Do you feel lonely staying alone?

[Anonymous]

Hello Friends,

I have a topic to ask you all.

Many of the members here are single and are probably staying in their own home/apartment (I understand that it is common in Western countries for adults to move out of their parents' home and stay in their own home/apartment after they turn to their 20s).

I have a question for you all. Do you feel lonely at times while staying in your own home/apartment alone? If yes, how do you manage/overcome it?

I am from an Asian country and here the culture is such that we will stay with our parents and grandparents in the same house.

So, I don't really feel the loneliness yet because there are still people (my parents) around in my home. (Note: I have no siblings and am in my mid-thirties now.)

But, there might be a possibility that I might be living alone (perhaps around 20 years later). I am concerned if I can cope with loneliness that I face when staying alone. That thought really frightens me.

I remember there was once when my parents went to a trip for 3 days and I was alone at home. The first day was alright. But from the 2nd day onwards, I started to feel a bit uncomfortable being alone at home. It made me have thoughts like my future seems to look bleak and I felt very dull and hopeless. I also noticed that when I went out to the shop nearby during the 3 days, I felt better and those thoughts did not bother me much. I only felt better after my parents came back home. 

I think loneliness is an issue that can be bothersome. I remember reading another person's experience in a forum whereby he is single and stays at home alone. He feels lonely whenever he goes home after work every day. So, he will stay out and drink alcoholic drinks and become drunk. Then, he will go straight home and sleep immediately without worrying about loneliness. He said that it is his way of coping with loneliness. I felt sad reading about his experience.

Owning a pet might be a good option to keep me company and ward off loneliness when I am alone. But I sometimes feel guilty that I am trying to own a pet for selfish reasons.

Please do share your views about this. I hope to learn alternate viewpoints of life from this discussion.

Thank you.

[CellarDweller]

I love living alone!

I lived at home with my parents until I was in my 40s. I was working a part time job when I was younger, and paying for college, so I wasn't able to afford being on my own.

Then I moved to a full time job, but still wasn't making enough money to move out. I stayed there for the medical benefits. Then, when I was finally making a decent salary, the travel bug hit, and I ended up seeing 6 different countries and 20 different states. Because money was going to travel, I was still living at home. Yes, unusual for someone my age, but I have not regrets about that, I have great memories of my travels.

Finally, the time came when I wanted my own space, and I had enough money saved up that I was able to make my move on my own. After all those years of spending time around people, I was very happy to have my own space.

[BlackDice053]

Hi friend! A bit of my own experience.
I'm 27.
When I was 16, half a year I lived alone because my mom went to work in another country (she is still there, 10 years from that).
After this time I lived several years with my dad, who was absent almost all of my childhood, and we lived together for several years.
Last two to three years I lived mostly alone, because dad was absent half a time, and from this year I'm again living completely myself.

So, from what I've experienced, loneliness can be a dreadful foe for any person, it is true. And sometimes it can force some people to do all sorts of weird things. Loneliness is a feeling that walks hand in hand with existential fears, and every person copes with it as he can. But in general, the "antidote" for loneliness is to feel needed by somebody.
I had a time when I felt completely alone, broken, useless, and even started to slip into a depression-like state. Now I'm mostly fine, and the answer for me was simple - friends. Someone whom I can talk to relatively openly, and someone who can talk to me in the same manner. We ARE social creatures, after all, and communication is one of our main needs. People who can live alone without problems - most probably just have good healthy communication with people anyway.
So, try to make friends, if you don't have one, try to stay in touch with your family even if they are not around you and try not to close in yourself too much, and it will definitely be ok.
And be sure that if anytime you would desperately want to talk to somebody - there are a lot of people on this forum, who will lend a helping hand.

[seeking]

I am from Asia also and spent 26 years living with my family. We were 5 in a not-so-big apartment so everyday there would be fights. I couldn't take it anymore and that was one of the reasons I came to France to study and live separately, because ironically, housing in my country is too expensive that I spend less living in France as a student than moving out in my country.

I have never felt lonely in my life, but then after living alone some time, it kicked in. Now I am in a weird state that I constantly want to go out. At first I didn't know why,  then I reflected a bit and realized that I'm actually feeling lonely. The fact that some of the friendships here in France are going downhill has made it worse.

I try to make plans and focus on completing the plans bit by bit everyday. That keeps me occupy and don't think  too much about it. But I still constantly slip into thoughts and  can't get out...still a work in progress.

[Anonymous]

I love living alone!

I lived at home with my parents until I was in my 40s.  I was working a part time job when I was younger, and paying for college, so I wasn't able to afford being on my own.

Then I moved to a full time job, but still wasn't making enough money to move out.  I stayed there for the medical benefits.  Then, when I was finally making a decent salary, the travel bug hit, and I ended up seeing 6 different countries and 20 different states.  Because money was going to travel, I was still living at home.  Yes, unusual for someone my age, but I have not regrets about that, I have great memories of my travels.

Finally, the time came when I wanted my own space, and I had enough money saved up that I was able to make my move on my own.  After all those years of spending time around people, I was very happy to have my own space.

Thank you for your reply @CellarDweller

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking. Which countries have you been to before?

[Anonymous]

Hi friend! A bit of my own experience.
I'm 27.
When I was 16, half a year I lived alone because my mom went to work in another country (she is still there, 10 years from that).
After this time I lived several years with my dad, who was absent almost all of my childhood, and we lived together for several years.
Last two to three years I lived mostly alone, because dad was absent half a time, and from this year I'm again living completely myself.

So, from what I've experienced, loneliness can be a dreadful foe for any person, it is true. And sometimes it can force some people to do all sorts of weird things. Loneliness is a feeling that walks hand in hand with existential fears, and every person copes with it as he can. But in general, the "antidote" for loneliness is to feel needed by somebody.
I had a time when I felt completely alone, broken, useless, and even started to slip into a depression-like state. Now I'm mostly fine, and the answer for me was simple - friends. Someone whom I can talk to relatively openly, and someone who can talk to me in the same manner. We ARE social creatures, after all, and communication is one of our main needs. People who can live alone without problems - most probably just have good healthy communication with people anyway.
So, try to make friends, if you don't have one, try to stay in touch with your family even if they are not around you and try not to close in yourself too much, and it will definitely be ok.
And be sure that if anytime you would desperately want to talk to somebody - there are a lot of people on this forum, who will lend a helping hand.

Thank you for your reply @BlackDice053. You have provided useful coping strategies and I find them helpful. Thank you.

I am from Asia also and spent 26 years living with my family. We were 5 in a not-so-big apartment so everyday there would be fights. I couldn't take it anymore and that was one of the reasons I came to France to study and live separately, because ironically, housing in my country is too expensive that I spend less living in France as a student than moving out in my country.

I have never felt lonely in my life, but then after living alone some time, it kicked in. Now I am in a weird state that I constantly want to go out. At first I didn't know why,  then I reflected a bit and realized that I'm actually feeling lonely. The fact that some of the friendships here in France are going downhill has made it worse.

I try to make plans and focus on completing the plans bit by bit everyday. That keeps me occupy and don't think  too much about it. But I still constantly slip into thoughts and  can't get out...still a work in progress.

Thank you for your reply @seeking. I can relate to your personal experience. Thanks for sharing.

[CellarDweller]

Thank you for your reply @CellarDweller

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking. Which countries have you been to before?

I don't mind at all.

I'm from the US, and been to Canada, Italy, England, Germany, Australia, and New Zealand.

I've also been to Puerto Rico, but that's not a country, but a US territory.

[InbetweenDreams]

I've been to Canada...but that's all. Been to (or through) most states in the US and that's all.