11-19-2010, 03:35 AM
First of all I want to apologize for starting this thread because I joined GS to make new friends, not to bitch about my life.
As some of you know, I'm still very much in the closet and don't know ANY gay people near my area. As a result the last month or so I have been feeling terrible, I'm surrounded by 15000 people but I have never felt so alone.
When I reflect on my life there really isn't much to live for if I think about it, I'm in the closet, I don't have any Gay friends (and the few straight friends I have I've alienated because of my depression) I don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone or have a relationship, at 23 the closest to having a boyfriend I've ever been is letting some idiots do me, that's IT.
Although I don't go around moaning about my life (I'm very good at making out like everything is ok until I'm on my own) people around me have started to notice that I'm just not happy. I genuinely feel like I have no real friends (If I told my friends I was gay most would run a mile, even though they'd have to be blind not to realize that I've never had a girlfriend, don't ever talk about girls or turn my head towards a good looking girl ).
My family and I are on different planets and as I said when I joined this forum, the moment I tell them that I'm gay they will immediately disown me if I refuse to see a doctor.
When I think about the last time I was happy I genuinely can't think of a time, 23 years old at University and can't think of the last time I was happy. I believe life is precious and that nobody should waste their life (that's why I'm still around) but at the moment I'm struggling to see the point of my life and I just can't see things getting better.
I always said I don't need looking after but right now I'd give my right arm for a guy just to understand me and to somehow help me turn my life around because when I look in the mirror, I don't recognise the person staring back at me.
As some of you know, I'm still very much in the closet and don't know ANY gay people near my area. As a result the last month or so I have been feeling terrible, I'm surrounded by 15000 people but I have never felt so alone.
When I reflect on my life there really isn't much to live for if I think about it, I'm in the closet, I don't have any Gay friends (and the few straight friends I have I've alienated because of my depression) I don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone or have a relationship, at 23 the closest to having a boyfriend I've ever been is letting some idiots do me, that's IT.
Although I don't go around moaning about my life (I'm very good at making out like everything is ok until I'm on my own) people around me have started to notice that I'm just not happy. I genuinely feel like I have no real friends (If I told my friends I was gay most would run a mile, even though they'd have to be blind not to realize that I've never had a girlfriend, don't ever talk about girls or turn my head towards a good looking girl ).
My family and I are on different planets and as I said when I joined this forum, the moment I tell them that I'm gay they will immediately disown me if I refuse to see a doctor.
When I think about the last time I was happy I genuinely can't think of a time, 23 years old at University and can't think of the last time I was happy. I believe life is precious and that nobody should waste their life (that's why I'm still around) but at the moment I'm struggling to see the point of my life and I just can't see things getting better.
I always said I don't need looking after but right now I'd give my right arm for a guy just to understand me and to somehow help me turn my life around because when I look in the mirror, I don't recognise the person staring back at me.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
