Advice Sought: FYI, Rant ahead
09-14-2013, 05:52 AM
OK...so, I'm really bad at the whole feelings thing, and this is a pretty bold move for me, but since I don't really know anyone on here, and this is a gay forum, this is probably the best venue for advice, since my straight and lesbian friends, just don't get men...well neither do i, but I think you guys know what I mean...
Anyway. I was a bit of a late bloomer, in fact I was basically asexual until my junior year of college. A pathetic fraternity guy, never had a date for anything, and then...my secret came out, but that's a story for another time. After my disastrous coming out, I dated a little bit in college, nothing too dramatic, in my head, I knew what I wanted, I wanted a guy that would love me for who I am, someone that really cared about me as a person, just like all of my straight friends have. Now, I know I shouldn't be seeking some heteronormative experience, since we know that gay relationships lack those attributes...however, it may be hte hopeless romantic in me that really wants something REAL. Not a fling or anything like that, I'm jsut at that stage in my life that I want to start settling down, and really would like to start a family someday. Being as I'm 30, I've generally convinced myself that 30 in gay years, is like being Cloris Leachman (a really old comedienne). I'm probably wrong, but still, its my perception of things.
I've never really been in a very serious relationship, and of the three guys I've dated for more than a few months, 2 cheated on me, and the other dropped the L Bomb on me then broke up with me a few days later to go back to his ex. I really started to think that there was something wrong with me...well, maybe there still is.
At this point, I'm really lost. All of my friends are settling down, getting married, having kids, buying houses together, and I'm still that single guy. Round 2 of wedding madness is starting up and I keep getting the "and guest" invitations, and always reply with just me. I'm not into the bar scene at all, in fact, I've deleted the "gay social netowrking sites" from my mobile devices, and am just kind of here...
Maybe I'm painfully shy, which isn't my norm. I'm usually a very reserved but welcoming and outgoing guy. One of my straight friends tells me that i have a "very strong and dominating personality" that scares men away. Part of me thinks that gay men are just vain, and just aren't into me, which could be totally true.
Anyway, I'm going to end this semi pointless rant basically asking for advice. I'm pretty much a life coach and probably a psychiatrist's dream client, and I need to try and figure out a) what's wrong with me, b) if there is something wrong with me, how to fix it and c) how do I really go out and get to know people?
Sorry for the ridiculous rant, but thanks for any help you can give.
--M
Anyway. I was a bit of a late bloomer, in fact I was basically asexual until my junior year of college. A pathetic fraternity guy, never had a date for anything, and then...my secret came out, but that's a story for another time. After my disastrous coming out, I dated a little bit in college, nothing too dramatic, in my head, I knew what I wanted, I wanted a guy that would love me for who I am, someone that really cared about me as a person, just like all of my straight friends have. Now, I know I shouldn't be seeking some heteronormative experience, since we know that gay relationships lack those attributes...however, it may be hte hopeless romantic in me that really wants something REAL. Not a fling or anything like that, I'm jsut at that stage in my life that I want to start settling down, and really would like to start a family someday. Being as I'm 30, I've generally convinced myself that 30 in gay years, is like being Cloris Leachman (a really old comedienne). I'm probably wrong, but still, its my perception of things.
I've never really been in a very serious relationship, and of the three guys I've dated for more than a few months, 2 cheated on me, and the other dropped the L Bomb on me then broke up with me a few days later to go back to his ex. I really started to think that there was something wrong with me...well, maybe there still is.
At this point, I'm really lost. All of my friends are settling down, getting married, having kids, buying houses together, and I'm still that single guy. Round 2 of wedding madness is starting up and I keep getting the "and guest" invitations, and always reply with just me. I'm not into the bar scene at all, in fact, I've deleted the "gay social netowrking sites" from my mobile devices, and am just kind of here...
Maybe I'm painfully shy, which isn't my norm. I'm usually a very reserved but welcoming and outgoing guy. One of my straight friends tells me that i have a "very strong and dominating personality" that scares men away. Part of me thinks that gay men are just vain, and just aren't into me, which could be totally true.
Anyway, I'm going to end this semi pointless rant basically asking for advice. I'm pretty much a life coach and probably a psychiatrist's dream client, and I need to try and figure out a) what's wrong with me, b) if there is something wrong with me, how to fix it and c) how do I really go out and get to know people?
Sorry for the ridiculous rant, but thanks for any help you can give.
--M
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