I don't know if he loves me...

[Jesspertenn]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. But a few months ago he wanted to break up, he saw what it did to me and he said he wanted to work on it. A couple weeks later I found out he has feeling for a co-worker (no former coworker) because I read some messages on messenger. He didn't tell the guy because he doesnt want him to know and the guys only 17. The guy is supposedly straight, but I wasn't out when o was 17, he was actually my first to go all the way. The day I found out we were going to an amusement park with the guy and his girlfriend, he told me was sorry and actually could not answer the question "what would you do not he came out and said he want to be with you?". Fast forward a couple weeks it coming up on this guy's birthday 17th birthday. He was taking him to the movies with the guys girlfriend. I asked if I could go and he told me no. I found out a week later snooping again that he told a friend he hoped this guy made a move on his birthday. Yet again I confronted him, still saying I'm sorry I fded up, blah blah. A week later he changed his messenger password, this made me feel everything but good. I packed his stuff ready to throw him out, but I did hack his password. Needed up ending with that guys birthday. Confronted him again and still same old I'm sorry I fded up, it was the first thing I thought of on my break, you should be going threw my stuff anyway... he swears I cheated on him because a guy kissed me and I cut off all times even quitting my job, but I told him... he's hiding things from me. He even said I wouod only cheat on him, but that's just because he did it to me. Now fast forward to his new job, a gay guy with the same name as my bf works on his line. Again I read messages, and he was talking about wanting this guy nothing but sex, no feelings. Yet again I confronted him same ole bs. Now he thinks we are good because I haven't argued at all ( something he said months ago was I'm too bchy) but I told him he needs to be more compassionate btw he does not show anything to me. We do it but nothing building up and he gets the most pleasure. I don't get anything... complained so much. Aside from sex, I don't get spontaneous hugs or kisses. When we kiss goodbye it's just a peck. Haven't frechned in 2 years... I just don't know if he love me or not. I recently got a promotion and one of his messages said he needs my paycheck... he knows I know everything but I don't know what to do. His name is also on my brand new car I can't refinance for another year... and to top it off tonight I noticed the guy he has feeling for went out and bought the exact same water bottle as my bf. This guy gets jealous if anyoke touches my bf, and he tells everyone I hate him and I woud kill him (joking manor I hope). But to finish this off, last year after the gay marriage ruling one of my best friends asked him if we were gonna get married he told her he would never fking marry me, to please not tell me. But he says he loves me now, sorry he didn't realize it. I do love him, but has anyone ever recovered from something like this????