emotional and sexual abuse?

[ks7]

Me and my boyfriend and very communicative. This is the only thing I've ever held back from him. I've not lied about it, it's never even come close to being mentioned, so I've withheld it.
For a while after the first time I met the guy I took full responsibility, and therefore felt a lot of shame. I felt taken advantage of and knew I'd obviously done something wrong to make that possible.
After thinking I'd give this guy a second chance at friendship, he acts the same way again. This time I feel worse. I still realise it's my fault and I have an incredible amount of guilt. I feel like a cheat for allowing it to happen. But I've also reminded myself the amount of times I said no, the times I pushed the guy away, turned down his requests and resisted touching him or letting him touch me.
I love my boyfriend very much and I would never betray him. Someone else trying to physically force me to cheat, is not my responsibility. I might have allowed the situation to present itself, but I certainly did not ask for it, and I did the best I could with the way I am. It was the other guys decision to try and tempt me, even try to force me to cheat.
I don't want this to sound like I want a pity party, but when I was a child I was sexually abused by an older man. I've been taken advantage of multiple times now, and I believe maybe there's a problem that lies within that.

After reading this back I realise maybe the problem is, that even after being taken advantage of, I still haven't learnt from it. At the same time, I like to believe that everybody has good in them, and I don't want to become cold and bitter..

My boyfriend is currently away and I won't be seeing him face to face for two weeks. I will tell him the next time I see him in person.