Am I Ever Going To Get It Right?

[AdamAndWill]

Will: This is August. Adam and I were planning an August wedding. And then, a couple months ago, I tripped over my own stupid arrogance, fell down the rabbit hole and landed on a therapist's couch. Not that I needed to be there, but I was prepared to be magnanimous and give it lip service. And then the therapist told us that if we wanted her to work with us, we needed to postpone the wedding for six months. She said that she doesn't work well under deadline, and that she wasn't prepared to sign on for a short term "fix" date.

And Adam agreed.

It's fair to say that nothing in my life has ever hit me as hard or scared me as much. I wanted to tell her she was crazy. I wanted to tell him to get over it. I wanted to get married that same day. But I was too freaking terrified to do any of those things, so instead I shut up and listened.

I don't like this. I don't want to do this. I don't like being wrong. I don't like tearing my guts out twice a week and spreading the entrails out for examination. But what I do want, above and beyond all of this, is Adam.

I don't even know what this post is about, just that I'm uncertain and scared and confused. And I keep wondering if I'm ever going to be the man that I need to be, if I'm ever going to get it right...

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