What's the point?

[Anonymous]

I have come to the conclusion what is the point of life. My life isn't going any where. My so called friend just uses me, don't have many friends and I get so lonely. I am stuck in this horrid cycle of depression and self hate. Any advice would be helpful thank you.

[deephiance]

would like to hear more of your story so you can get the best advice and support from the community hear at GS.

So please, take some time to tell us more about you

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I don't know anything about your situation, but the best answer I can give you at 6:40 AM sipping on coffee is that the point of life is just that, it is to live. There are good times, bad times... I'm going to go on the assumption that you're a younger person and if you're not, forgive me on that -- I still think the same applies whether you're 20 or 80.

I can tell you that in 2006 I felt the same way, flunked out of college, working fast food... No friends, lol was in the closet at the time and couldn't figure anything out. There's a lot more to the story, but at that time I felt like I wasn't going anywhere and was quite depressed. Thing got better, I made some mistakes along the way but that's life. Life is about learning who your friends are, how to move on, how to cope, how to be a better person, about giving...could list many things.

I have had friends who were either reckless with me and some who I felt used me at various points in my life and that being anyone from when I was in 2nd grade to now.

Feelings like loneliness, depression, anxiety and so on are emotions and to a certain extent can control how you feel. You think about how lonely you are you will feel lonely. So my advice would be to get out and do something, try a new hobby, get outside, talk to new people. I know it is easy for me to say in my comfy desk chair but it is the only way I know that works, but that's for me. Same goes for self loathing, gets you nowhere, takes time to just go from that to "I love myself," but need to focus on you and realize that a lot of people feel the same way, many people are less fortunate (think of the people in Syria for instance)... we all have our struggles. The best analogy I can think of about life is like you're sailing a ship on the ocean, sometimes the wind is with you and sometimes it's not, sometimes the seas are nasty but you're the captain and as long as you're willing and put effort into what you want out of life you will make it to where you want.

As far as your friend goes, if he or she is using you, cut your ties with them. I would rather have no friends than fair weather friends or people who use me.

[Zen]

In a simple sentence, the point is that things can get better!

By that I mean by taking lots of small positive steps things can improve. It's an old addage but it is true, that when you love yourself, others will love you more. Once that happens you will start to see life opportunities that you can seize.

You may want to talk with a mental health professional if you are feeling depressed as they can help.

Also these days there are a lot of great online resources- google "self compassion" and see what resources come up.

To hate yourself is a horrible thing, do you think you really deserve self hate?

Seek professional help mate, or at least some positive resources such as self compassion, or acceptance and commitment therapy resources. Treat yourself with kindness- imagine that you are your own friend, what would you like that fiend to do for you? Tell you that they love you? Cook you a nice meal? Take you to a fun or intersting place for a day out? Just generally be nice to you?

Good luck mate!

Disclaimer: This is friendly advice, NOT professional advice. Please seek professional help for professional care.

[deephiance]

I Think Zen's disclaimer sums the advice from both Dreams and Zen....There is absolutely NO shame whatsoever in admitting you are NOT coping, there is absolutely no shame in what you are feeling. The 3 of us have been in the position where we all needed help and all 3 of us have asked for help and guess what???

The cycle you are in can be broken.

You need to be given the tools to help you and that means that you need to seek professional help and perhaps medication. I was never a fan of being medicated for depression until I was put in the position of choosing between it all ending and move on and make things better and medication equipped me in my time of need to move on.

I would still love to hear a bit more about your situation, a ball park age, a general location and what exactly has lead you to the point you are at now.

We are eager to help

[MHJG]

You should think positively and explore new things. They, however, require effort. Find something which makes your life meaningful. Once you have a clear goal, you find your way out of the cycle of depression. Look into the reasons why you're depressed and tackle them.

Friends are important, but you live life on your own. Stay away those friends used you. If you feel lonely, try to make yourself busy. When you close your eyes at night after a productive day, you just feel happy.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am not that good with mixing with people, even as a child I just stood on the play ground watching the others play. All the time I am lonely even if I am surrounded by people at work or at home. I just want to scream sometimes. I am too clingy too when I meet some one I have to keep them close. I am so scared of loosing them. I want a relationship so bad it's breaking me up inside. I am almost in tears writing this.
Thank you guys for all of your kind words in the previous posts!

[deephiance]

First of all, clingy is more from inexperience than anything, so don't feel bad about that, you will learn to let go.

Second thing, I understand the desperation to want to be in a relationship, but if you want something that is going to last, don't make the mistake of rushing into something just for the sake of being in a relationship. When it fucks up, and anything rushed out of desperation WILL fuck up in the end, it will rip you apart.

Everything that is meant to happen will happen in the long run, you can't rush it because if it is going to be good it has to grow, not over hours or days...but months and years.

What are your hobbies? Do a google search of your hobbies, likes, interests and see if you can find a social club in the gay community. Facebook groups may even be slow step forward in to socialising without 'sitting in the background'

[Anonymous]

I have a few hobbies, I like reading and writing. I could join a book group or something. It maybe a way to make friends. I am just fed up feeling low and lonely.

[deephiance]

I have a few hobbies, I like reading and writing. I could join a book group or something. It maybe a way to make friends. I am just fed up feeling low and lonely.

We all get to that point

I am not saying that to invalidate what you are feeling, but to let you know you are just like all of us.

I was in a long term relationship that started in my teens and lasted 13 turbulent but wonderful years. I have been in 2 relationships since, but they had a lot to live up to, but I have been single for over 11 years and yes I crave that special someone. It will happen when it is meant to happen