Helping a rape survivor

[kindy64]

So, how do I help my boyfriend, who has been raped twice in the last year, to overcome his fear of physical intimacy?

The last time was in December when he was on a trip visiting family and friends in another state. He didn't tell me any of this until after he was on a 3 week bender of booze and pills trying to avoid feeling anything. All he said to me was that he left the bar alone, and drunk, got pushed down and raped.

He's in therapy, but I don't know what him and his therapist are focusing on at all. He's got multiple issues going on, and this is just one of them.

The only times he has shown any sexual interest in me, he's been so loaded that I wouldn't feel right taking it farther. He's finally getting to the point where cuddling with him in bed at night isn't uncomfortable for him. He's not having nightmares about it as often. I can usually tell when he's having a nightmare, he tends to kick out a lot. Almost kneed me in the groin once, so now when he gets restless I turn over.

I've been patient with him. I stop touching him when he's uncomfortable with it (though it's so hard keeping my hands off his gorgeous body.) I try to make sure I touch him in non-sexual ways mostly (backrubs, foot rubs, leg massage.) The only time I've felt his hardon has been when he's asleep, which I don't mind holding onto, but anything more feels creepy to me.) Any other time he takes my hand away. I take care of my needs by myself, even though he's been open to me seeing other guys a time or two.

I don't bring sex up, other then to let him know that I'm willing to wait for him. Mainly I tell him how much I love him, and that I'm not going to take anything from him that he's not willing to give.

Any help would be appreciated. I've got no points of reference for helping him or even truly understanding the pain he is in.