May I rant on your shoulder please?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

For me the question of working through something like this or not is a simple one. Will you ever be able to fully trust him again regardless of your relationship status? There's your answer. I don't know how you will answer that question, but were it me, that would be the one that answered all the rest for me.

It's your call, I know what I would do and, that's give him a time limit for getting out of my house. Depending on a lot of factors, I'd decide if it was fair to give him some sort of voluntary separation settlement in the form of money or a vehicle or, simply to give him time to get his crap together and get out. That's me though and you know what's best for you at this point.

Whatever you do, it's time to take care of you and not worry too much about him or anyone else right now. Do what you need to do for yourself.

Trust? Hmm No I doubt I will be able to trust him anymore.

Time limit may be the hard one. As I just posted above, "We" are tangled up pretty tight not only in stuff and in finances. We share other 'things' too. Family, Friends - dogs, mutual responsibility to other people.

14 years of being part of that family... They are essentially the only family I have since my biological family is less than savory to be around.

I've been through break-ups before. People pick sides, lines are drawn and the next thing you know we have the Hatfields and McCoys all over again.

My Third partner's mother was 'devastated' after a near three year 'happy' relationship (she didn't know the details) suddenly and violently ended. While we said we would remain close, the reality is that as soon as I walked out the apartment door the distance between her became immense.

It was hard for her to remain on talking terms with me, having me stop by and visit while her son is 'nagging' her about 'Hey that's my ex you are being friendly with.'

I know you are a practical man - it has shown through here and there in your posts. Is there a 'practical' solution with the emotional ties to the 50 or so other people I 'married' when I 'married' my partner?

Yes I invested a lot of emotional energy in my partner, but in truth I have also invested a lot of emotional energy in his family. From things like tending the ill family members to being the one the Nieces are 'safe' enough with to call at 3AM in the morning to run down to Los Angeles to bail them out of trouble with their 'friends'.

I hunted and fished with his dad, his dad became my 'dad' in many ways - actually provided me with emotional things I needed that my other biological father was unable to give me. Granted the 'father-in-law' passed on a few years ago, but I am tied in to his family through more than just my partner.

Right now the Mother-in-law is in poor health. She is 86, worn out and did a bit too much drinking over the last 60 years. Both I and my partner are the near-by 'caregivers'. She falls in her apartment and hits the life alert button, we are the ones called first. She is refusing to go into assisted living, flat refuses to move in with any relative - a strong-willed, independent woman.

We already know they will feel obligated to stick up for him. He is blood, blood is thicker than water. But that doesn't mean its going to be easy to 'let go'.