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Helping a Friend Find Someone
#1
Hey everyone,
Hope you're all doing well Smile I actually have a question relating to one of my best friends (we'll call him Nick). Nick and I have a very long history, and it'd be really hard to even try to summarize that all here. I'll try to leave it at this: Nick used to date my former best friend, who turned out to really be an all around crappy person. That relationship ended in 2014 and since then, Nick really hasn't been with anyone for a prolonged period of time. I feel like he really was very scarred because he came to find out he was cheated on by my former friend and really just lied to about many things for months. (I'll leave it at this)
Since about July 2016, I have been more aggressive with trying to set him up with someone (partly by his invitation). I put him on Compatible Partners because that's where I met my bf, but it didn't really prove to be too successful, especially because he wasn't really super motivated to do much. I was the one who ended up filling out more of the questions and doing the initial communication on his behalf. He met someone from Portugal, who actually ended up coming to visit once in November, but that all sort of blew up in everyone's face for reasons I won't get into. I felt like CP might not really be working well, so I closed it, but then he suggested I help him open an OkCupid. So I did that, completed his profile, and even answered questions for him in the way I thought he would. My boyfriend started thinking it's ridiculous how he lacks the motivation and that I have to do everything. I guess I feel like I'm just so afraid he'll end up with someone shitty like my former friend, that I'm okay controlling a large part of his dating life (just FYI though, I don't do Grindr or Growlr or any of that stuff for him-I limit myself to traditionally more "relationship oriented sites"). I feel like subconsciously I'm still guilty because right after he split with my former friend, I wrote him off for a while because that's what my friend demanded, but when I realized that he was such a shitty person and any negative claims he made about Nick were false, I rekindled my friendship with Nick and the cost of my relationship with my former friend. I also see Nick as not really being truly happy as he was during the first portion of his relationship with my friend.
I also feel bad because he's not really traditionally handsome and he doesn't usually get many messages or responses back, and he's also picky and writes off a lot of people who message him. (But I don't really want to get into that)
My real question really is am I too involved? Should I take a step back and let him deal with his own romantic life? I guess it's kind of complicated because he so openly invites me to help him, but I realize that usually when I do get too involved, things end up badly.
-Bryan
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#2
writerbry Wrote:...
My real question really is am I too involved? Should I take a step back and let him deal with his own romantic life? I guess it's kind of complicated because he so openly invites me to help him, but I realize that usually when I do get too involved, things end up badly.
-Bryan

I think you answered your own question. You're too involved.
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#3
Regardless of the guilt you feel, I think you should leave him to it. He will find someone in his own time, if he really wants to. What happened wasn't your fault.
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#4
Does he need you or do you need him?

Either way, you are far too involved for a supposed friend.

I think you need to take about 74 steps back.
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#5
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I appreciate it and I will turn everything fully over to him. He's better off just trying to find someone himself. Smile I guess I just have to trust in his ability to choose someone good.
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