09-04-2012, 04:47 PM
I have seen this happen before and I am going to give you some different advice than usual because I want you to find a peaceful resolution if possible and I am hoping one of the things I have to say will help you do so.
The first thing that stands out for me is the number of years you have been together and all of the things you share. So many times...the couple will basically split up and live together out of convenience or habit...but as friends or even just roommates if friendship is not possible. This can allow you to emotionally and physically and mentally disengage without the upheaval. The reason I say this is that I remember what you said about your business being slow and also how much you like your home and the land you tend to and also your physical health and the pain you are in. It is easy for someone else or even yourself to say "I am leaving" but it isn't always the best move depending on the circumstances.
The other two things I have to say are not really anything you will be able to do right away but I am hoping if I tell you about them now you will file them away and remember them and maybe use them if you choose someday.
I have read about your life now for quite some time and I have great empathy for you but I worry a bit about your bitterness sometimes...I completely understand where it comes from but it is not healthy for you mentally or physically or emotionally....and you don't want to add another notch to that belt.
...and so my two essential tools...when or if you are ever ready for them...
You have to throw yourself into the forgiveness mode before you cripple yourself with the bitterness. Don';t worry.,..he never has to know about it and dont' start with him...practice it with someone else first. I think it is essential to moving past something.,Too often we leave a situation but inside we never really leave it because we dont' process it. Forgiveness is the nicest thing you can do for yourself. I realize it sounds obnoxious but it is a worthy task to undertake. I could elaborate but just in case you want to throw a book at me for saying that I will leave it at that for now
The second part of what I have to say might sound harsh but I truly believe it is THE best single ingredient to overcoming pretty much any adverse situation. This is really easy to say but very hard to do. It took me 8 years after the abusive relationship I was in to do it which is why I say "tuck it away"...but at some point...with any relationship...own your part in it. It is the best thing you will ever do for yourself emotionally because it will accomplish one very important thing...you will cease to be a victim.
I feel like you probably know all of this but I am hoping that you can come away even better than before versus broken in any way.
I really am sorry about what has happened. I am not sure that "open relationship" is really the correct term because that is something both people have to agree to and you did not agree. The truth is...he lied to you.
The first thing that stands out for me is the number of years you have been together and all of the things you share. So many times...the couple will basically split up and live together out of convenience or habit...but as friends or even just roommates if friendship is not possible. This can allow you to emotionally and physically and mentally disengage without the upheaval. The reason I say this is that I remember what you said about your business being slow and also how much you like your home and the land you tend to and also your physical health and the pain you are in. It is easy for someone else or even yourself to say "I am leaving" but it isn't always the best move depending on the circumstances.
The other two things I have to say are not really anything you will be able to do right away but I am hoping if I tell you about them now you will file them away and remember them and maybe use them if you choose someday.
I have read about your life now for quite some time and I have great empathy for you but I worry a bit about your bitterness sometimes...I completely understand where it comes from but it is not healthy for you mentally or physically or emotionally....and you don't want to add another notch to that belt.
...and so my two essential tools...when or if you are ever ready for them...
You have to throw yourself into the forgiveness mode before you cripple yourself with the bitterness. Don';t worry.,..he never has to know about it and dont' start with him...practice it with someone else first. I think it is essential to moving past something.,Too often we leave a situation but inside we never really leave it because we dont' process it. Forgiveness is the nicest thing you can do for yourself. I realize it sounds obnoxious but it is a worthy task to undertake. I could elaborate but just in case you want to throw a book at me for saying that I will leave it at that for now
The second part of what I have to say might sound harsh but I truly believe it is THE best single ingredient to overcoming pretty much any adverse situation. This is really easy to say but very hard to do. It took me 8 years after the abusive relationship I was in to do it which is why I say "tuck it away"...but at some point...with any relationship...own your part in it. It is the best thing you will ever do for yourself emotionally because it will accomplish one very important thing...you will cease to be a victim.
I feel like you probably know all of this but I am hoping that you can come away even better than before versus broken in any way.
I really am sorry about what has happened. I am not sure that "open relationship" is really the correct term because that is something both people have to agree to and you did not agree. The truth is...he lied to you.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
