bf or BF or room mate, what...? help =)

[PaperMachete]

It just bugs because we never tried anything emotionaly and i dont want to look back at what COULD have been.

Try not to look back and think what could have been. Reason being, right now at least, nothing can be. He's told you this. There could be several reasons why. He's not gay. He's not ready to admit to himself that he has homosexual feelings. He just wants to be your friend. He feels very safe with where his life is at and doesn't want to risk that security. Etc.

I've been in a similar situation and had all the feelings and thoughts you are going through now. It's hard. Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with for a couple days? Distance and time apart are what helped me. The other thing that helped me was that my friend told me very clearly that he did not want a relationship, but that he wanted to keep hooking up only. That didn't work for me, so we broke it off, took some time, and are now good friends again.

You also asked what if you don't want to move on. You are only setting yourself up for more (and prolonged) pain if you keep thinking like that. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but if he doesn't want a relationship or isn't ready for one, what you want doesn't matter. I had to come to that realization and once I did, I was able to get over it, move on, and be happier. I'm not saying give up on it forever, but it is not fair to you to keep yourself in a holding pattern waiting for someone who may never return the same feelings. Good luck.