

They say you can never love someone else until you learn to love your self, but how do you love your self? Cause all I bloody do is hate... Specially my self. All I want to be able to do is love, I've tried so hard to seek inner peace but there seem to be nothing inside.

I was never meant to be, Just a freaking burden... How could I ever give someone else advise when I can not follow my own? The ignorant wants to become the teacher...